The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 12

41_and_i_know_it

Hi everyone, just a quickie tonight, I'm shattered.
2/28 af days so far. see u in morning. life is good xxx

Wanna_Bee_Free

Lilith1980 wrote: »

Can I have a dancing banana pleeeeease?

i'd like mine too please! I'm still catching up on here. Everyone's been very busy posting and doing very well. 1/11 for me please Shaggy. i ended up having an unplanned and unlooked for Saturday AFD but have woken way too early for a Sunday.

Flat_Eric

Pleased to report my January total was 31/31 :j

Haven't decided on a total for Feb yet ....

Lilith1980

jak wrote: »

Hi Lilith, I know just what you mean! I wasn't going to say anything to my Mum but yesterday she said 'I expect you're glad to be having a drink tonight now the dryathalon is over' I replied Im not going to drink anymore, to which I got a rather disgrunted, well just have a bit then. She seemed really !!!!ed off and it annoyed me. I did say I've been drinking too much but I just got dismissed with a don't be silly youre fine! Its been bugging me all day! I also feel worried about peoples response to my not drinking. I feel they will not find me fun anymore and it's hard to explain it to someone who doesn't drink like me. They just don't get it OR if they DO drink like me, then they hate it because it makes them examine their drinking!
I'm not sure how to handle it either to be honest, I don't want to run around shouting 'I'm an alcoholic!' But at the same time, some people just don't get it.
I had a friend text me saying 'lets go on one of our pub nights soon' yesterday, I didn't text back because I had no idea what to say. I don't want to go and won't but it looks like i've choosen a lot of my friends very carefully to ensure they are drinkers too.

I think people perhaps choose each other, or are drawn together because of mutual interests, one of those being alcohol. And I guess that fills a need in both sides, and it's hard when either side changes.

I had a friend who I distanced myself from a couple of years ago. We used to go out a lot and get drunk together but it's been a very gradual moving away from that for me. My friend, however, has stayed the same and it all came to a head when we went to a mutual friend's wedding 2 years ago and this girl became so drunk it was embarrassing and she was very rude to the bride. She has never taken responsibility for her actions (even in other situations in which she got drunk) and blamed everyone else. I knew I had to move on from her as I'd never get away from the drink otherwise.

I'd rather not have to resort to alcohol-free wine, as I am happy to drink pop, but I feel like I am doing it more for other people!

It's a shame your mum cannot be more supportive Jak - I take it she likes a drink if she expects there to be wine when she comes round? Maybe your abstaining makes HER feel uncomfortable? x

warbonnet

jak wrote: »

Hi Lilith, I know just what you mean! I wasn't going to say anything to my Mum but yesterday she said 'I expect you're glad to be having a drink tonight now the dryathalon is over' I replied Im not going to drink anymore, to which I got a rather disgrunted, well just have a bit then. She seemed really !!!!ed off and it annoyed me. I did say I've been drinking too much but I just got dismissed with a don't be silly youre fine! Its been bugging me all day! I also feel worried about peoples response to my not drinking. I feel they will not find me fun anymore and it's hard to explain it to someone who doesn't drink like me. They just don't get it OR if they DO drink like me, then they hate it because it makes them examine their drinking!
I'm not sure how to handle it either to be honest, I don't want to run around shouting 'I'm an alcoholic!' But at the same time, some people just don't get it.
I had a friend text me saying 'lets go on one of our pub nights soon' yesterday, I didn't text back because I had no idea what to say. I don't want to go and won't but it looks like i've choosen a lot of my friends very carefully to ensure they are drinkers too.
On a slightly brighter note, I have met a lot of great women who are in AA who I meet for coffees and lunches. They are not only cool but really fun to be around. It's like being stood in the middle of a circle of love and knowing that no matter which way I fall, there will be somebody to prop me up OR give me a shove in the right direction. As you can tell, I'm really enjoying that aspect of life right now.
I met a non AA friend for coffee today and she is one of my old friends who will be there to support me and not judge. It was good.
2 af and 35 in total! XXX

Jak, I have a family member who has been AF free for more than 11 years now. She is much more fun to be with now, because before she was very unpredictable. She had to ditch all of her drinking buddies and spent time looking after herself, you need to put your needs first, it doesn't matter what others think, be true to yourself, you know what you need.

maman

Sometimes, 'dropping' friends where your only link is drinking has to be done. More often, if you persist with having soft drinks when you're together they'll get used to it in the end. Even as a cutter-down I've had a few raised eyebrows when I've ordered fizzy water. Fortunately for me I've also been losing weight so (while I didn't specifically give a reason) I think that's an assumption made. Like many things, the only real option is to bite the bullet. That's not to say you have to bare your soul or bore people to death on the dangers of the demon drink. I think a simple sentence that you stick to, on the worn record principle (in my case 'I'm trying not to drink during the week') can be enough.

41_and_i_know_it

jak wrote: »

Hi Lilith, I know just what you mean! I wasn't going to say anything to my Mum but yesterday she said 'I expect you're glad to be having a drink tonight now the dryathalon is over' I replied Im not going to drink anymore, to which I got a rather disgrunted, well just have a bit then. She seemed really !!!!ed off and it annoyed me. I did say I've been drinking too much but I just got dismissed with a don't be silly youre fine! Its been bugging me all day! I also feel worried about peoples response to my not drinking. I feel they will not find me fun anymore and it's hard to explain it to someone who doesn't drink like me. They just don't get it OR if they DO drink like me, then they hate it because it makes them examine their drinking!
I'm not sure how to handle it either to be honest, I don't want to run around shouting 'I'm an alcoholic!' But at the same time, some people just don't get it.
I had a friend text me saying 'lets go on one of our pub nights soon' yesterday, I didn't text back because I had no idea what to say. I don't want to go and won't but it looks like i've choosen a lot of my friends very carefully to ensure they are drinkers too.
On a slightly brighter note, I have met a lot of great women who are in AA who I meet for coffees and lunches. They are not only cool but really fun to be around. It's like being stood in the middle of a circle of love and knowing that no matter which way I fall, there will be somebody to prop me up OR give me a shove in the right direction. As you can tell, I'm really enjoying that aspect of life right now.
I met a non AA friend for coffee today and she is one of my old friends who will be there to support me and not judge. It was good.
2 af and 35 in total! XXX

Jak, I think your mum has a drinking problem and I think she has a problem being around people who don't drink. I've got my straight-talking hat on so I don't mean to offend. She is showing some of the characteristics that we share, it is like listening to someone else on this thread talking. I was thinking yesterday that I used to get bladdered in order to excuse my behaviour and thought that I was not in control of what I was doing. It dawned on me that I used to make sure that I was bladdered in order to behave appallingly to blame it on the booze, and trying to convince myself that I didnt realise that I was gonna get that drunk. How wrong I was, I remember singing on karaoke and between each pause downing my drink playing the clown showing people that I was wrecked and that is why I was the happy funny confident outrageous person they were seeing. What a t-t I was caring about what they thought. Who are they to judge me, I will be that funny, happy, confident and not so outrageous but very bubbly person without booze. I am not gonna be someone elses entertainment I can do the same thing without booze I just need to retrain my brain and experience the buzz without it.
By the way I found out last year that I had a nickname, mental and my name which i wont disclose and my partners son actually called my zac dingle to my face in front of everyone. It really hurt as Im on the sick for depression and anxiety and on anti-depressants, but im learning to forgive and feel sorry for people who find it funny to label me and instead of dealing with their own issues pretend to know what theyre talking about my business when they havent got the foggiest. I am not going to change who i am to please other people, they have to change themselves, and Im not going to hide and find solace in the booze anymore. Im fed up of people drinking all the time and when you have one telling you you're out of control or drunk and when you try to cut down or give up changing the other way and trying to stuff it down your throat, im going to get a life and they can do whatever they want im not bothered what they do its not my business, i want to be me and they can take it or leave it.

warbonnet

Lilith1980 wrote: »

We went for lunch today and weirdly bumped into the friends I mentioned on here, who are heavy drinkers. They asked if we were still doing 'Dryathlon' and that we'd have to meet up for another 'session'.

We said we were still off the alcohol and my OH said maybe we'd go through February without as well. I said that we didn't mind them drinking, they were more than welcome to drink, but as I said it I felt this great pressure and I actually felt bad/guilty for THEM because I felt like I would be spoiling their fun!

So much so I went online and found a few sites that sell alcohol-free wine, and even thought when they come round I could just pretend I was drinking 'real' wine. So now I feel angry at myself that I can't just say "No I'm fine, I am happy with soda" or something like that?? I mean, it's not like we see them often anymore, every few months really. But still.....

Anyone else found ways to deal with situations like this?

Why should you prevend to be drinking, just to make others feel ok? Anyone who is friends with you because they like you will not mind if you are drinking or not. Find a drink that you like and stick with it not matter what anyone else says

warbonnet

AF 1/26

Tomorrow I start my diet, I have about 19lbs to lose. Since the biggest loser started at work. - 4 weeks ago I have only lost 1lb. Thought by not drinking I would lose a bit but never mind, I haven't been putting any more on.


I have been able to buy my second hand iphone by selling stuff I don't need anymore. Going to get some more items on eBay later on today.


Julie

41_and_i_know_it

Flat Eric, where have you been lol.
Well done on your January total - impressive!
You are a bit of a dark horse are you not lol.
Good luck with Nobrewery.