The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 12

Slowdown

Hi
I have just found this thread and was wondering if I could join you. I am sitting in bed feeling a little the worse for wear after too much wine last night and I am tired of worrying about my drinking habits. I am fine if I don't drink at all, but most of the time when I do, I don't stop at one.
I am 46 years old and have always liked a drink. I drink too much at least once a week and I know it is linked to stress and wanting to depart from reality. I have nothing dreadful going on in my life at the moment but have spent years in a stressful job. My OH has a very stressful job too and it doesn't help that he works very long hours and I do more or less everything. With three teenage children, a large mortgage and in the last three years my OH has had cancer I have felt the drinking getting worse and it has to stop.
I really want to be AF most days but can't get a grip so came on here for a bit of advice and support. This is going to be the first day of an AF journey, though I know there will be occasions where I will slip up, especially parties etc, though I have vowed to drive as often as possible.
If anyone has any advice for me I would be pleased to receive it and I look forward to finding a new path. This is my first day of part time work and I am feeling confident that my stress levels are on the way down.
Thanks for listening and I hope I haven't bored you too much!
Kind regards
Slowdown:)
PS I feel very nervous about trying AF life. Is that normal?

Lilith1980

Welcome Slowdown

I joined this thread some months ago and have found everyone to be so supportive and not judgemental at all.

I had abused alcohol from a young age. I'd had stuff go on in my childhood, including my dad dying. Not long ago I actually found the real reason for his death - drink. That took me by surprise I can tell you.

Like you, I got to a stage where I would drink to alleviate stress. My OH and I would get in from work stressed out and automatically go down the shop and buy wine/spirits/whatever. I could drink a whole litre bottle of spirits in one go, or 1-2 bottles of wine in one go

Over Christmas 2012 we looked at our unit intake for the Christmas week and it came to over 80 units each! We both decided to do the January Dryathlon, although we actually started on the 27th December and haven't touched a drop since

This thread is for people who want different things - some people (like me) know that they cannot drink at all because it's an all-or-nothing thing, and so they are better off never touching it again. Others are wanting to cut down and perhaps bring their units more in line with the government recommendations.

Maybe you're not sure what you want at the moment, which is fine. But I found people's input on this thread to be so helpful to my own situation. I didn't feel alone, I didn't feel as ashamed and it actually felt good to be addressing my long-standing negative relationship with alcohol.

I was really nervous about AF life, I thought I'd lose all my friends (as most of them are heavy drinkers, like I was). And true, some have drifted away and one person I made friends with quite recently suddenly seems to have gone cold on me seeing as I won't be going out and downing glasses of wine with her anymore. And actually, despite people drifting away, it's not that bad. I thought it would be hugely devastating, but the benefits to me outweigh anything like that

I can now afford to rent a more expensive (and nicer house), we've also bought another car (well, second-hand but in better condition than our current car!). And we generally have more money in the bank to have nice things for us, instead of it going towards alcohol and damaging our health.

It's bound to be nerve-wracking so try not to beat yourself up - alcohol has been a 'friend' to me for so long. Letting it go was scary. But since I stopped drinking I have been able to prove to myself that I can handle stress perfectly well without it.

Keep posting and we'll keep supporting

Lilith1980

Hi all, 17 AFDs for me please

Hopefully off to the docs today to get some antibiotics as my chest infection isn't shifting.

Had a right hissy fit yesterday lol; did some hoovering and had to empty the hoover resulting in a lot of dust going over me. Then I remembered that we had no hot water so I couldn't have a shower, I felt like screaming! Went for a shower at the gym later on, but it just made me realise how happy I'll be once we're in the new place and I can have a shower again!!!

Only 2 more days in this house yay!

arsenalbarnie

I can finally report my first AFDFor April. A v stressful month but the stress is still there I suppose alcohol or not. So first night without any wine and slept all night:jCan still achieve my target this month.

Slowdown

Thank you so much for your supportive reply.

I also had a father with a negative relationship with alcohol. He wasn't an alcoholic as such but died of a heart attack aged 52, brought on by alcohol and cigarettes.

I was really impressed with your alcohol free start to the year and applaud all your efforts. I have a family that enjoys a drink or two and I know I cannot go AF completely and actually don't want to in my heart of hearts but I do need to manage this better and stop using it as a crutch to support my lifestyle.

I am already fearing a struggle on Friday night and think I will try and do something other than sit in front of the TV so I am not tempted to open a bottle.

I will also make the effort to keep up with this site and find my support here rather than in the wine and beer!

Thanks again. Your help is much appreciated.
Kind regards
Slowdown:)

41_and_i_know_it

Slowdown, welcome, pull up a chair and have a cuppa tea with us.
You are ok you are doing fine, don't worry you are going through a divorce or trial separation with your long-term love alcohol.
If you want a crutch we can provide that.
If you want to give up then we can support you.
If you want to cut down then we are with you all the way.
Whatever YOU want to do is okay with us, we are all the same. We all struggle at times and we all have different reasons why we drink, but we all have one thing in common. Alcohol is causing us problems.

New_Day

Good morning,

4 AFD's for me please Shaggy and the bells were almost inaudible last night, just like Purple Mum I'm feeling well pleased and like 41 I am so glad to be alive.

Welcome Slowdown, I am a returning newbie, joined a few years ago but somehow lost my way but am now back on track and feeling so positive this time.

You may have wobbles and feel like there is 'no hope' but no matter what anyone says there is always hope - just don't beat yourself up if things don't go right first time - pick yourself up and start again. I am working on the theory of each day is a new day and taking each day at a time, no goals - no promises to myself - just waking up and thinking 'I can do this, at least for today', and I know that with only 4 days under my belt it is early days, but I am feeling optimistic.

I understand how you must be feeling dealing with your husband's cancer - my 19 year DD was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma last year and has had 6 months of chemo and is now undergoing radiotherapy, definitely my darkest hour and I hid at the bottom of a bottle for months. I also have teenage children and know that the older they get, the more of a worry they become, but the love and support you get from them far outweighs the problems.

I would also reiterate Lileth's wonderful words of support, so much of what she said applies to me and probably many of the people on here, but with each other's support we can achieve whatever we want to, whether it be cutting down or giving up completely. You don't need to decide that right now, just be in control for today and hopefully the rest will follow.

Good luck x

graemecarter

Slowdown wrote: »

Hi
I have just found this thread and was wondering if I could join you. I am sitting in bed feeling a little the worse for wear after too much wine last night and I am tired of worrying about my drinking habits. I am fine if I don't drink at all, but most of the time when I do, I don't stop at one.
.....
I really want to be AF most days but can't get a grip so came on here for a bit of advice and support.
.....
Thanks for listening and I hope I haven't bored you too much!
Kind regards
Slowdown:)
PS I feel very nervous about trying AF life. Is that normal?

I am incapable at stopping at one drink. I always want the 2nd more than the 1st, the 5th more than the 4th, etc.
While I didn't get physical cravings to drink, it was the sober me that always picked up that first drink. I thought I was fine if I didn't drink at all, but in reality, I WOULD drink every few days, so me not having the first one was impossible.

I lived with worry for years about me not having control around alcohol, when I thought I should have a grip on it and be 'grown up' with it. However, my relationship with alcohol is not like that. I cannot moderate (despite trying for years) so now I abstain. Others on this thread have managed to cut down and control their drinking - they have a lot of wisdom around moderating.

I felt an AF life would be a life of misery, with all birthdays, weddings, meals out, etc being horribly boring.
It's really not like that for me now. I am much happier being AF.

I find life easier as well - while I previously always resorted to alcohol to cope with stress, I now have other ways of coping.

Good luck and keep posting.

Lilith1980

graemecarter wrote: »

I felt an AF life would be a life of misery, with all birthdays, weddings, meals out, etc being horribly boring.
It's really not like that for me now. I am much happier being AF.

I echo this - previously I wasn't able to enjoy a night out unless I had a drink. If my friends were drinking I would feel so left out and I would literally feel miserable.

But now I am fine and because I know that abstaining is what is best for me, I don't have this urge of 'needing' to have a drink in order to have a good time.

Slowdown

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

I really, really do want to get a grip on this as I feel like the time I spend worrying about it is getting to me more than ever.

I have definitely drunk too much 3 times in the last week alone. I wake up, after a broken, sweaty night's sleep with a muffled head and no energy. We are not talking falling over drunk here but we are talking between 8-15 units at a time. This is definitely not good. It gives me a sore throat too which I find really worrying.

It was really heartening to hear you are all on my side and know where I am coming from. I would love to be in the position of having one or two drinks and then feeling like I can put the glass down and leave it there. But I can't at the moment so I think abstaining until I get a few other things straight will be the road to take.

Newday - I love your name! I will follow your lead and take each day as a new day. You have my empathy on the cancer front (still difficult to write the word). OH is no longer in immediate danger and couldn't have chemo as the malignant melanoma type he has does not have any response to it. Just operations to take out lymphs etc and regrowths but boy is it a big dark cloud that hangs over your head. I wish your daughter a complete recovery.

Again thanks to you all. It is nice to talk to people who have no judgemental feelings, don't look at me like I'm exaggerating or try to make me feel bad. Hooray to you all.

I will keep posting and hope today is AFday1!
Kind regards
Slowdown:)