NEED ADVICE URGENTLY regarding pre-school incident

julie2710

When my eldest was at Pre school there was a little boy who just bit all the other children all the time. My DS was best friends with him and got bitten several times. The "biter's" mum even told my little boy to bite him back once, I obviously told him not to! Everyone used to call the boy Dracula :eek: He grew out of it though. He and DS1 are now 7 and still the best of friends.

Try not to over react yourself and speak to your son about why he is scared and reassure him.

These things do happen, it doesn't mean it's a bad preschool or that the other child is bad either.

choccybuttons

Hi

I agree with what others have said. I would just have a casual chat with his keyworker and explain he is nervous about coming to preschool. They will give him some extra cuddles and help him settle in again. I have the most outgoing 4 year old but he still has the odd weeks where he turns super clingy when getting dropped off

go_cat

I've been on the receiving end of my child being bitten at nursery like yours just under his eye but then a few months later to say my son had bit someone else :eek:

Both Incidents upsetting but for different reasons.

These things happen , the pre school should have processes in place for the child with special needs.

Have a meeting with the manager and discuss your concerns.

freddiesmum09

Thanks meritaten - in all honesty the preschool is lovely (hence why I picked it) - they are always mentioning if ds has had an accident/if hes been upset and are usually really on the ball, by no means are they a bad pre-school, I think they just struggle with this one particular child (whenever i have had my parent session they struggle to get him to sit still, listen etc) which makes me think maybe he needs more care an attention to prevent these sort of incidents.
Biting another childs face til you draw blood is unacceptable. Special needs or not. Everytime my ds has hit another child I have been informed so I can talk to him about the behaviour. I know its natural for a child to act like this, but the fact my ds is now too scared to go to preschool and is crying when left, worries me. Doesnt seem like the normal biting/hitting incident.
Anyway will ring the pre-school first thing tommorow morning

Lucky94

kingfisherblue wrote: »

I agree with FBaby. Excellent post.

Just one thing that leapt out at me, though - having a speech difficulty does not mean that a child has learning difficulties. Many children have speech difficulties at this age, and it is more prevalent in some areas. It is not indicative of a learning difficulty though. My own son has speech difficulties, and although some of the problems are because of his learning disability (Down's Syndrome), he also has physical abnormalities that prevent 'normal' speech. A chap that I was with at school was one of the brightest people I know, but he had a physical abnormality that meant his speech lacks clarity because he cannot pronounce many words clearly.

Exactly..my son has speech difficulties and is one of the brightest little boys I have ever met.

He goes to a nursery and has come home with marks on his face yes I was upset by this but he was fine and couldn't wait to go back the next day, it was infact a little girl who wanted to mother him.

He is the kindest, softest boy he has never shown any anger towards adults or other children, he's always happy

sooty&sweep

Hi
Totally agree with everyone else in terms of biting.
However you also said that your son was upset about being left at nursery and I just wanted to suggest that whoever is dropping off pretends to leave and then find somewhere to observe your son from where he can't see or notice them and see what happens when he thinks they've left.
Both of my two went through phases of crying when I left them and I remember how upsetting it was. I would peek through a window a couple of minutes later and they were always playing happily.
Jen

johnnyl

FBaby wrote: »

Sorry, I understand that you are upset but yes, i think you are over-reacting and misunderstand what pre-school is all about.

Wet accidents: they happen all the time, are common, and can go on for years. It might have been a one off for your son, but it wouldn't be for the carers. The fact they have handed the wet clothes is the indication of what happened. There would be no need to discuss this event with you. There is nothing to discuss really.

Wipes: Why are you concluding that they have been used for other children? Maybe they used it on your son when he wet himself and they left them in the room, forgetting to put them back in his bag. No big deal again, just ask tomorrow where they are.

Clothes: again, no big deal at all. The carer who looked after him probably didn't realise he had his own clothes. Nursery will have some spare clothes and that was used. Just remind them that he does have his own set of clothes and would prefer these to be used.

1st incident: Not nice as a mum to see a big egg on your child's head, but unfortunately, that's the nature of nursery, you can't assure they won't be such incident. The nursery should indeed report it and put in place measures to minimise these incidents. It is difficult for them because they of course want to protect all the children, but also want to give a chance to 'difficult' children to integrate with others. What is important is that it is well managed.

2nd incident: Now that's two incidents from the same child in two months. The bitting itself again is part of being in pre-school and common. Carers are expected to discipline the child firmly but gently and provide support to the child bitten. My son was bitten a number of times, but I have to confess that he did so too a couple of times. He was told off both times. He is now an absolutely lovely 10 yo (was a lovely 3 yo too when he got over the terrible 2 stage!). Saying that, as it happened with the same child again, I would expect the nursery to be much more vigilant. No point in over-reacting because again, it is part of pre-school life, but I would want to discuss with the pre-school what they intend on doing so that such occurences don't happen again, explaining that you are concerned your child is starting to be emotionally affected by it.

All in all, relax. The whole point of pre-school is for children to learn to interact with others. Unfortunately, it comes with having to deal with aggressive behaviour.

ah, more school hypocrisy. And people wonder why I moan.

Lets ask ourselves this, If a child rolled up to school full of paint one day, wet through with pee on another day and with bite marks on a 3rd day what would happen to the parent? What would be the teachers / schools opinion of that parent?

I dont really need to answer that question - we all know the answer. It is only fair when the reverse happens, that it is also deemed unacceptable.

kingfisherblue

freddiesmum09 wrote: »

Thanks meritaten - in all honesty the preschool is lovely (hence why I picked it) - they are always mentioning if ds has had an accident/if hes been upset and are usually really on the ball, by no means are they a bad pre-school, I think they just struggle with this one particular child (whenever i have had my parent session they struggle to get him to sit still, listen etc) which makes me think maybe he needs more care an attention to prevent these sort of incidents.
Biting another childs face til you draw blood is unacceptable. Special needs or not. Everytime my ds has hit another child I have been informed so I can talk to him about the behaviour. I know its natural for a child to act like this, but the fact my ds is now too scared to go to preschool and is crying when left, worries me. Doesnt seem like the normal biting/hitting incident.
Anyway will ring the pre-school first thing tommorow morning

You do not know whether this child has special needs. You should not assume he has, just because he has a speech difficulty and a short attention span - many children cannot sit still and listen at pre-school age.

VICSH

I just want to say I really sympathise with you I felt exactly the same when my ds started preschool he came home bruise under eye one week and then bitten leaving a mark on week 3 all my same boy. I'm not going to lie I was livid when the preschool asked me to sign the form I asked for an explanation as to how this happened appArently this child also has some communication issues. Anyway I was still angry so I put my concerns regarding their policies in writing to the manager asking what measures will they put in place to avoid situations like this happening again etc. I was invited in for a discussion and it all calm down. I expect people will think I over reacted but I don't care I will always try and protect my son and furthermore I don't want him to think that violence towards any other child is acceptable. On a bright note he has been there a term now and he loves it, I also have had to adapt to a different level of care from what I previously had before (childminder). Good luck with the school you will feel better once you have spoken to them I'm sure x

clearingout

OP - you are over-reacting. If this is making you cry, you seriously need to be thinking about home-schooling as you cannot control the who, where, whats of who your child comes into contact with and what might happen to him (good and bad).

Speech difficulties do not mean learning difficulties. You need to be very careful when making statements like that.