NEED ADVICE URGENTLY regarding pre-school incident

freddiesmum09

Hi,

Need advice ASAP before I contact the pre school to discuss in the morning.

Over all been really happy with ds's pre school minus a couple of little things,

1st being him getting covered in paint all over his clothes (literally no sign of an apron being used at all) a couple of months after he started.

2nd being a couple of accidents he had in his nappy that had been left unchanged (I sort of put this down to the fact maybe they didn't notice)- however now I am thinking maybe they just couldnt be bothered to change him, especially as one looked like it had been in his nappy for well over 2hours.

the 3rd niggley thing is the fact that he wet himself on tuesday whilst at preschool (he is now fully toilet trained but wont use the toilet in 'strange' places)

I picked him up on this day, nothing was mentioned when I collected him however I noticed when we were walking to the car his belt wasnt done up and his trousers werent the ones I had put on him that morning. I checked his bag and the wet trousers were inside, however noone mentioned anything to me when I collected him and the wet wipes (a full pack) had gone missing.. I know its a only a £1 worth of wipes, but its the fact they are his wetwipes for when he has an accident, I am not there to provide freebies to the pre school. I always provide him with his own set of spare clothes/wet wipes/pants so he feels more comfortable.

Am I wrong in thinking they should mention to me when he has an accident/what time it was when I collected him or am I expecting too much?

The main issue that has caused the main upset is problems my ds is having with one little boy. The boy in question has some learning difficulites (I am not aware which ones, but the pre-school have mentioned him having trouble with speech but havent disclosed to me fully as none of my business tbh!)

The 1st incident happened before xmas, I wasn't picking ds up as I was at work, however my dad picked him up, and the boy in question had hit him on the head quite hard (hard enough for an egg to show up) and the preschool mentioned this to my dad.

The excuse for this incident is that the boy in question struggles to communicate etc etc. No real help to me and the fact my ds is now hurt!

The 2nd incident happened on wednesday. I went to collect DS as normal and was invited into the preschool as the teacher wanted to talk to me. She tells me another little boy has bit him in the face and that I need to sign something. DS has clear tooth marks under his eye. I am told they were squabbling over a car and the teacher got there too late to intervene. I am a bit confused as to what has gone on and in shock. I sign whatever peice of paper it is and leave. I ask DS about the incident and he tells me it is the boy in question from before. He tells me they were fighting over a car and the boy has bitten him. He was quite clingy last night and fell asleep in the car on the way home which is unusual for him. When at home he just wanted to cuddle up under the duver with me on the sofa which isnt like him either, usually hes running around like a maniac bless him.

Today I was at work so didnt take DS to pre school. I was expecting him to go as normal (my dad takes him on the days I work) - I pick ds up tonight to find that he was firghtned about going in, he was worried before leaving my parents house and then got worried again when he got to pre schl (tears in his eyes when my dad left him)

When I got in the car to take DS home I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Am I right to be totally angry and upset by this or am I over reacting? I feel like the worst mum in the world right now.

I am going to ring the pre-school in the morning and the main points I am going to cover are the following:

- If DS has an accident I would like to be informed of it on the day, as well as told what time it happened.

- If the teachers cannot keep my child safe from another child, then the other child may need more than what the preschool can provide? As I feel for the other boy and his special needs, I have to look out for my sons needs and wellbeing. I expect to send him to preschool and for him to feel safe and secure and for him to come under no harm. I dont want him to be frightned and worried about anything. I want him to feel like if another child were to lose their temper, a teacher would intervene and protect the child.

- If DS has an injury inflicted on purpose by another child I expect them to contact me asap rather than waiting till the end of the day, with this sort of incident I want to pick my ds up straight away rather than leaving him there to be upset. Its not like he just fell over, he had a huge bite under his eye.

I don't really want to send him to preschool tommorow and I am unsure what to do. I can't stop crying and I am just so angry the pre-school hasn't done more to protect my ds.:mad::(

Tigsteroonie

I'm new to this pre-school game, but Andrew has come home with paint on his clothes every time (green, then red, then blue ...) It doesn't bother me, I just throw them in the wash. If he had an apron then I'd have to wash the apron, plus he'd probably still get paint somewhere so I'd have more to wash!

As regards the accident & incidents, I'd be asking about their pupil - staff ratio, and whether there is additional support for the child with SEN.

whitewing

Same here re paint.

I think at that sort of age, they can get injuries from other children but it isn't being bullied because it isn't targeted at a particular child ie a biter hasn't fully learnt yet not to bite people rather than getting angry with your son.

It is upsetting when your child is hurt, but I wonder if you being upset is unsettling your little boy.

cheepskate_2

No advice really, but quite a few of my friends have had children bitten in nursery.
Sometimes when things like this are happening we blow everything else out of proportion(not saying it isnt ) So when we go in with a big list the main thing gets lost in all of it.
If it was me, I would make the issue of the biting, and leave the others for another time(next time it happens) then easier to pin point what is being done by the staff, maybe once things have calmed with the biting, the other things wont annoy you so much

FBaby

Sorry, I understand that you are upset but yes, i think you are over-reacting and misunderstand what pre-school is all about.

Wet accidents: they happen all the time, are common, and can go on for years. It might have been a one off for your son, but it wouldn't be for the carers. The fact they have handed the wet clothes is the indication of what happened. There would be no need to discuss this event with you. There is nothing to discuss really.

Wipes: Why are you concluding that they have been used for other children? Maybe they used it on your son when he wet himself and they left them in the room, forgetting to put them back in his bag. No big deal again, just ask tomorrow where they are.

Clothes: again, no big deal at all. The carer who looked after him probably didn't realise he had his own clothes. Nursery will have some spare clothes and that was used. Just remind them that he does have his own set of clothes and would prefer these to be used.

1st incident: Not nice as a mum to see a big egg on your child's head, but unfortunately, that's the nature of nursery, you can't assure they won't be such incident. The nursery should indeed report it and put in place measures to minimise these incidents. It is difficult for them because they of course want to protect all the children, but also want to give a chance to 'difficult' children to integrate with others. What is important is that it is well managed.

2nd incident: Now that's two incidents from the same child in two months. The bitting itself again is part of being in pre-school and common. Carers are expected to discipline the child firmly but gently and provide support to the child bitten. My son was bitten a number of times, but I have to confess that he did so too a couple of times. He was told off both times. He is now an absolutely lovely 10 yo (was a lovely 3 yo too when he got over the terrible 2 stage!). Saying that, as it happened with the same child again, I would expect the nursery to be much more vigilant. No point in over-reacting because again, it is part of pre-school life, but I would want to discuss with the pre-school what they intend on doing so that such occurences don't happen again, explaining that you are concerned your child is starting to be emotionally affected by it.

All in all, relax. The whole point of pre-school is for children to learn to interact with others. Unfortunately, it comes with having to deal with aggressive behaviour.

meritaten

yes kids do squabble and sometimes physically lash out. I am though concerned that it is the same child both times. and your little boy is reluctant to go to preschool. This does need you to have a word with the preschool. especially as a human bite does need medical attention. are there still marks on his face? if you havent photographed them already do so now - the evidence may be useful in future.
please hun - even if you are upset make sure you have read and understood what you are signing! That any incident of this nature is recorded ACCURATELY in the accident book!
You are NOT a bad parent! but, even in the best run nurserys one child can cause havoc - dont be afraid to complain and do NOT be fobbed off by 'oh but, the poor child has learning difficulties'! That is not your concern - yours is the safety of your child! this too is a prime concern of the nursery/school. They are leaving themselves open to a court case if after a few incidents where a child is hurt they do nothing about this other child.

angelil

FBaby wrote: »

Sorry, I understand that you are upset but yes, i think you are over-reacting and misunderstand what pre-school is all about.

Wet accidents: they happen all the time, are common, and can go on for years. It might have been a one off for your son, but it wouldn't be for the carers. The fact they have handed the wet clothes is the indication of what happened. There would be no need to discuss this event with you. There is nothing to discuss really.

Wipes: Why are you concluding that they have been used for other children? Maybe they used it on your son when he wet himself and they left them in the room, forgetting to put them back in his bag. No big deal again, just ask tomorrow where they are.

Clothes: again, no big deal at all. The carer who looked after him probably didn't realise he had his own clothes. Nursery will have some spare clothes and that was used. Just remind them that he does have his own set of clothes and would prefer these to be used.

1st incident: Not nice as a mum to see a big egg on your child's head, but unfortunately, that's the nature of nursery, you can't assure they won't be such incident. The nursery should indeed report it and put in place measures to minimise these incidents. It is difficult for them because they of course want to protect all the children, but also want to give a chance to 'difficult' children to integrate with others. What is important is that it is well managed.

2nd incident: Now that's two incidents from the same child in two months. The bitting itself again is part of being in pre-school and common. Carers are expected to discipline the child firmly but gently and provide support to the child bitten. My son was bitten a number of times, but I have to confess that he did so too a couple of times. He was told off both times. He is now an absolutely lovely 10 yo (was a lovely 3 yo too when he got over the terrible 2 stage!). Saying that, as it happened with the same child again, I would expect the nursery to be much more vigilant. No point in over-reacting because again, it is part of pre-school life, but I would want to discuss with the pre-school what they intend on doing so that such occurences don't happen again, explaining that you are concerned your child is starting to be emotionally affected by it.

All in all, relax. The whole point of pre-school is for children to learn to interact with others. Unfortunately, it comes with having to deal with aggressive behaviour.

I used to work in a preschool and could not agree with this more. :T

balletshoes

Don't cry your eyes out OP, yes, in my opinion you are over-reacting a little.

Biting is very common among pre-schoolers, certainly ask the school what action they took when your son was bitten. My niece went through a biting stage at nursery, her mum was mortified when she bit a little boy because they both wanted to play with the same toy (and there was nothing wrong with my niece's communication skills!).

Keep calm and follow FBaby's advice.

freddiesmum09

With the paint incident it was more the fact my DS got covered, it wasnt just a little bit on the sleeves like sometimes can happen, it just looked strange and noone really mentioned anything to me. I am sure theres an explanation its just worrying thinking another child may have done it on purpose.

With regard to the biting incident which is my main concern - I understand that kids hit/bite eachother. My DS has had a few occasions where this has happened, and where hes hit another child which I have also been informed about. The problem is that hes been quite affected by it which makes me worry something isn't quite adding up. Usually when there is a hitting/biting incident I talk it through with DS and hes not bothered at all. But today he was frightned to go in which really concerns me...usually it doesnt bother him or scare him.

I have only been upset since realising my ds was scared to go in today.

Will ring pre school tmw. to discuss.

kingfisherblue

I agree with FBaby. Excellent post.

Just one thing that leapt out at me, though - having a speech difficulty does not mean that a child has learning difficulties. Many children have speech difficulties at this age, and it is more prevalent in some areas. It is not indicative of a learning difficulty though. My own son has speech difficulties, and although some of the problems are because of his learning disability (Down's Syndrome), he also has physical abnormalities that prevent 'normal' speech. A chap that I was with at school was one of the brightest people I know, but he had a physical abnormality that meant his speech lacks clarity because he cannot pronounce many words clearly.

pigpen

Get used to the paint, you will have it until he leaves school.

You should give them earache over the not changing nappies.. that is just lazy and disgusting and putting him at risk of getting sore.

It is common for children to wet themselves even up to 7 or 8 years of age.. don't sweat it.. he might have been engrossed in playing and waited too long.

My daughter was bitten on the face and scratched badly her very first day at nursery.. these things happen, they are toddlers not fully functioning adults. I wasn't called, the staff spoke to me when I went to collect her and the other childs mum was clearly upset by the incident too, it wasn't her fault of course, the little boy was 3 and lacked the skills to communicate his feelings so lashed out.. perfectly normal behaviour. They have no idea others feel pain like they do and no comprehension of being sorry for their actions.. this comes much later, up to 8 years is usual. My daughter is now 10 so it is 7 years since the incident and she still has a couple of scars from the scratches on her face.

I think you are upset because he is your baby and you already have the feeling you don't want to leave him and your anxiety will be rubbing off on him added to this other childs behaviour making him feel frightened or anxious.

I would suggest you speak to the staff and make your feelings known, you cannot leave him if you do not have confidence in the staff to care for your boy and keep him safe. Maybe suggest they need to review their policies on nappy changes and get help in to deal with the other boy if his behaviour is that bad. Starting again at another nursery would be stressful and difficult for you both and there may be a child who behaves even worse elsewhere

(((hugs)))