How Do You Do It?

chirpychick

Thank you everyone, It is so reassuring to read "normal" stories
One of my friends actually said yesterday "wow you are doing amazingly, I was impressed if I could manage to get dressed by 6 weeks with my first" and it made me realise what we see of others is so different to how we see ourselves!
I was shocked that one of my friends saw me as doing as well as how I was seeing some others.
All your stories have made me feel so much better and just taking it 1 day at a time.
Funnily enough since the day I wrote this my little boy has been so much more settled and I talked to my hubby who told me that I have never had routine in my life (mainly because of shift work) and that if I had a routine i would find it easier so I wrote us a daily guide each day and I try and follow that as best I can now and it has made me feel much more in control
My little boy is currently up, fed, dressed and smiling, kicking , flailing his arms around and gurgling whilst on the play mat and i have just finished breakfast - this is all an achievement in itself On Monday I was panicking how we would get out of the house and be at the doctors by 10.30am but now I know that I have a block of time before then when he will have his nap so i can get dressed myself and I even have time to to stick some washing on and write this before we go

He is still suffering with what i think is reflux of course (so im knackered) but hopefully the GP today will be able to give him something to help!

Thanks so much everyone for making me feel normal and not that i was failing myself or my little family i feel so much better now.

snowleopard61

:j:T:beer:

Mismatched

Little victories

I really do sympathize chirpychick - I have a 6 month old and also had quite a traumatic birth (although not nearly as bad as yours) was in hospital for a while and was in a lot of pain when I got home. I need to listen to my own advice probably (my mum keeps saying this to me too), but you just need to cut yourself some slack. Even now sometimes everything doesn't get done, but as long as everyone is fed and clean, it will be okay.

Take any help that's offered, it's not weakness at all, and ultimatley, letting yourself recover and take care of your basic needs will make you a better mum. Routine does help, and I was really disorganised before I had my son, but bedtime routine, and mealtime routine does seem to make stuff run smoothly. It's rubbish at first but once you get into it, and baby does too, it's quite relaxing to know what's going to happen (well, y'know, as much as you can with young babies)

The housework will wait, if you can have a 10 minute blitz (or hubby can) while baby is asleep, great, if not, don't worry. Eat healthy as much as you can, but don't worry about cooking anything super complicated (even soup from pre-chopped veg is easy, just bung it all in a pan and easy food for a couple of days). I think i ate a lot of egg and beans on toast...

I had to remind myself a lot, but you do need to eat, wash and wee, and don't think you have to sit by them all the time. I was awful for hovering over him thinking someting would happen, but when they are happy watching TV or sleeping (I do let mine watch some, he will sit in a bouncy chair and play happily for half hour or so), sieze your opportunity!

Sorry for ranting/rambling, but it really bugs me how judgmental people can me to new mums (very quick to ask you what you do all day), and some people who do have children might even have forgotten how tough it was at first. Best of luck, and remember that it does get better. Enjoy your baby x

chirpychick

I just thought id quickly nip on to say we in the doctors words "passed the 6 week check with flying colours" and baby F has infant gaviscon to help, he has just had a bottle and already there is a difference

threemuttleys

Well done Chirpy

((hugs)) to you.

To all those who think that new mums today have it easy, can nob off IMHO. I struggled big time with my son when he was first born. I had no one who could help, not even a neighbour (claimed their generation had it harder, so why would they help me! :rotfl:)

And, yes I spent many hours stressing about housework, about making dinner, even about getting the dogs out (luckily, they werent bothered!) and I do recall sitting on the sofa with DS for hours on end (I breast fed) desperate for a wee, hungry, but everytime I moved, he screamed blue murder!

Like many other posters, I found little ways of getting (some) things done. We ate LOADS of beans on toast, pasta n sauce and erm Papa Johns. I also got used to the idea of cold tea, and toast!

Little things help tho. Just squirt some cleaner (or bleach) down the bog (if you get a chance to have a wee), when LO is asleep, get some rest, being tired makes things so much worse!
If you need to shop, use Ocado, so long as you have food in your tummies, and are clean, warm and dry, you will be fine.

Yes, somethings fall by the wayside (I haven't tidied my food cupboards in yonks!) and even now with a 2 year old, some things just dont get done. No one is going to die because I havent hoovered!

(big hugs) and ignore those perfect mummies, and no it all rellies...if they are that fussed by your home, then give them a duster!

kangamama

scooterwife wrote: »

I found this on here somewhere, I think it says everything


I hope that my child, looking back on today
Will remember a mother who had time to play;
Because children grow up while you're not looking,
There are years ahead for cleaning and cooking.
So, quiet now cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm nursing my baby, and babies don't keep.

This is exactly what I was going to post. I have it pinned on my fridge! I also would recommend a sling. It should help with the reflux too as he'll stay upright. There are loads out there and you can pick up something like a Close Carrier or Moby wrap for quite a bargain on ebay. I stilll use a sling with my youngest at 16 months as she has days where she just wants cuddles so I sling her on my back and can have the closeness while still being able to do the washing up or hoover!

I'm glad the 6 week check went well. Try to enjoy this time while they're tiny as before you know it they're at school and you'll miss them xx

sonastin

Well its seems like you are well on the way to feeling back in control. And you have support from your partner which is the most important thing. If your nan is 4 hours away and still thinks you should be waiting on him hand and foot, a little white lie won't hurt.

She might as well believe that you were poised and ready to cook a delicious 4 course dinner for him just as soon as he arrived home, with everything prepped and ready to go. But he insisted on cooking/enjoys cooking/arrived home with a takeaway. She doesn't need to hear the bit about him getting the takeaway because you were having a meltdown in the middle of the kitchen because you'd burnt boiling water! The only reason to share those kinds of details is to elicit support - if all you get is judgement, cover up the negatives and get your support from those more realistic.

budgetboo

Your whole world changes when you become a Mum for the first time. Hormones alone mean it takes a few months to regain your equilibrium.

In my Mum's day (she's 76) all first time Mums were kept in hospital for the first 10 days. I walked home the day I gave birth. Back in the day extended family were on hand to do the kitchen floor, and neighbourhood teens were expected to mind the baby at no 10 for an hour as part of their own training for adulthood as a matter of course. Isolation & loneliness is the overlooked scourge of modern motherhood.

Nowadays social services are called if you leave the pram at the bottom of the garden all afternoon (so you couldn't hear the poor mite scream!) while you dust your ornaments or transform into a Stepford wife before hubby gets home.


If I used the stay warm feature on my £10 argos cheapy slow cooker I could manage to get a hot dinner (He had health issues and was really skilled at playing up or producing a humdinger of a nappy filling just as I sat down to eat)

I discovered they do frozen ready prepped stew veg for approx £1 & that and a pack of stewing steak bunged in the slow cooker equals dinner for a couple of nights. )A nice Irish stew or casserole is wonderful comfort food in this weather and does it really matter that you haven't spent an hour prepping the veg yourself?

Online grocery shopping & a slow cooker/microwave is your friend.

ALL mothers feel guilty and they aren't doing enough - it's part of the condition imho.

Fly lady level 1 and a timer helped ensure nothing turned green and started walking in my fridge or sink and that the loo didn't make you want to hurl. I still use my one pound shop kitchen timer for 15 mins to tackle the worst of it on bad days.

The impact on our mood of sleep deprivation is often underestimated (trust me, after 8 years as my child has a dignosed sleep issue - I'm an expert;))

Even now if a friend isn't capable of putting the kettle on herself when she pops round then she won't be invited for a second visit lol!

Some of those Mums you look at with envy now, you'll be regarding with pity by the time your children are 20. The drug addicted teen or habitual criminal member of the group has yet to be identified. Often the ones that give their parents the most grief long term started off as the wee angels of the most perfect Mums.

After all you've been through your partner is probably really enjoying the chance to help you, so don't let Gran's sour words put him off. It'll help you both bond as parents & as a couple. Babies are so dependent for such a short time that it's more important you get to enjoy a time that'll whizz past sooner than you think. Anyone who is more interested in the skirting boards than that precious little bundle in your arms doesn't deserve thinking about.

Fruball

Hi Chirpy

Just wondered how you are doing? xx

Patchwork_Quilt

Congratulations and I'm sorry you have been through so much to get here. I agree with the poster who said you must concentrate on yourself first. However, you get lots of advice when you've got a new baby and the best thing to do is sift it all to pick out the parts that suit you.

We didn't get into a routine until DD was 10 weeks old, when we started feeding her baby rice and her stomach calmed down. Poor little thing. Until then, it was constant colic. I know this was against all advice but it worked for us. After that, we stuck rigidly to the routine unless she was ill. She went for an afternoon nap at the same time every day, whether she wanted it or not, and this gave me time to catch up in the house. DH did bedtimes and that gave me a chance to get in the bath and relax. I don't imagine that many people follow such a set routine now but it gave me the chance to get organised.

Good luck and remember that this is only a season.