How Do You Do It?

Popperwell

Fruball wrote: »

As for people appearing to cope better than you, poppycock You don't know what goes on behind closed doors and how many of those mothers have sat on the floor sobbing and calling mums/husbands for help. Believe me, one of my most able friends ended up in a heap on the floor in despair when her first was born!

What do I know? Not having children but that's pretty much as I see it. Even households without any family. We may look ok when shopping or meeting neighbours but no one knows how people struggle financially, healthwise or for a hundred and one reasons when the door closes.

evie451

hah Fruball just brought back memories of the tea reheating, I knew I was making progress when I was under 4 reheats on the tea.......
He is tiny, look after yourself and him and you will be fine. Dont feel you have some sort of standard to live up to, everyone copes with the first few months differently. I had a friend who retained her sanity by having a full face of make up and her earrings and jewellery on, granted it looked a bit out of place when the health visitor came over and she was still in her jammies at 4pm covered in baby sick but it helped her!! :rotfl:
Fruball is also right about how baby care has changed regarding the 4hrly feeding and the leaving the child to cry, obviously not everyone did this but it was the norm!

THIRZAH

I agree-six weeks is no time at all. Some people are lucky and have babies who settle into a routine .Others have babies like my DD2 who hardly ever slept-DD1 was sleeping through the bulk of the night at 3 months and I spent a great deal of time worrying about what I'd done wrong with DD2!

Your Nan probably had a lot more help from family than you do. My grandmother did my mother's washing for several weeks whenever she had a baby and she was there to babysit too.I bet your Nan spent several days in hospital or at least in bed at home after her children were born and she would have had a daily visit from the midwife for ten days after the births. My DD had a C-section but was still discharged after less than 48 hours, she lived in a flat with no lift and the midwife still only called a couple of times.She found it very hard to cope.

Try to relax. It really is early days yet.

msb5262

Hi OP,

Let as much as possible go where housework is concerned - for instance, forget ironing almost everything. Your body is trying to recover from pregnancy and birth!
Think of the easiest healthy meals you can and that's what you're having for the next 4 weeks at least...for example, beans on toast; jacket potatoes with tuna; pasta with pesto and grated cheese; scrambled eggs or omelettes; chicken pieces roasted in a tin with vegetables. There are 5 ideas and if you had those for weekdays over the next few weeks, you won't get scurvy and you might feel a bit less kn*ckered!
If you can get the energy to do a basic bolognese or chilli, make double and freeze half.
But above all, take NO NOTICE of anyone who suggests you're not doing a good job. You are a mum now and you need to rest, relax and enjoy your baby. Do as little housework as possible and be kind to yourself!

Best wishes
MsB

valk_scot

Lovelyjoolz wrote: »

, and she cooked every single meal from scratch. There was no choice in the seventies - ready meals were unheard of.

Actually that's not true. The 70's were the heyday of synthetic food like Vesta dried meals, Smash, Angel Delight and tinned risotto. There were freezers full of Birds Eye boil in the bag ready meals and shelves full of meals in tins, including double ended tins where you got curry in one end and lumpy rice in the other. And cook-in sauces started to sneak in at the end of the 70's...Homepride curry sauce was a particular favourite of my mum's. She was a terrible cook and embraced the ready made culture of the time with enthusiasm. I learned to cook in self defence.

savingqueen

Congrats chirpy on your new baby! 6 weeks is nothing honestly. When we had our 1st, in the beginning I tried to get out of the house every day even if just for a little walk and that helped me stay sane. However sometimes I would be walking up our road at 6pm just as DH was walking back from station - it had taken me all day to get out for a walk!!

We lived on a certain brand of pasta bake (not every meal but felt like it at times) and things like jacket potatoes with different toppings. DH or I used to cook properly at weekends and during the week we struggled through.

It will get easier though. I managed 2nd baby with a demanding toddler - got to toddler groups for 10am and did more round the house, saw friends more etc. I couldn't understand how I couldn't do that with baby number 1. Second time round, the house was a tip for months and I didn't care who came round by then. Cut yourself some slack and just go with the flow. Even today with boys of 6 and 8, some days the house is decentish, other days a tip,k rare days looks lovely - this only every happens when no-one is due to visit:rotfl:. Today whole sitting room is covered with zillions of action figures, washing drying everywhere, teetering piles of paperwork but we have food for dinner, clean clothes and managed to clean the loos so we are doing just fine!

You will develop a routine. I used to sit and fold basketful of dry washing in the eves with DH on the sofa for example and also one of us would do baby's bedtime routine, the other dinner etc. I did housework in tiny stints - so if a sink got cleaned or the washing machine turned on :T I would forgot ironing anything - what's the point of neatly ironed clothes covered in baby sick? If anyone comes over (friend or family you feel really comfortable to begin with maybe?) get them to change or feed baby while you do a chore and then swap, get them to do a chore and then both have a well deserved cuppa. Forget lots of homemade cakes and complicated meals and just take one day at a time. If meal planning seems too hard for a week or more, just meal plan for 2/3 days at a time - it really helps to know what's for dinner, one less stress.

good luck, you'll be fine, just give yourself some time.

kettlenic

Just clean the lounge and instruct visitors to stick to that room only

Honestly no one will expect you to have a perfectly clean house and be all with organised - you are a new mum!!

poppyjane

Oh you poor thing. I've blanked most of it out in horror!! If you really do want to get things done (and can I suggest that you enjoy having a really good excuse, and try and get a nap when you can instead!) why don't you get a sling? http://www.huggababy.co.uk/ was the one that worked for us. While they're really little, you'll still need a hand to keep them steady in it, but that does at least give you one free hand. And it's a lot better for your back and sanity. They're in a good position too, so might help with the reflux. Lots of babies can't bear to be put down, so you might find it'll make our life easier in a lot of ways. Good luck!!! xxx

*zippy*

My youngest wouldn't be put down and didn't have a daytime nap from the day she was born, the only way I managed was using a sling and DH used to take over when he got in from work so I could do things I couldn't do wearing the sling.. We lived on oven chips or pasta with a jar of sauce for a long time.

snowleopard61

Chirpychick, I could just about have written your post about 22 years ago. I was so looking forward to giving up work and being a perfect housewife and mother that the difficulty of reconciling 'housewife' with 'mother' really took me by surprise. I too had a very difficult first baby and the impossibility of getting things done drove me mad.

It could also have been the time (and my own mother and friends' mothers did this) where, as long as it wasn't raining, babies were wheeled down the garden in their prams and left to get 'fresh air' for hours And also the time where crying was considered to be "Exercising their lungs!" another one my mum trotted out to me when I had DS.

A time where 4 hourly feeds were adhered too, and the mother didn't worry or get upset about baby crying because she couldn't hear whilst she was vacuuming and baby was at the end of the garden until the allotted time was up :rotfl:

Fruball's quote is so absolutely true. Modern mothers (including my 'generation') may have plenty of labour-saving devices, but they are also expected to give their babies and children far more attention and be far more responsive than your granny would have been at that stage of life.

Don't be so hard on yourself, and believe me it does get easier (well, different anyway).