How to deal with constant moaners

susieanne

Just wondered how you deal with very close friends & relatives who constanly look on the down side and have a chip on there shoulder who can turn really nasty at the drop of a hat , never having a good word to say about anyone including me . Those people that if you have done something they have done it ten times better , them really annoying people who you wish you could delete from your lifes but its not as easy as that .

Being serious how do you deal with people like this im feeling really drained

fluffnutter

Well, it depends. How much do you want them in your life? If you do, I guess you've just got to accept them as they are, but try to limit the exposure a little. No one should run you down and there are things you can do about that... Please don't talk about me like that. Please don't talk to me like that.

At the end of the day you can't change people. You can only change your own response to them.

balletshoes

if this is a friend of yours, then its not that difficult to drop them - as they're not your friend if they never have anything good to say about you.

if this is a close relative, there are a couple of ways you can deal with it. You could try, the very next time they start, stopping them and saying that if they really don't have anything nice or supportive to say, you don't want to hear it. You don't have to be confrontational or aggressive, calm and assertive is the way to do it.

Or, you can excuse yourself from their presence when they start their normal nonsense. Just because you're related, doesn't mean you have to end up feeling drained by them.

fluffnutter

I had a friend who exhausted me in this way. She used to use me as her emotional punchbag and I became the focus of all that was wrong in her own life. She'd run me down, make spiteful comments about my relationship with my husband, dig about things, put me on edge constantly. All out of envy because her own life was lacking.

I tried to ask her to stop but in the end I had to stop seeing her. I do miss her a lot. She was great fun. But I don't miss feeling constantly on edge whenever I saw her. Don't surround yourself with negative people, OP, particularly if you're the focus of that negativity.

Errata

Ignore them or agree with everything they say.

SailorSam

I've got one mate who constantly moans about money saying how much he's struggling but want listen to any advice, for example i've told him over and over to come and read here on Mse. And yet he thinks nothing of having a night out in the Casino or phoning the bookie with a £20 bet.
He got in touch earlier 'cos the lottery will be £2. I told him he should stop, more and more people are realising it;s not worth it. His answer ......... But i have to do it, i'm only on benefits how do they expect me to live on that.

Brighton_belle

susieanne wrote: »

Just wondered how you deal with very close friends & relatives who constanly look on the down side and have a chip on there shoulder who can turn really nasty at the drop of a hat , never having a good word to say about anyone including me . Those people that if you have done something they have done it ten times better , them really annoying people who you wish you could delete from your lifes but its not as easy as that .

Being serious how do you deal with people like this im feeling really drained

Well I have learnt to be really really choosy who I spend my time with - so I no longer have any friends who I don't feel really good and happy around.
It is hard to see how anyone that ghastly to be around would qualify as the word 'friend'...more sort of 'people I have known for ages and feel obligated to be around through habit rather than challenge myself to realise I have made a conscious choice to allow my life energy to be wasted in this way with these people'.
If nothing else, stop thinking of them as friends and more as aquantances, then you at least won't be thinking, 'why do I have such rubbish friends?'
And for the future, look at how you develope friendships - do you feel quickly under obligation to 'be friends' (as opposed to pleasntly frinedly in manner) with someone just because they spoke to you or you went once to a social event with them?
Do you feel obliged to out if asked, evenif your heart sinks at the thought? It is these patterns of behaviour in yourself you need to work on.
Moving to a new area is a drastic but great way of starting over...

Family are harder to deal with through voting with your feet. But I would still look at creating strategies to limit time with them and off set it with activites/peoplethat leave you feeling energised and happy, so their impact is lessened.

Make a list of who you love being around and maximise opportunites to interact with them.

j.e.j.

There's a very, very negative person I know and I find it a lot easier to deal with her if there are lots of other people around, as it seems to deflect her a bit. She is a real woe-is-me type, constantly whinging about something or someone. Almost everything she says is a variant of 'poor me, isn't everybody else terrible', etc etc ad infinitum!

I think of it like a large heavy weight, - it's too much for one person to manage, but a lot of people together can maybe share the load a bit, lol.

sassyblue

My sister is one. She's a gold medallist in narcissism. :rotfl:

l don't go round often and when she rings me l get off the phone soon as l can. If we're in company and she starts, l go off somewhere to talk to someone else (if l can) and if l cant l think of something positive about the situation - l just don't give her the opportunity to run on and on about the slights she sees. She is learning with me but its taken years.

It's an interesting question though, I've still got to train my workmate, a man in his 50s. I have honestly never met a woman as nasty, jealous and b1tchy as he is. He drains my energy too. :eek:

On the other hand though, we're saving for a new car and its a costly one. When l roll up in it he's going to be incandescent with rage, he won't talk to me for a couple of days then he'll come out with all sorts of supposed failings the car will have (after he's been googling bad stuff about it no doubt). Perversely l really enjoy those days... :rotfl:

exarmydreamer

susieanne wrote: »

Just wondered how you deal with very close friends & relatives who constanly look on the down side and have a chip on there shoulder who can turn really nasty at the drop of a hat , never having a good word to say about anyone including me . Those people that if you have done something they have done it ten times better , them really annoying people who you wish you could delete from your lifes but its not as easy as that .

Being serious how do you deal with people like this im feeling really drained

Sounds like my father in law and sister in law, I don't now have to deal with them as they live 250 miles away and never visit/call me and I never visit or call them.

Best suggestion ignore and avoid or smile and close ears.:rotfl:

ValHaller

susieanne wrote: »

Just wondered how you deal with very close friends & relatives who constanly look on the down side and have a chip on there shoulder who can turn really nasty at the drop of a hat , never having a good word to say about anyone including me . Those people that if you have done something they have done it ten times better , them really annoying people who you wish you could delete from your lifes but its not as easy as that .

Being serious how do you deal with people like this im feeling really drained

It's terrible, there are too many people like that in this world and they shouldn't be allowed to carry on like it. The best thing is to go somewhere else and moan about them.