My husband has anxiety problems

belfastgirl23

Well done to your DH for trying to get a grip on this before it gets worse.

First thing is he needs to have faith it can get better. Track down inspirational stories of people who have gotten beyond anxiety. I can tell you that I suffered anxiety problems for years and am now 99% better. I suffer a little anxiety from time to time but I think that's normal if you are prepared to push yourself a little. And this is clearly his strategy, to push his boundaries out a little. This is what worked for me. Though sometimes taking on and doing a HUGELY scary thing can also be beneficial as it gave me a huge rush of confidence that made doing the ongoing smaller things easier.

I would advise him to use basic CBT principles. So can he set himself long term and short term goals. And record them in a book. And then start identifying specific actions to help him towards his goals and ticking them off. So his big goal might be to go on holiday when right now he's not comfortable being outside the house. So his first goal is to identify a short walk and use google streetview to imagine walking it. Next goal is to go for this walk every day for a week, progressing to going into a space (eg a church) that he can leave anytime he wants, then gradually progressing to other spaces and staying for longer. Then an overnight stay somewhere. He should use the book to reflect on how he feels so that he can look back and see progress over time (I used this recently for something and it is really good to be able to see the progress I made). It's really important to write in the book every day, both on achievements for the previous day and on goals for the next day. It's important that he visualises being successful as best he can (this isn't always easy but you can help by reminding him of his achievements in the past, how he was scared and did it anyway!)

Be careful about how involved you become. Absolutely reassure and support him. But he needs to be able to do things alone or else you will just become a crutch and this will be bad for both of you long term.

He needs to understand that this isn't a race and it is a long slow and sometimes painful process. But the rewards are so fantastic, I can't tell you! Life without anxiety is amazing.

As a ps, physical exercise is a key element in supporting good health, both mental and physical. As is getting enough sleep and eating well.

victory

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Be careful about how involved you become. Absolutely reassure and support him. But he needs to be able to do things alone or else you will just become a crutch and this will be bad for both of you long term.

He needs to understand that this isn't a race and it is a long slow and sometimes painful process. But the rewards are so fantastic, I can't tell you! Life without anxiety is amazing.

As a ps, physical exercise is a key element in supporting good health, both mental and physical. As is getting enough sleep and eating well.

These points are very important ones. It is perfectly understandable you want to help your OH but as said if you are always available, always helping he will find it terribly hard to cope alone, slowing down his progress.

The race comment is also very important, one can get very impatient and stressed over how long it all takes, leading to more anxiety, defeating the purpose.

I know you said you go for walks, perfect, fresh air, brisk walk, light exercise, it is a powerful recuperation medicine

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Don't forget to look after yourself as well.

Otherwise it can feel like looking after another child - which is unhealthy for any relationship.


He needs to go to the GP - it might be that both his parents had ASD, he might 'just' be lacking in socialisation skills, or he could be on the spectrum himself.



Depression can be common with ASD/Asperger's as it's so stressful dealing with people and things that can't be changed, along with a need for interaction that isn't there.


(It's something I'm just looking into thanks to this site)

Have a look at the Aspie quiz
http://rdos.net/eng/


Could any of this apply to him?

benjismum

Just a quick message - last night and today have been draining, I'm very tired. Thank you for the continued support, I really appreciate it. Briefly, today we have been to the doctors and got him some medication and to the library to pick up some books on anxiety/CBT. He has started reading one of them and I hope to read it too. We have a long way to go and I know it's going to be hard for both of us.