My husband has anxiety problems

victory

benjismum wrote: »

I am thinking of asking him to write down all the things he's worried about so we can talk through them one by one and try to find a way of easing each one, is that a good idea?

Yes it is, there is something hugely therapeutic about getting thoughts out of your mind and onto paper, either keep it to look back on or write, scrunch up and bin, it is so helpful

benjismum

megan01 wrote: »

Definitely get him to do the darts thing. it will make him feel more 'normal' give him confidence in something additional and away from you, not to sound bad but he needs to feel like he has an interest in himself if you get me. If you get a whiteboard, split it into days, and then put all the stuff in it that he wants to do, i.e. darts, walk with you on a sunday afternoon, and then fills the additional time with keeping busy decorating or whatever you do, then he will feel like he has time for his hobbies, and for keeping busy. But he needs to be able to learn to be content with doing nothing, he needs to learn to manage his mind when its just him alone, and not kept busy. So make sure there are periods of time in there that are kept free so he can learn to control his mind in these situations. When he sees a therapist, they will give him techniques to do it.

I've found what helped me, is finding a genuine interest in my own physical and mental health. I read articles about how to keep yourself mentally healthy, such as regular sleep pattern, getting outside everyday etc, and food wise I only put food in me that is intended to be, not man made processed foods. By having health awareness it makes sure you are treating your body the best that you can so you don't fall into bad habits and it might help lift the anxiety a bit.

Hi Megan, thanks for a great post

The problem with him doing a hobby is he tells himself he needs to be REALLY good at it, better than anyone else. I don't know where he gets this from, I couldn't give two hoots if I lose at something. So he's kind of shooting himself in the foot all the time. But yes, I do think it would be a very good idea.

He wanted to start exercising more often, (not to lose weight, but to tone up and build up his strength) he has a desk job and only gets outside at the weekends with me and the dog. As I'm trying to lose weight at the moment we said we'd start and do an exercise dvd some evenings. This has only happened twice because he's too busy worrying about other things. I put just dance on the wii some nights and he comes and joins in with that sometimes which is fun.

I'll get him to write down all his interests so he's got something to choose from when he's got spare time. He's got far more interests than he thinks he has! As for the being content doing nothing - I'm finding it heaven! I've got lots of time now to do my crafting and am trying to relax more (I tend to rush about doing things then end up exhausted). Sometimes when we've, say, played a game, he'll say straightaway "what are we doing next?" which is exhausting sometimes, especially on long, wet weekends!

One good thing, he's told his boss and a woman he works with what's going on and they're really understanding as they've both had issues in the past. Also he's told one of his schoolfriends who he keeps in contact with via msn and his aunt.

I feel much better already just getting this all off my chest today, I was shaking while I was writing the first post. Thanks so much everyone

benjismum

victory wrote: »

Yes it is, there is something hugely therapeutic about getting thoughts out of your mind and onto paper, either keep it to look back on or write, scrunch up and bin, it is so helpful

Thanks for this, he's got some work to do tonight with all these lists Hopefully it will help to make some sense of it all.

Person_one

benjismum wrote: »

I think he went once after he split with his ex but he decided to tackle it on his own. I think he needs to talk to someone now, but he's very cynical and doesn't like people knowing his business.

I'd suggest that he asks his GP for some information about CBT.

Its not a 'tell me about your childhood trauma' kind of therapy, its a more practical approach that gives you techniques for dealing with unhelpful and anxiety inducing thought processes. The catastrophic thinking that elsien mentioned earlier is a prime example of the kind of thing that can really be helped by CBT.

victory

benjismum wrote: »

One good thing, he's told his boss and a woman he works with what's going on and they're really understanding as they've both had issues in the past. Also he's told one of his schoolfriends who he keeps in contact with via msn and his aunt.

I feel much better already just getting this all off my chest today, I was shaking while I was writing the first post. Thanks so much everyone

Talking is excellent to, if he cannot attend CBT then why not buy him the CBT book for dummies? Excellent book, there are ideas, tips, pages of ' home work' to do, if one keeps aware, keeps writing, reading, talking it all be ones much clearer and can calm

victory

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0470665416/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=103612307&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0470667206&pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_r=095PQQKAMERN2GA42B10

benjismum

CBT might just be the thing he needs, I'll bring it up later. I will, of course, go to the doctors with him if he wants me to. The dummies book looks interesting, I've bookmarked it

Person_one

benjismum wrote: »

CBT might just be the thing he needs, I'll bring it up later. I will, of course, go to the doctors with him if he wants me to. The dummies book looks interesting, I've bookmarked it

Here's the NHS page if either of you want a bit more info before speaking to the doc:

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Cognitive-behavioural-therapy/Pages/Introduction.aspx

dizziblonde

benjismum wrote: »

Thanks for this, he's got some work to do tonight with all these lists Hopefully it will help to make some sense of it all.

Lists are the other main thing I do to cope with it all - I have lists before we go away to pack, I have lists of jobs to do, I have lists of things I need to buy, lists of things I need to nag my husband to do (this one's a LOOOOONG one)... just gives some of the feeling of control back in terms of being able to tick things off and also helps with the horrible thoughts - if I've managed to distil the sequence of events that can possibly lead up to one of those mini-apocalypses into a list, I can see how close I am step-by-step to averting it (this doesn't quite work with the dead dog, and my money worries one has been stuck on "win the lottery" for about a decade).

I'm very much a perfectionist who hates being mediocre at hobbies to - I would say it's "natural" but I think the roots of my anxiety stem from a very very critical high-pressured upbringing where my best was never good enough.

Lilith1980

megan01 wrote: »

He needs to go to his doctors to get some more medication, and also to go see a counsellor, to talk through his old issues.

Equally OP, if you feel that going to a counsellor yourself will be helpful so that you have some space to talk about YOUR feelings, then look into that. You could go to your GP, or if you have a local branch of Mind near you then a lot of them offer counselling x