Am I being unreasonable here? Advice needed!

tyllwyd

So you are in a relationship with this guy, but none of your friends know, his ex doesn't know, she pops round constantly and their joint pictures are all over the house? When she comes over, are you ever there?

If this has been going on for three months, it doesn't sound as if he has moved on as much as he says he has. What is the time limit on keeping your relationship secret? And doesn't he think his ex is going to be more hurt that he was seeing you secretly for months before he tells her?

It sounds like a bit of a minefield and there is potential for a big falling out when it all comes out into the open. I hope you don't get hurt over it.

spike241

Are on you on facebook as well?
If you are then could you post a message on his wall that would make it clear to his ex that you're together without it sounding like that's what you're trying to do?

If he's not happy about it then it'll show that he cares more about her feelings than yours.

19lottie82

spike241 wrote: »

Are on you on facebook as well?
If you are then could you post a message on his wall that would make it clear to his ex that you're together without it sounding like that's what you're trying to do?

If he's not happy about it then it'll show that he cares more about her feelings than yours.

I wouldn't do this. If he has made it clear he doesn't want his ex to know and you did this then he is likely to be v peed off and no wonder, it's pretty sneaky!

I would do what others suggest and take a few steps back.
Tell him how you feel but explain that you don't want to put any pressure on him. Suggest that you return to being friends for a month or so and during that time he can work out what he wants to do.
If he really likes you it will be an easy decision for him to make.
Maybe he isn't that into you or maybe he does like you but is just wary about his ex, especially if he doesn't want to lose her as a friend.

I can understand he doesn't want to upset his ex but at the same time, if he is serious about you, then you don't deserve to be disrespected by having to look at pics of him and his ex or pretending to people that you're not together.

Joons

spike241 wrote: »

Are on you on facebook as well?
If you are then could you post a message on his wall that would make it clear to his ex that you're together without it sounding like that's what you're trying to do?

If he's not happy about it then it'll show that he cares more about her feelings than yours.

Oh no! Why should she, sounds pretty immature and degrading to me.

FatVonD

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but he is still stringing her along, she is popping in because she is still sleeping with him hoping they'll get back together. He can't take down the pictures of her or tell her about you because if he does she will stop sleeping with him.

Run for your life.

spike241

I don't disagree (and I'm not saying she should, just could) but it'd be pretty degrading for me to be surrounded by pictures of my OH and his ex especially if I think he's lying to me or keeping things from me.

Bufger

Sounds like he's got you on hold whilst he works out his failed relationship. If he cant repair it with her then you're a fall back, if he does repair it with her then see you later!

Why else would he not want her to know about you? !!!!!! her feelings, mark your territory or let it go.

(An alternative opinion. I have various other scenarios but why not)

woohoo

Hi again,

his family know and so do some of his/my friends. He is careful not to tell anyone who might spill the beans to her.

I do not think they are sleeping together. I really don't.

I suppose it is the lack of respect for my feelings that is hurting. And yes this doesn't bode well for the future does it?!

Oh dear

Mojisola

woohoo wrote: »

Hi again,

his family know and so do some of his/my friends. He is careful not to tell anyone who might spill the beans to her.

I do not think they are sleeping together. I really don't.

I suppose it is the lack of respect for my feelings that is hurting. And yes this doesn't bode well for the future does it?!

Oh dear

And you've gone along with that for three months? Why?

Joons

woohoo wrote: »

Hi again,

his family know and so do some of his/my friends. He is careful not to tell anyone who might spill the beans to her.

I do not think they are sleeping together. I really don't.

I suppose it is the lack of respect for my feelings that is hurting. And yes this doesn't bode well for the future does it?!

Oh dear

I don't think they're sleeping together either but there does seem to be some unfinished business, what it is exactly I don't know! Perhaps just sitting down (rationally) and discussing it more will make him realise it's not fair on you. Why did they break up in the first place and how long were they together?