Supposed to be getting married....

Amanda65

I think the fact that you came across it in a bundle of papers means that your OH completely forgot about it. It was a 'draft' letter, he never sent it so the lady in question presumably was never aware of his feelings. The fact that he didn't send it could indicate that he realised that it wouldn't be well received way back then.

I have an ex-fiancee, still have photos and stuff in the loft as it is a part of who I was at 17-20 and in fact he is now a 'friend' on FB. We are both married - me very happily for the past 23 years. My husband has no problem at all with any of it as he knows I love him and the memories have no impact on my feelings for him.

I just wonder if the'wobble' is more to do with the feeling of enormity at booking a wedding as much as anything else. It's s shame that you came across the letter at this point (although fate does love to throw in a curve ball sometimes ). If you love this man and want to marry him and he you, accept the draft letter for what it was - some unrequited feelings that he never made known and he had moved on from. Hope the vicar's meeting goes well x

Hezzawithkids

Both myself and my OH of 25 years + (20 of them married) have kept mementos of past relationships - letters, photos, cards, etc. They are just that - mementos of other days before we met and part of who we are today. Neither of us have a problem with it and - as you say- everyone has a past. We have created a whole new set of memories together and hope to carry on doing so for many years to come.

What's done is done, your fiance never sent the letter and obviously never acted on his feelings for the other person, so put it behind you and move on. He is making a commitment to you and he sounds like a lovely man. You are about to embark on a wonderful journey together and I wish you all the luck on the world.

Joons

I suppose it just brought home to you that he's had a past, as we all have, wasn't a nice thing to find so I'm sure he feels awful about that. Totally understand your reservations as to why he still has this in his possession but I'm sure it doesn't mean he still has feelings for her, he loves you and you know that he does. I'm sure the two of you can put this behind you, you'll find lots of challenges ahead that will test your relationship a lot more than this. If you want to hold him responsible for something then it's simply that he didn't get rid of this, I'm sure he is now kicking himself!

And welcome!

System

Just because he loved her once, doesnt mean he loves her now.

victory

The letter was never sent, the feelings are in the past, he loves you, he wants to marry you, have a fantastic life together and put it where it belongs, in the past:D

bagpussbear

Hi jen1301, sorry that must have been a shock to find that note. Whilst we know that our partners obviously have a history, we don't want to have it 'in our faces' do we, and that's what's upset you. Personally speaking, why not hold off arranging your wedding until you feel more accepting of this situation? it sounds like a fast romance, why not leave the wedding discussions on the burner for a while and just enjoy dating, having fun and loving each other? And if god forbid, it happens to be more than a past infatuation with this person (from what you say I doubt it), will give you time to find that out, before the complication of marriage.

raq

well, in my attic ( well all stored up ) are the following

valentines cards, birthday cards, lots and lots of teddies and even lots more photos.

My hubby doesn,t batter an eyelid as he knows it was from 26 years ago. I can,t part with any of it and am not gonna to. They where great times and great memories.

Doesn,t mean to say I want to be back with my exes though. ( First love at 16 hurt me hugely and took quite a number of years to get over it ).

an9i77

The past is the past. So long as it happened before he met you, that's the main thing. Are you saying he's not allowed to have had any feelings for anyone until he met you?

FWIW I think you might be prudent to wait a little longer to get wed, not because of the time frame per se, but because if you are having this kind of a reaction to this kind of thing, it could be a warning sign.

victory

What have you decided?

Dave101t

ive still got naked pictures of my 1st girlfriend and ive been married for years, doesnt mean anything.