Platitudes and more platitudes.

Errata

People come out with platitudes because they actually have no real feelings about the matter, and the platitudes are simply social oil.

elsien

Fair comment, Cavework, I take your point.
Although the conversations with my relative tended to go along the lines of
Them - " You'll never get to heaven."
Me -"well, no I won't, because it doesn't exist."

Maybe it's time to go back to unplugging the phone and putting the chain on the door. Then the beggars can't get to me to annoy me! Till my tolerance gene reasserts itself.

cavework

.. often people do not know the right thing to say in situations were someone has died. so they fall back on the "so sorry" etc because they are afraid of making the person they are talking to even more upset.
Thats not about not caring for the deceased , it's about caring for the people that are left and who are grieving.

cavework

elsien wrote: »

Fair comment, Cavework, I take your point.
Although the conversations with my relative tended to go along the lines of
Them - " You'll never get to heaven."
Me -"well, no I won't, because it doesn't exist."

Maybe it's time to go back to unplugging the phone and putting the chain on the door. Then the beggars can't get to me to annoy me! Till my tolerance gene reasserts itself.

LOL ... you do that , I find playing rock music loudly (not backwards yet!) works for me at the moment and TBH sometimes I just ignore the phone when it rings ..
You TC
:A
XXX

*max*

I could have written your first two posts word for word, Elsien. I completely understand where you're coming from. The same thing happened to me when my dad died last year, and I very nearly lost it a few times. I think it's such a raw time, you just don't have the energy to try to "understand people are only being nice", if you know what I mean. It just grates and sounds insincere and empty.

It'll pass. In the meantime, take good care of yourself and try not to take anything to heart and do your best to be patient. I know it's hard!

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Edit: I don't know if you use Facebook, but if so...I kept quiet and told my friends I didn't want any empty RIP messages or even worse, one of those crappy "emotional" poems. They all respected that.

74jax

My dad is quite poorly and at times (like round his op and things) people would really grate on me.

I remember getting fed up of people saying 'if you need anything'. I would say 'like what'? Then when I would say a pint of milk, or whatever, they wouldn't have time.

I still get fed up now of people talking to me about mam. We didn't get on before her stroke so why do people think we should now. You're sorry for how mam is? OK, urrm, so?

wik

OP.... I know exactly what you are meaning, except that I am a 'huggy' person to my friends and family...
We lost my darling mum almost 2 years ago and I did OK... Work collegues and people we know locally were great, Then 8 weeks after we lost mum we went to spend a week where we used to live... again I was doing fine.. until 'this woman' (sorry to be horrid) came rushing up to me. grabbed me and almost hugged the life out of me whilst crying about how she would miss mum.... Well was all I could do to not thump her!! We had moved from the area 5 Years before and'this woman' wasnt even a close friend of the family, let alone kept in touch!
When I am back there now if i see her in shops i hide!!!

CH27

I used to smile nicely at people & mentally swear :rotfl:

I had a few words on a mental loop & it distracted me enough not to scream at someone

barbarawright

One thing I've realised (both as a giver and receiver of sympathy) is that it's actually really hard to say anything and plenty of people will avoid you for that reason. I agree that platitudes are annoying (as, occasionally, are people who barely knew the deceased acting as if it was their mother who died) but I think you have to appreciate the effort it will have taken a lot of people to say anything at all.

Person_one

Elsien, I found this book really helpful, its subtitle is The Rage of Bereavement which I think is how a lot of us feel at first.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Youll-Get-Over-It-Bereavement/dp/0140236082/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1358371047&sr=8-1