mother in law - ignoring us since i became pregnant

carol_a_3

Just a thought, how old is your MIL, if your hormones are making you a tiny bit sensitive maybe if she's at the opposite end of the spectrum and in the menopause (as I am and I feel like an alien!!) she may be feeling wierd and getting "empty nest syndrome" and "end of being a woman etc etc" . The fact that you are now starting a family with her baby boy cements the fact that he is gone for good and your pregnancy may bring up her own feelings of that part of her life being over. I had a very similar experience with my menopausal MIL when I had DD1 and we'd been married for 7 years! She soon came round though and was fine with my other two pregnancies.

I'm sure she will be fine when she realises what she's missing and sorts her head out. Just leave her be and try not to worry about it.

izoomzoom

Years ago my FIL stopped talking to me. At first I didn't realise and days passed into weeks, and then I twigged that he didn't return my greetings, give me more than a grunt when I offered things and for about 18 months this carried on, and it absolutely haunted me. I was 18 at the time, and was very hurt and it used to cause arguments between H and I, but H refused to ask his father, and I obviously couldn't as there was no communication between us.

When we got married, FIL all of a sudden started to want to be involved, and I was very reluctant to include him, but as young as I was, I held out an olive leaf, and although we have never been close, as least we have a cordial relationship.

Someone it just takes an event (wedding or baby) or a scare (emergency / accident) for people to just put the past aside and get on with life.

To this day, I don't know what happened, but it is in the past, and I don't have much to do with FIL anymore anyway (we live 10000 miles apart).

Gingham_Ribbon

People are strange. There's no getting away from it!

MIL is a lovely woman and we have a great relationship. But when we announced that we were getting married, over Christmas dinner, her reply was, 'Oh. Have you seen these photos of the garden I put in an album for FIL?' LOL She came round. I think she just didn't know what to say. But she did get all upset at the wedding about her 'baby boy' etc.

And my dad hasn't been able to call my children by name until they were born even though we named them both around week 20, because he couldn't bare to think of them as really here incase 'something went wrong'. (A real fear for various reasons but pretending they're not really here didn't stop them being real and alive inside me!)

Straight talking works with some people and not others. If she won't tell you what's wrong, make it clear that your door is open and you want her to be a granny to her grandchild. If you can, call her sometimes and ask how she is. Hopefully she ll come round> oh something [EMAIL="weird@s"]weird@s[/EMAIL] just happened to my keyboard!

seven-day-weekend

First of all, congratulations!

I can see that there may be issues with you not being married and only having been together 18 months, but imho that's all the more reason for her to give her support.

However, people react differently.

How old are you and your partner? Does she also think you are too young?

JillD_2

I haven't read all the replies but wanted to reply myself to say my MIL is very similar. H and I were together for 4 years then got married and fell pregnant on honeymoon, So we weren't new at being together, we lived together and we were married when we got pregnant.
We are now expecting our 3rd child and her responses to date when told we are expecting have been:
Baby 1: "Oh what a surprise [sarcastically]. Well I didn't stop in to look after you [to hubs] when you were born so don't erxpect me to look after your baby"
Baby 2: "What's wrong with the one you've got"
Baby 3: "hm, your choice"

She is terrible with us during my pregnancies and not at all interested in them as babies but she has been better as they have got older. The 2 we have are now 4 and 2 1/2 and she loves them to bits, spoils them rotten, buys them sweets and toys and baby sits a fair amount for us.

She doesn't offer any practical help when I am pregnant or when the babies are small but I have come to accept that that is the way she is and just ignore it, With my first pregnancy I was very hurt though.

She has categorically said she will not look after 3 though and all she is worried about is how she will fit in the car with us when we go on days out, Answer: she won't (we have a 5 seater). If she's that bothered she can follow in her own car.

So really what I am trying to say is just let her get on with dealing whatever hang ups she has in her own way and hopefully either once the baby is born, or once it starts growing into an interesting little toddler she will come around and want to get a bit more involved.

Sorry she is being this way, like my MIL its a very selfish way to act.
Good luck with your preegnancy
Jill