mother in law - ignoring us since i became pregnant

Mr_Urdd

Is he a "Bit of a catch"? good job? good prospects? etc etc? I was just wondering if the MIL thinks that because you have had such a short time as boyfriend/girlfriend that you are trying to trap him?

quietheart

Well the woman is clearly jealous. Is it her first grandchild? That could be a factor (making her feel old!) But I'd say taking her baby and making him a man is probably the biggest problem.
I've got boys and (unfortunately) know I'll find it a struggle....
I'd try not to let it get to you. Pregnancy is massively life-changing for you as a couple but until bo-bo arrives it doesn't make much difference to parents. Wait until you produce your gorgeous child and she won't be able to stay away. Hopefully in a few years it'll be a dim and distant memory.
Stay happy, enjoy your pregnancy:j

daphne_descends

Mr_Urdd wrote: »

Is he a "Bit of a catch"? good job? good prospects? etc etc? I was just wondering if the MIL thinks that because you have had such a short time as boyfriend/girlfriend that you are trying to trap him?

I think he's trapping me

Yes, I'm probably trapping her precious son, how awful of me. I do wonder this - did she have some big plans for him that I don't know about?

But the reality is he's never had many girlfriends - painfully shy, bless him - or he was before he met me - he does okay job-wise but is on a bit of a soul searching mission in that department.

The length of time we've been together - I think that's a problem to her. His older brother has been with his partner for about five years. I can't help but wonder what she would be like if she (brothers gf) became pregnant.

claireandella

I would have hated daily calls from M-i-L(although I had the from the most unlikely of people and resorted to caller display on the phone in the end) but a call would have been nice. Still, I think everyone handles these things differently. Can't help wondering what would have happened if baby had been a boy though... I mentioned the other day that I'd like another one and she raised that again. I just smiled sweetly and said that I would like both my children treated exactly the same...

I did wonder if perhaps M-I-L was afraid to get too close in case I suddenly decided to up sticks and take the baby away (not that I would ever dream of it) because she's referred to us not being married a few times. There have been a few stories in the press recently about the lack of grandparents rights and women restricting access as a sort of unfair punishment. Also I wondered if she thought she would be pushed out by my mum, although nothing could be further from the truth. All I can advise is that maybe you could have a coffee with her on your own and show her your scan pictures and reassure her that she will be a big part of your babies life if she wants to be. If she doesn't then it's her loss but I'm sure it won't come to that

Scarlett1

fac73 wrote: »

The length of time we've been together - I think that's a problem to her. His older brother has been with his partner for about five years. I can't help but wonder what she would be like if she (brothers gf) became pregnant.

maybe its that then, your MIL was waiting for her eldest son to produce a grandchild first, although whether someone has been together 5 years or 18 months shouldnt make a difference

fac I would ask her outright as it will only bug you otherwise, approach the subject again and if she dismisses it then tell her you are getting the impression she isnt overjoyed about it and you would like to know why

daphne_descends

Oh dear Claire, what's the problem with boys? I'd wonder was her own that bad!

If this carries on - my next scan is in 5 weeks - if there's still no contact/mention of me/baby between now and then - then that sounds ideal. Just hard to orchestrate. I don't know if I could call her but I do have an email address, if that wouldn't be too weird.

I think I'm taking it personally because I only had one parent (the other was a bit 'token parent' IYKWIM). No contact with grandparents really - though for different reasons than these!

Carmina_Piranha_3

edited because i forgot the most important bit - congratulations!!!!

is the older brother's girlfriend trying to get pregnant?

my first thought was about the '12 week rule' where some people don't want to think about a baby until that magic date has passed. some people take that very seriously but i've always told people straight away. it's obvious to close family if you're being sick etc. and then if you tell your own parents first, and don't tell his that can cause upset, so i'm told.

i got a similar reaction from a couple of people when i got pregnant soon after giving birth (it wasn't planned, but that's no reason for people to be rude!). how old are the in-laws? my gran is in her 80s and she was very negative about my being pregnant so soon after having number 2. come to think of it she was pretty rude about my first pregnancy too, although she loves my son and my children are her 'favourites' :rolleyes:

she was over the moon about my second pregnancy because it wasn't what she considered bad timing :rotfl:

your OH knows them best, perhaps they will come round eventually - but it's horrible to say the timing's not right etc. when you're actually pregnant - how rude!!

Mr_Urdd

The other angle is a situation like this causes a power shift that women are very aware of, up until now I guess FAC73 has had to make an effort to get on with MIL for the sake of her BF and good relations, but thats all gone out the window now, FAC73 all of a sudden is holding all the cards, the MIL now is in a vulnerable position that means if her son relationship as an unmarried father breaks down then the MIL has to tread on eggshells to hopefully maintain contact with her grandchild, women of a certain type don't like being in that sort of situation IMO

conradmum

It's probably the fact that you aren't married, have been together for a relatively short time, are in rented property etc. etc. Quite a lot of the older generation, and a fair proportion of the younger one too, would say these are less than ideal conditions to be bringing a baby into the world. This is NOT my opinion, by the way!
When you're pregnant, especially for the first time, it's normal to expect everyone to share your joy. She obviously doesn't, and rather than being hypocritical and pretending an enthusiasm she doesn't feel, she's avoiding the subject and staying out of your way. She could tell you exactly what she thinks, but this would only be upsetting for everyone.
I'm sure with time she'll come around to the idea, especially when she sees you're a caring mother and she has a beautiful grandchild. I would cut her some slack and give her time.

Mrs_pbradley936

She might hate the idea of being a grandma! It might make her feel old and it is all your fault.