mother in law - ignoring us since i became pregnant

Scarlett1

pbradley936 wrote: »

She might hate the idea of being a grandma! It might make her feel old and it is all your fault.

:eek: thats ok she can be a 'nanna' instead

Carmina_Piranha_3

lol!

my nan became a gran at the age of 36 - she was horrified :rotfl:

because contraception and family planning are relatively new, although they seem to have always been there for people my age, some people seem to think women should take advantage of it until they are married and have a mortgage.

if you and your partner are both happy about the pregnancy then that's what's important. you will be a lovely family and very happy together i'm sure.

emma_b_4

congratulations on the pregnancy!!
maybe she is just suprised and isnt very good at hiding it, or being civil!! just leave her to it, im sure when the baby is born she will change her mind and coo like mad!
also, when u r pregnant you are really sensitive to things that might not usually have bothered you (talking from experience as a 21 week preg person who cries and sulks over the teeniest things that would never have bothered me before) so just try to rise above it and leave her to it. she will soon think why arent i being involved and start trying to muscle in.

also, it could be worse, she could be like my MIL and started buying things the minute you announced it and say "oh dont bother with that we've bought one, a navy one, we thought winnie the pooh would be nice so buy on that theme and theyll match"
im grateful but would be nice to choose my own things!

xx

Curious_George_2

if its any consolation to you im having sort of the same problem... but with my dad.
he was always a bit distant (except in the pub) with my exOH (dds dad) and didnt give me any idea he liked him until after we split up.

well im not sure how keen he is on my OH now, my dad is extremely predjudiced and might aswell turn into victor meldrew he is such an old grouch these days....and because my OH is a big lad a lot of people only see that... they dont care how lovely he is.
he was surprised when i told him we were going to a wedding fair and said "its not going that far is it?"
and more recently we went round to tell him i was pregnant and again he didnt even look away from the tv, he just said "oh my god" and rolled his eyes a bit... and that was it.
i text him after i had my scan and heard nothing from him, then yesterday i needed to text him to say my friend had something for him and he phoned me within 2 minutes....this really boiled my blood, so i said about his silence after the text and his answer was "i didnt think there was anything to reply too"

ohhhhhh really.... i went for a scan to find out if it was twins and that everything was alright and he couldnt even manage a "thats great, glad all is ok" text??

he asked how i was and i said i had been tired, he asked what i had done to be so tired, and apparently because other people have run marathons pregnant im not allowed a nap without milking it....

im SO annoyed with him... I disowned my nan years ago because she treated me differently to all the other grandchildren (ironically because she didnt like my dad) and i wasnt going to let her do it to MY children,
if he carries on i might just have to remind him of that....

sorry to take over your thread with my rant but this is a pretty sore subject in my house at the moment!

marleyboy

She probably has old habits of sex before marraige being wrong, or is just stunned by the fact that she is suddenly going to be a granny, Im sure once the baby is born and she sees it, she will look at the situation differently, be sure to introduce baby to her complimentary "Look heres Nana!"

ALIBOBSY

Firstly congrats to everyone on this thread who is "with bump". I am a bump lady myself, but my MIL has always been great. Hubby says I am alot like her and sadly its probably true lol. When we told her I was having the first baby she said "my baby is having a baby" (hubby is her youngest) and gave us both a hug. Quite often I speak to her in the week just for a chat. My problem is my mum. I know because of what she told my sister and myself when we were younger that she never had plans to be a mum ever let alone twice. She had bad post natal depression both times, but in those days it didn't get diagnosed. She once left me outside the shops and walked home completely forgetting me for 20 mins when I was a baby! She also had bad agrophobia and couldn't take crowds, and left me in asda with my baby sister and a trolley of shopping!
I think she can't understand my desire to have kids or how easy and fullfilling I find being a mum.
When I told her I was having number 3 she couldn't believe it. She told me she was "finished with you" and that "she had been subsidising us being able to get a bigger house" by looking after my dd and ds whilst I went back to work part time! I was so upset I didn't speak to her accept to drop the kids off for about 2 weeks. I also didn't get her a mothers day gift or card. I ended up talking to my dad about it. He said my mum was hurt that i didn't get her a card etc, so I told him how much she had hurt me and my hubby. Mum has been lovely ever since and apologised. Was is sad is I know she loves me, but I think she had different expectations for my life. I was predicted to get very high exam results and go to oxbridge, but decided it wasn't for me and dropped out. I am happy to have a large family and not so much of the tappings of money, big cars, big house etc. I sometimes think she is disappointed in her life and wanted so much for me and my sister. he is a great gran though and the vast majority of the time is lovely. When she moans about stuff now i tend to ignore her or if she upsets me tell her to her face.
I think the OP's MIL is just old fashioned and worried about them not being married, but I am sure a baby will change her attitude v quickly. Enjoy your pregnancy :rotfl:
ali x

Bennifred

conradmum wrote: »

It's probably the fact that you aren't married, have been together for a relatively short time, are in rented property etc. etc. Quite a lot of the older generation, and a fair proportion of the younger one too, would say these are less than ideal conditions to be bringing a baby into the world. This is NOT my opinion, by the way!
When you're pregnant, especially for the first time, it's normal to expect everyone to share your joy. She obviously doesn't, and rather than being hypocritical and pretending an enthusiasm she doesn't feel, she's avoiding the subject and staying out of your way. She could tell you exactly what she thinks, but this would only be upsetting for everyone.
I'm sure with time she'll come around to the idea, especially when she sees you're a caring mother and she has a beautiful grandchild. I would cut her some slack and give her time.

I think this expanation sounds the most likely - give her (more!) time to get used to the idea! I think you can afford to take the kinder view, as she is probably feels that her "position" in her son's affections is shifting away even more.

poe.tuesday

The only way you are going to find out her problem is to ask her, however, do you really want to know?

You are with your partner, not his mother, the only important thing is you and him and your relationship and your bump, you don't need to have any relationship with his mother if you don't want to and vice-versa, especailly if she is not accepting of the situation.

Your partner is the one who probably is more effected by her attitude but you should try not to let it effect you, she isn't really anything to do with you and if she wants to miss out on her grandchild then that's her choice and naturally, her loss.

I know it would be nice if she was accepting and positive but she isn't, just get on with your lives and let her get on with hers, let her be a grumpy old woman, if that's what she wants, and do you really want her around you when she won't accept you, your situation and probably your baby?

If this is the route you take then for your partners sake I would suggest that you don't go on about his mother and how horrible she is, he knows this but still he is between a rock and a hard place, let his relationship with his mother be what he pleases, just don't get involved, life is far to short for all this crap, and when your baby comes along you will truely understand unconditional love, shame your partners mother doesn't

good luck and congrats

taggiesgirl

HIYA,
I had a similar thing with my MIL, when my hubby told her i was pregnant (we'd only been together 1 year and not married) well she didnt like it one bit!, her face said it all!, the fact we wasnt married etc...(i already had a 3 year old and i believe part of her problem was the fact that she thought i wanted his money!! lol!!.
Anyway she waited until hubbys dad had congratulated us he was really happy for my hubby, and only after he said it was good news did she then say oh yes thats lovely!!.
Almost as if she had to check her hubby was happy was this before she could voice her opinion.

Anyway dont worry about her enjoy your pregnancy! leave her to it.
If shes going to be like that i say let her wollow and then im sure when your cute baba is here you wont be able to get rid of her!!!


good luck luv
x

Justie

I'm with Emma on this your hormones will make everything seem like a big deal!

I would say give her time - maybe use the email address to send her the scan pic when you have your next scan and see if anything happens then. But then wait and see until after the baby is born. There's no point pushing it now - she may be jealous, she may be terrified of being a granny, she may not approve because you're not married or who knows what but it doesn't sound as though she's the kind of person who will want to talk about it or to explain her emotions.

Try not to take it personally! Put all your attentions into you and your baby :grouphug: