Carer on the Edge

Pollycat

Hmm71 wrote: »

Thanks for clarifying that Pollycat, I'm not too clued up on the different kinds of care available.

So CHC is only payable if the care is provided by professionals, even if the client is still in their own home?

The bit I quoted (from someone who seems pretty clued up) said that they'd never heard of someone getting CHC when being looked after at home by an unqualified family member.

There's a massive thread on the fight to get CHC on the Over 50s board - it's actually a sticky.

I don't think the OP had ever mentioned CHC before.

Seems she has her hands full - she's a carer for her husband too (June 2012):

Samsaragirl wrote: »

..Nobody understands the pressure you are under caring for someone 24/7 365, my husband had a severe stroke at 49 yrs old, he was a S/E builder, the stroke left him very badly disabled mentally and physically, this was 5 yrs ago, he also has severe epilepsey, im his 24/7 carer..

This is not my position, but it is after the stroke my father had 6 years ago, and the fact that my mother will not accept outside help. They bith recieve AA.

It is ludicrous that this person should move out and receive full allowances for his crash pad.

In another thread she says her ex was a high earning IT consultant (Aug 2012):

Samsaragirl wrote: »

I just saw the way you were saying you had never claimed benefits, was just saying never say never, as I would have 6 years ago at the age of 41 after 20 years marriage.

We, as a couple, had paid a massive amount of tax- ex an IT banker (lol), and then parents get ill, you fall out of love..., as a result of family pressure you break up.

Very different to the flippant attitudes nowadays.. totally agree with that

Samsara
I think you do actually need help.

If you can say exactly what your situation is (instead of posting obviously contradicting information), I'm sure people wil be more inclined to offer help, support, advice and sympathy.

As things stand, if you don't want to do that, I doubt that you'll get any positive responses (people don't like to be 'played' on public fora) and maybe it's time for you to ask for this thread to be removed.

Samsaragirl

Pollycat wrote: »

The bit I quoted (from someone who seems pretty clued up) said that they'd never heard of someone getting CHC when being looked after at home by an unqualified family member.

There's a massive thread on the fight to get CHC on the Over 50s board - it's actually a sticky.

I don't think the OP had ever mentioned CHC before.

Seems she has her hands full - she's a carer for her husband too (June 2012):


In another thread she says her ex was a high earning IT consultant (Aug 2012):



Samsara
I think you do actually need help.

If you can say exactly what your situation is (instead of posting obviously contradicting information), I'm sure people wil be more inclined to offer help, support, advice and sympathy.

As things stand, if you don't want to do that, I doubt that you'll get any positive responses (people don't like to be 'played' on public fora) and maybe it's time for you to ask for this thread to be removed.

What information is contradicting, list then I will answe, I tell the truth, no reason to lie

Samsaragirl

Pollycat wrote: »

The bit I quoted (from someone who seems pretty clued up) said that they'd never heard of someone getting CHC when being looked after at home by an unqualified family member.

There's a massive thread on the fight to get CHC on the Over 50s board - it's actually a sticky.

I don't think the OP had ever mentioned CHC before.

Seems she has her hands full - she's a carer for her husband too (June 2012):


In another thread she says her ex was a high earning IT consultant (Aug 2012):



Samsara
I think you do actually need help.

If you can say exactly what your situation is (instead of posting obviously contradicting information), I'm sure people wil be more inclined to offer help, support, advice and sympathy.

As things stand, if you don't want to do that, I doubt that you'll get any positive responses (people don't like to be 'played' on public fora) and maybe it's time for you to ask for this thread to be rem

You nasty people are getting boring now, was posting about getting myself out and having a life again. The funding of dads care is irrelevant

SandraScarlett

When I read the first post, I was in tears. So much of what the OP said was similar to what I am going through, and I could immediately empathise.

In fact I felt guilty, because I am only caring for my husband, whereas she's caring for 2 elderly parents. How many times do I want to cut and run? I've lost count, probably a dozen times a day.

Then I looked at the name, and thought it sounded familiar.

Just had a massive triumph in getting the NHS to pay for Continuing Care

About time

So !!!! the lot of you dementors

Get a life!!!!!!

The half a million will be coming to me

already told mum about this forum and post and shes laughing at how easy to wind you all up. True though

Why would you want to wind people up when they are trying to help you and why are you saying that those very people who are trying to help you should get a life?

Don't you see, OP, that when things like that are posted, it makes others, like me, reluctant to give advice to anyone else in future, in case they get another response like yours.

xx

Pollycat

SandraScarlett wrote: »

Don't you see, OP, that when things like that are posted, it makes others, like me, reluctant to give advice to anyone else in future, in case they get another response like yours.

xx

And even worse, Sandra, threads such as those started by Samsaragirl might make people reluctant to post asking for advice for themselves.

As I posted earlier, she said back in June 2012 that she was caring for her husband but there has been no mention of him in her subsequent posts - just about her caring for her parents.

Critically, in her first post on this thread, she mentions her children and her divorce (from her high-earning IT consultant husband based on what she has posted on other threads), her Mother's health and her Father's health but absolutely nothing about the husband who was a self-employed builder who had a stroke 5 years ago that she was caring for on a 24/7 basis.

Samsaragirl wrote: »

..Nobody understands the pressure you are under caring for someone 24/7 365, my husband had a severe stroke at 49 yrs old, he was a S/E builder, the stroke left him very badly disabled mentally and physically, this was 5 yrs ago, he also has severe epilepsey, im his 24/7 carer..

This is not my position, but it is after the stroke my father had 6 years ago, and the fact that my mother will not accept outside help. They bith recieve AA.

It is ludicrous that this person should move out and receive full allowances for his crash pad.

And for that reason, I'm out.

I'd be more than happy to see this thread deleted as I do not believe the facts as presented by the OP, based on other posts by her.

FBaby

Samsaragirl wrote: »

My mother has put my Dad into a home as she does not like dark days in winter, but has lied to me as it is to be a long term thing rather than him coming out next week. I only know this on speaking to the care home manager.

I'm confused. If you are a carer and getting benefit as a carer to your dad, you are expected to look after him 35 hours a week. So how come your dad is in a home now and more importantly, how come you were not aware of the terms of his stay in the home? Surely as a full-time carer, not only you should know what is happening, but should actually be doing the caring??

Samsaragirl

Just an update for anyone in a similar position. I am 48, divorced, only child, and now see that I was suffering from massive depression as a result of carind and divorce.

Partly from the couple of posters who gave me good advice on here, and outside help, which I had to seek, I have been offered a place on a degree course in September, even though 30 odd years since I did my A levels, but, better than that, have been working full time for the last 2 weeks for a very large company, and have just progressed from training today. I now have the option to delay the degree etc...

Just saying to carers to believe that the support is there and caring CAN be put on your CV and I am with a large agency, so just go for it

And dad is being cared for now in a nursing home near to me, and yes, he does have nhs continuing care :T
Happy days

Samsaragirl

FBaby wrote: »

I'm confused. If you are a carer and getting benefit as a carer to your dad, you are expected to look after him 35 hours a week. So how come your dad is in a home now and more importantly, how come you were not aware of the terms of his stay in the home? Surely as a full-time carer, not only you should know what is happening, but should actually be doing the caring??

Am just looking back now, and confused where you are picking this up ftom?

HB58

I guess posts #1 and 5 might have given that idea!

[Deleted User]

Samsaragirl wrote: »

I have been caring for both parents, both on AA (Dad higher rate, Mum lower) since June 2006.

I have claimed CA since 2010 after realising I could. I also got divorced in 2009 after 23 years married, our kids are now 25 nad 19, so no longer dependents.

I also get SMI and IS as a carer.

I have become very mentally unwell due to this role, am having CBT and counselling each week, and have massive anxiety and depression issues.

It has come to a point that I cannot put my life on hold any longer, as my mother is mentally capable, but very frail, my father had a stroke in 2006 and vascular dementia (full blown dementia overnight), and mother refused all care from day 1 and just relied on me.

It's a very long winded and rocky story, but to cut it short, I'm at the point where I need to get back in to the world again for my own sanity, whilst I still have a little.

I need to call DWP and explain this, and I know my GP will want me to go on to ESA. This is going to be a massive drop but I have to do it. I want to get a job, I do not know how ESA works, but will I get support in doing this. I dread that they will make me get a job in care as my emotions are so fragile around elderly care this will be awful. I would love to work in a shop/supermarket, but only have call centre experience.

Problem also, I,m now 48, was married to a high earner so only worked as a kind of distraction, in call centres (includiong ambulance control), but that is over 12 years ago, as have put my life on hold. Didn't think of the consequences at the time.

My situation is a disaster, just wondered if anyone can offer support as cannot think clearly myself, feels like now or never, as I will sink further.

Single old woman who has been left on the shelf and feels invisible and batty not a good look!:rotfl:

Wow , rough road for 7 years!!! ... Balance is important as is some respite for you

Good you are now putting yourself first as if your health goes more and more downhill then you won't have the mental capacity to effectively care for your parents

You have to take care of yourself = vital if you are taking care of others

So it is time to step back a bit and have some time and life of your own

I often feel batty but very rarely now I glam myself up a bit and get out of the house and into normality and have a bit of fun

I have to make my mental health my priority and sorting out my own life as well as helping others xxx

( If none of the above advice is useful I'll just keep reading it back to myself coz I could use my own advice for myself now lol )