Frustrated parent

Own_My_Own

Where in country are you ?

When did she go back ?

Strange to have a parents evening the same week as the New Year.

My dd doesn't go back until Tuesday. No schools here are opening until at least tomorrow.

emsywoo123

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Where in country are you ?

When did she go back ?

Strange to have a parents evening the same week as the New Year.

My dd doesn't go back until Tuesday. No schools here are opening until at least tomorrow.

OP did mention he was in N Ireland......

Spendless

My kids schools were only closed on Thurs and Fri this week as they were inset days. The new school term started on Jan 3rd according to my council's website (I'm in England).

chiefpossession

Can I give a teacher's perspective here?

At this stage your daughter needs help in organising herself - not to be organised. We do often have problems with students who are micro-managed so much that they almost become unable to do anything independently (for example - Miss, I've come to the end of the page - and they then need me to tell them to turn over:eek:)

Homework helps students to work independently and think about what they have learned without the crutch of their class mates and teacher to reinforce what they are doing all the time. Really good students often need constant reassurance in class because they are used to being checked all the time. This causes real problems as they get older because they are unable to revise independently because someone else has always been responsible for their learning.

We try and get our students to use the 4Bs - Brain (their own knowledge), Book (classwork, internet), Buddy (contact their classmates - how have they approached a piece of work), Boss (go back to the teacher for help)

This is really hard (I am a parent too) - you need enough control to make sure that she does her homework to the best of her ability (and that means using resources to help when she is stuck) and yet not being the one who is responsible for her doing her homework (or, heaven forbid, doing it for her).

Be interested; be disappointed if homework looks rushed; look at the comments her teachers make about homework (or class work in general) and discuss them with her; negotiate her best time to do homework (I need some time to unwind before I tackle my own); and reward improvement.

thunderbird

To me, what you describe sounds completely normal (except the shouting parent bit). I was like that, so were my brothers and now my DS (and friends' teenage kids)

I don't see anything wrong with doing homework at 7pm. But maybe that's just me!

CH27

james67 wrote: »

I was the same as a child. I always looked to get whatever it was done as quickly as possible or to do the minimum needed. I can see this in her and it frustrates me becasue I cant seem to help her to take greater care/pride in her work.

On one hand I know she is still young. Equally I know its not the bee all and end all that its important that she is happy, balanced has good self esteem etc. But as parents we all want what is best for our kids and I guess that is some of it along with guilt on my part that maybe we are not doing what we can/should to help her to learn.

All of the tips above are right, and I know them myself it is just a matter of developing consistency all around. I have talked that often about consequences and seldom see them through and I think this clearly doesnt help. I have said so many times no ipads, internet, tv before 6.30pm-7pm so there is not the same urgency to rush through it and this lasts a day or two and all goes back to normal. Time to be more consistent and teach better habits and to try and stop yelling when it doesnt go to plan.

thanks for all the kind words and suggestions.

Seeing traits in your children that you dislike in yourself is so hard
You want to change them but know you can't.

Flugelhorn

maybe she finds the pressure you put on her to achieve too much? - perhaps it was not a case of her not getting the grades to get into the school she wanted but the school you wanted. Not everyone can get in and succeed academically just by doing more work and applying themselves.

I have had 2 kids go through the selective secondary system in england and from the moment they started, I never got involved with homework, I didn't know what they were doing or when - they just got on with it.

As you have already started helping her then I suggest a regime at weekends of "no fun until it is done" ..

tyllwyd

james67 wrote: »

... Anyway tonight we came home from the cinema at 7pm (sunday), my daughter had a friend stay over for a sleepover last night getting to sleep at 4am having lazed around most of Saturday and friday evening. ...

I can recognise a lot of the things you say in my 13 year old DD. To be honest, I don't think that losing your temper and shouting is necessarily a bad thing - my DD has a wonderful ability to let things wash over her, so as long as you are not doing it all the time, perhaps shocking your DD into realising that she has pushed things too far might wake her up a bit.

The bit that jumped out at me was the sleepover - you know that sleepovers with teenagers ususally involve very little sleep, so there wasn't going to be much homework done the next day. If it had been in my house, there would have been a lot of muttering on Friday and Saturday morning about homework, and had it been done, maybe even that she needed to show me that it had been done before she was allowed to have a sleepover.

LannieDuck

It's probably not a bad thing to have snapped once. It will perhaps show her how important it is to you.

When my daughter gets to that age, I think we'll make sure there's a set evening routine - 30 mins (or whatever) homework after she comes in from school, and then free time until dinner.

In the same way that she really seems to thrive on her routine now (she's 15mo), I would hope that by setting a consistent homework time, it would make it easier for her to manage her work, and also let her enjoy the rest of her evenings without having homework hanging over her.

...but I'm speaking as a parent who's a long way away from actually doing it. I'm sure it's easier said than done

thehappybutterfly

James, you could be me! My daughter is 15 and just doesn't apply herself and it's been an ongoing battle since she started high school. I finally accepted last year that she's not academic (she's far from thick) but she's happier in hands-on practical subjects like art and cooking. A lot of kids just don't do well at school - it's not until they've left and have gone into college/work that they really grow and develop. I hated school (I was bullied right the way through) and did the minimum possible, left at 16 and have worked ever since. I'm now 43 and in a reasonably well paid job considering I only left with 5 O Grades.

The fact that my daughter goes to school every day, has lots of friends there and isn't bullied/bullying makes me a happy mum.