Frustrated parent

Mojisola

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I used to do the same. I work to deadlines you see. Still managed to get all sorts of quals, degree, post grad diplomas, been management, director etc etc.

But james67's daughter's grades are slipping all the time so perhaps her situation is different.

I'd have been annoyed enough if she said at 7pm "I've still got to do my homework" but asking for help to do it was putting others under pressure to make sure the work was done.

Sambucus_Nigra

Mojisola wrote: »

But james67's daughter's grades are slipping all the time so perhaps her situation is different.

I'd have been annoyed enough if she said at 7pm "I've still got to do my homework" but asking for help to do it was putting others under pressure to make sure the work was done.

So did mine.

Did you notice the bit where I said about asking his daughter when homework was due and putting it up for all to see?

Mojisola

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Did you notice the bit where I said about asking his daughter when homework was due and putting it up for all to see?

Yes, good advice.

I was just pointing out that not all people who leave things til the last minute are going to be as successful as you. Some will just drift through life, doing the absolute minimum acceptable and not achieving what they are capable of.

Sambucus_Nigra

Mojisola wrote: »

Yes, good advice.

I was just pointing out that not all people who leave things til the last minute are going to be as successful as you. Some will just drift through life, doing the absolute minimum acceptable and not achieving what they are capable of.

And conversely my point was not all people who leave it til the last minute are failures. They often get just the right amount done just in time. :D

Mojisola

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

And conversely my point was not all people who leave it til the last minute are failures. They often get just the right amount done just in time. :D

james67 wrote: »

We attended her parents night this week and consistently heard from every teacher that whilst she was doing ok she could do better. A similar story which we have heard year after year. She ended up not getting into the school she wanted because her marks from primary school were not good enough (we still have a transfer system in n ireland). She did get into her second school and was in the 2nd of 5 streamed class but is now in danger of slipping down.

Yes, I know but james' daughter obviously isn't like you.

james67

I was the same as a child. I always looked to get whatever it was done as quickly as possible or to do the minimum needed. I can see this in her and it frustrates me becasue I cant seem to help her to take greater care/pride in her work.

On one hand I know she is still young. Equally I know its not the bee all and end all that its important that she is happy, balanced has good self esteem etc. But as parents we all want what is best for our kids and I guess that is some of it along with guilt on my part that maybe we are not doing what we can/should to help her to learn.

All of the tips above are right, and I know them myself it is just a matter of developing consistency all around. I have talked that often about consequences and seldom see them through and I think this clearly doesnt help. I have said so many times no ipads, internet, tv before 6.30pm-7pm so there is not the same urgency to rush through it and this lasts a day or two and all goes back to normal. Time to be more consistent and teach better habits and to try and stop yelling when it doesnt go to plan.

thanks for all the kind words and suggestions.

Spendless

I have a 12yo boy very similar, so don't think you are on your own with it! After a squabble tonight about which week he is on from tomorrow (school operates a 2 week timetable) his timetable has been copied into a spreadsheet which has been laminated and is now stuck to the wall next to my family organiser calendar. We will shortly be setting up some sort of system for homework, because though he does have a planner I need to sign, his handwriting I can't read to tell what he's put.

emsywoo123

james67 wrote: »

We attended her parents night this week and consistently heard from every teacher that whilst she was doing ok she could do better. A similar story which we have heard year after year.

We had a chat on tuesday night about the need for her to dedicate herself to her homework. She always looks to get homework done as quick as she can

Am i alone, do others have similar challenges with their children or frustrations about how they manage it?

Sorry for the rant.

I didn't realise I'd set up an AE.

Oh, I haven't? But this sounds EXACTLY like me :rotfl:

DD is 9 though. But ugh. Yes. This!

poet123

I think that sometimes as a parent you have to accept their personality traits and work with that trait rather than kick against it.

I have four sons and they are all very different, and so one way of working or looking at things would simply not have worked. The ones who always left everything to the last minute and then worked through the night to meet assignment deadlines did as well as the one who was meticulous with homework and was always in advance. They still behave that way now, and it still works for them. One is a teacher the other two are lawyers.

What we did was set out our expectations in line with what the school said was reasonable for them. If they didn't achieve we set firmer boundaries re schoolwork and play. By and large they realised it was much easier to get the work done first and then play, but we did allow them leeway with how they prioritised their time, unless it was obvious there was a problem.

Twelve is a critical age and an age you can turn them off study by being too forceful. It is a case of feeling your way and finding the middle ground that you can both be comfortable with. Try not to worry too much, most children achieve their potential if they have the support and aptitude to do so.

Sambucus_Nigra

Mojisola wrote: »

Yes, I know but james' daughter obviously isn't like you.

How on earth have you made that connection? I never said she was.

I'm saying don't panic, manage the situation.