Girlfriend feels threatened by my friend?

CheeseCat

It would probably cause less drama if you want to still be friends with the ex (without having her comment on everything) to just set up your FB privacy settings so she doesn't see your posts etc. She just thinks you've gone quiet, and you don't have her posting all over your page

suburbanwifey

If I was your GF I would wonder why an ex GF was even on your FB let alone posting such *obvious* comments - obvious to all women what she is doing. Women can be mighty devious and secretly spiteful, my view is that your ex is trying to cause trouble and you are letting her by allowing her to be on your FB in the first place and also allowing her to post comments in response to your comments. Why do you care how she responds and thinks about your life? if you don't care, then why is she even on your FB? you can solve this problem very quickly and nip it in the bud before you lose your current GF (which I assume you don't want to do) you can simply delete your ex from FB. You owe her no explanation, you owe her no sympathy, you owe it to yourself and your GF to remove a toxic ex who is trying to and succeeding coming between you. Your current GF has carefully voiced her concerns and unhappiness, if you ignore that I fear you will ignore it at your peril.

FB ex's are toxic, get rid.

burnoutbabe

blimey, one can date someone briefly, realise you are best off as friends and stay as friends. I have plenty of ex boyfriends on FB as friends.

So I;d just have a quiet word with the ex and say her comments are upsetting the girlfriend so can she tone then down. Now either she is unaware of that and thinks she is being nice and so will stop. Or she wants you back/trying to wind new girlfriend up and will keep at it, in which case you can delete her.

But give her a chance first. Just deleting ex's as current partner doesn't like it is just weak. If you are friends with someone, then you are friends.

Or get current girlfriend to write on the same posts "yes, I am very lucky thanks" - I'd probably do that to show the ex her posts are having no bad affect on your relationship, just in case she is trying to mark her territory.

Person_one

Have you had other relationships between the ex and your current girlfriend?

Everybody's human, and maybe the ex is just having an unexpectedly strong reaction to seeing you fall in love with someone else. I never stay friends with my exes and that's part of the reason, I think it would be really tough to watch them in new and happier relationships.

However, some people are able to stay friends with exes and have really valued and lasting friendships that are important to them, so I wouldn't be too quick to throw it away if you don't want to.

You need to make sure you communicate well to your girlfriend and help her to know that she has nothing to worry about from you and your feelings. Then talk separately to the ex but don't tell her that its your girlfriend who is bothered, tell her its you.

Do you spend time with your ex in real life? Have her and your new girlfriend met? Maybe if you got together in a big group of mutual friends they might even get on and tensions would relax on both sides.

Lilith1980

I had a (sort of) similar experience with my DH who I have been with for 3 years now. He was with his ex for about 6 weeks before breaking up with her, as he realised it had been a mistake. She was very emotionally needy and I think he was the first man who had treated her with respect (she'd experienced domestic abuse).

So when we got together, which wasn't long after they had split, she was still in touch with him. She would text and ask how he was, she would phone him every few weeks to update him on her life (which was usually lurching from one disaster to another).

When she found out that we were together she invited BOTH of us to her daughter's communion. She had also said at other times that it would be nice to meet me.

I don't think my DH saw the weirdness of it all until I pointed out "Why would I want to meet your ex? Surely that is more torturous for her seeing as she seems really cut-up about your split?".

Her phone calls and texts did p1ss me off but I wasn't jealous because I knew he wasn't going to get back with her. I was more of the opinion of "Get a life and move on", although I know that was a harsh opinion on my part if you're the one who didn't want the relationship to end. It just got a bit tedious.

When my DH text her back to say that attending the communion might be a bit awkward she didn't reply, and hasn't been in touch since.

I think your ex might be trying to stir things, but equally I think that part of the issue is your GF's self-esteem/confidence in the relationship. I am guessing you haven't been with her long so that might be why she feels insecure. I say this because, if I had felt insecure and jealous about my DH's ex contacting him then that would have no doubt caused major issues with us, but I just let her get on with it and it died a death eventually.

However, it might be worth not replying to your ex or contacting her as your contact might be fuelling her motivation to keep in touch with you.

Hope that helps.

Skintski

If your ex is now actually a mate she'll have no issue winding things down a bit to benefit you. Just have a little chat with her, stay friends if you want to and then no harm done.

Person_one

Lilith1980 wrote: »

So when we got together, which wasn't long after they had split, she was still in touch with him. She would text and ask how he was, she would phone him every few weeks to update him on her life (which was usually lurching from one disaster to another).

When she found out that we were together she invited BOTH of us to her daughter's communion. She had also said at other times that it would be nice to meet me.

I don't think my DH saw the weirdness of it all until I pointed out "Why would I want to meet your ex? Surely that is more torturous for her seeing as she seems really cut-up about your split?".

Sorry, but I don't really see the weirdness either. I think it was a really nice gesture for the ex to reach out to you as a couple and want to meet you. What's odd about wanting to stay friends with someone who was nice to you?

My last ex was still friends with a couple of his exes so I socialised with them too and even went to the wedding of one, to be honest they were nicer than him for the most part!

mummyroysof3

my advice would be to not encorage her to post and see if it dies down...if she comments on a post with something ott then dont reply to her or get into conversation. she may get the hint but more likely she will get bored and stop i expect. if things continue or get worse then block her if you not bothered about her as a friend or have a word with her if you want to try and keep friendship.

WillowCat

Keep your ex as a friend, but put her on the restricted list? That means she will only see posts you make public, not those that friends see, but she won't know you've done that.

Lilith1980

Person_one wrote: »

Sorry, but I don't really see the weirdness either. I think it was a really nice gesture for the ex to reach out to you as a couple and want to meet you. What's odd about wanting to stay friends with someone who was nice to you?

Well no, you probably wouldn't see the weirdness because you weren't in my situation and don't know the ex concerned, who was quite emotionally unstable. My DH didn't like her contacting him either, it wasn't just me. But if your experience has been different then that's great, it just wasn't like that for us.