Think I'm about to start a massive row in my family

Faith177

Hi all

Well basic story is back in 2010 I lent my brother & his gf £770 out of my wedding money on the agreement they would pay it back Jan 2011. It was part of the deposit for their flat they were just about to move in to. They asked my mum to sound me out to see if I would maybe lend them a couple of hundred I said that's ok. My brother then told me the amount they really needed as I had already said yes I felt I couldn't decline now.

Well as you can probably guess 2011 came & went and no money but they had, had a rough year so thought I wouldn't bother them with it.

Any way I'm now 4 months away from my wedding and STILL no money. I'm seriously !!!!ed off now I want my money they are constantly buying stuff and going here there and everywhere while I'm working myself into the ground and they haven't given me a penny!

I asked my brother about the money on Nov asking if he could give me anything he got straight on the phone to my mum. My mum explained I wasn't after the full amount just something. He said ok ill ring her I heard nothing.

I took the bull by the horns and text'd him today and said I need the money. He's at work so I have to wait for the reply.

The big problem is going to be his gf he is a drama queen and know she is going to drag my mum into all this which isn't fair.

Any ideas on how to get her & him to keep my mum out of it?

mountainofdebt

tbh your mum is involved already as she was sounded out to see if you'd agree.

In addition to that she can act as the voice of reason (not that there's a need but.....)

RedBern

I'd pre-empt it, contact your mum and say, " I've contacted x because, if you remember I lent him some money almost two years ago and I've not had anything back yet. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for it back now, do you?"

And just remind your brother that it was a loan, not a gift.

balletshoes

Wait to see if you get a reply from your brother today. If you don't, call him and explain that the money you gave him was a loan, it came out of your wedding budget, you expected the money back at least a year ago, and now you're having to start paying for things for your wedding, and you need the money back, now. Theres no "can I have my money back please" there, its a statement of fact.

Yes, your mum is already involved, and I'll be honest - you really shouldn't lend to anyone if you can't afford to do without the money (because you may have to write this off).

go_cat

Have you Considered what you will do if

A) your brother refuses to give the money back or
simply hadn't got the money to pay you back.

If this was for their house deposit were you mentioned anywhere in the legal side as gifting the deposit?

Faith177

I can just about afford to write off if I cut back over the coming weeks but because of the length of time involved and how they have been I am loathed to do it.

Thing is my brother is very good at making my mum feel sorry for him and they will both wear her down until she sides with them. My mum always tries to keep everyone happy bless her often at expense to herself

Gocat it was their first months rent for their flat they don't own their own place yet. They knew it was a loan as they mentioned several times again to my mum that try needed to pay it back

marisco_2

Faith177 wrote: »

They asked my mum to sound me out to see if I would maybe lend them a couple of hundred I said that's ok. My brother then told me the amount they really needed as I had already said yes I felt I couldn't decline now.

they are constantly buying stuff and going here there and everywhere while I'm working myself into the ground and they haven't given me a penny!

It was sneaky of your brother to say he needed to borrow a small amount and then once he had got your initial agreement to more than triple it. That put you in a very difficult position. Personally I would have said no at that point and just explained that I could not afford to lend (or lose as seems to be the case now) that amount of money.

When you lent him this cash did you agree that it would be paid back in one hit, or that he would pay you regular amounts by direct debit into your bank?

The fact that they seem able to fund a good lifestyle for themselves suggests they are capable of repaying you your money but are choosing not to. This is really selfish and unacceptable behaviour.

I would be proactive right now and phone your mum. Keep any emotion out of it and just say that you are still waiting for your brother to repay the money lent. That you are addressing it with him now and if he calls her and tries to involve her ask her to say it is between you and him. If one of my children were behaving as your bother is, I would tell them straight what I thought of an abuse of such kindness shown to them. I would advise them to keep me out of it but make sure they felt my dissaproval.

If your brother has no intent on paying the money back there is very little you can do about it and I think, going by how you have described him, you need to prepare yourself for this. To pursue him for the money would cost more than that which you lent him. Something he was probably well aware of when he took it from you.

mountainofdebt

What does your OH think of the situation?

londonsurrey

Tell him that he's a grown man, and to man up and pay up the money, not go running to mummy whining.

zzzLazyDaisy

This doesn't help you OP, but this issue crops up so often that it is worth pointing out that the best thing is never to lend money unless you are prepared to write it off; and if you do lend money, to put the agreement in writing before lending the money.

It doesn't have to be a fancy document drawn up by a solicitor. A simple letter saying something like

...............................................................................................
Dear Joe Bloggs

This letter is just to confirm our conversation. You have asked me to lend you £500 [from my wedding fund/house deposit/savings/whatever] You agreed that you will pay this money back by [date] at the latest (OR in monthly installments of [£x] starting on [date and ending on [date] ). We have also agreed that any change to this agreement must be made in writing and signed by both of us.

Please sign and return the enclosed copy of this letter to me, to confirm that we are both in agreement about this.

Yours

Jane Doe

Signed ..................... (Joe Bloggs)
Dated ....................

...............................................................................................

Before anyone says that friends or family shouldn't need a written agreement, unfortunately these are the most usual cases of difficulty in getting money back. My cousin and I had a similar written agreement when I loaned her some money and she was happy to sign it, as it simply records what the agreement is.

Faith177

I didn't say I wanted money back in one lump I said to pay it back how they wanted and they were ok with that and even said thanks

I think most of it is coming from the gf as she is always playing keep up with her mother & sister (that could fill a thread in its self lol).

I have just spoken to my mum as she knew I was still waiting and she said she is fed up of the pair of them too. Turns out they have borrowed a shed load off her too over the years for one thing another in particular the gf. She is going to point this out to them both if they try and get her involved.

Just feel so annoyed