dont feel anything for him now

mummy2lj

I know, I know deep down it wouldbe easier on my own and id be happier but im scared to say anything to him because last time I did he pretty much trashed the house around me and called me spineless

Tamsin_Temrin

mummy2lj wrote: »

I know, I know deep down it wouldbe easier on my own and id be happier but im scared to say anything to him because last time I did he pretty much trashed the house around me and called me spineless

That comes under the definition of domestic abuse. It is smashing things to make you scared in case he turns that destruction on you. It would be okay to at least check in to Women's Aid, just to get a sense of where you are.

If he seriously starts smashing stuff up then you could call the police. Hate the thought of a two year old suffering because his dad wont protect him.

jaqui59

Your are only 21, and thankfully only had 4 and not 14 or 24 years
with this poor excuse for a man.

LannieDuck

You're 21. If you can, I would advise starting again.

If you can't, then stop having a relationship with him - no couple stuff, no sex, just become housemates. Do you have two bedrooms? Stop sharing money and go to the CAB for child support (although not sure how it works if you're both living at the same address). Stop sharing cooking etc. (All of this is assuming you don't fear violence of any sort...)

Make it clear that the two of you have broken up, but it's your home and you're staying. Go out and start dating. Once you've brought a new 'friend' back home, he might decide he doesn't want to live there anymore afterall.

Errata

Please talk to the DV people, or Womens Aid. They'll help you think things through and you may see a clearer picture of what you should be doing to give your children the happy home they're entitled to.
If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your children.

trolleyrun

Your fella sounds like a complete donut (and that's me being polite!). As others have said, contact WA so they can help you get rid of him. Other than that, I have no advice but would like to wish you the best of luck. Don't forget - you deserve better and you deserve to be treated like a princess. Go for it!

tenke

I think you need to stand your ground and not move, more if there are young children involved..:eek:

I think if you let him see the hypothetical view of you leaving, with him taking ALL the household and ALL the children's chores, he would maybe decide to run a mile !!:eek::D:D thus leaving you in peace there..;)

Now seriously, the only way forward is to chat and reach a mature agreement so that it is smoothly for both parts and the children as well !;):T

mummy2lj

LannieDuck wrote: »

You're 21. If you can, I would advise starting again.

If you can't, then stop having a relationship with him - no couple stuff, no sex, just become housemates. Do you have two bedrooms? Stop sharing money and go to the CAB for child support (although not sure how it works if you're both living at the same address). Stop sharing cooking etc. (All of this is assuming you don't fear violence of any sort...)

Make it clear that the two of you have broken up, but it's your home and you're staying. Go out and start dating. Once you've brought a new 'friend' back home, he might decide he doesn't want to live there anymore afterall.

Iv actually thought of doing that. I pretty much avoid him anyway as if I cook for him or do his washing its wrong and he sits there eating like its dirt. I need to try to talk to him tonight. But he then acts so nice and talks about watching a film together or he trys to cuddle up to me like its all fine again. We have two bedrooms but my 2 year old wont have one of us in with him or he'll think its playtime and wont sleep.
I know I need to make things better for me and the kids.

mummy2lj

That wouldnt go down well tenke, Iv tried and he acts like a child having his toy taken away. If I want out I go alone and leave the kids. He thinks it would be so easy wth the but he has no idea. If I go out and leave them with him he lets the oldest do whatever and make a mess and I have to sort it when I get back. Im alot more mature then him and im 10 years younger! He cant think like a grown man he just wants things his way

londonsurrey

You fell for him when you were too young to know better.

It sounds like you've grown up, but he's continued to be a complete t**t with the mentality of a teenager.

I know someone who was in your situation three years ago. She met him as a teenager (about the same age difference), had three children with him, grew up, realised what an idiot he was, and left. She made him buy her out.

He now moans when he has the children, expecting sympathy from his work colleagues.

She on the other hand, is now happily training to be a police officer and has a brand new life.