dont feel anything for him now

mummy2lj

I found out my partner of 4 years and dad to my 2 boys had signed up to dating website, input his data (said he was in a relationship and looking for sex) and hed signed into the account days after I had our second son on 30th october. Even when I was in labour he was moaning and complaining hed lost £80 for coming home from work, and hed have no money this month and Id have to ehlp him out (all whilst having contractions with no gas and air) then when he was born OH moaned he wanted to go home and if the midwife didnt come back soon he was leaving and going home :mad: )
Last night the older woke up with teething pain at midnight and I had to get up as OH was "sleeping" funny sleeping when he woke up asked why son was crying and rolled over! He is there for fun with the kids but not the proper parenting things. He has a 10 yr old son who behaves so badly and our 2 year old is picking up on it (trying to swear and copying him when he bes naughty) OH does nothing about any of it. Iv got no say in his sons behaviour so just have to sit and watch it all and listen to son cry when OHs son hurts him.
Any way back to the point... I took him up on his dating sites and he said he was just trying to cancel his account and he didnt look at anything.Hed sent 2 messages to girls near where we live and denied it, said they were sent out by the website not him, which i dont believe.
Hes also got a friend who hes is very friendly with (he even has 3 different numbers for her (not sure why she needs 3 different numbers) that he contacts her on and he deletes every message from her) Iv seen ones saying, hun we need to talk and lots of kisses, which made me suspitious. The reason I saw them was I was looking for my mums new mobile number as I hadnt written it down and id text her of his phone last and saw it in his sent messages.
I dont trust him now and whenever he tries to get cuddly I just think of him looking at all the girls online and also all the !!!!!! he gets. He lies about it which is the worst thing, I admit it if I look. When I confroted him and said I didnt want to be with him anymore he said I couldnt leave with the kids (well the oldest) and he was staying here and I had to go. Iv bought everything for the house with no help from him, I was the one who bidded and got the place (its a council owned property) I struggle to pay ouncil tax and bill money to him (I stay at home and only get tax credits and child benefit) I buy all the food for us, I get kids stuff with no offer of him buying it. I ont really want to stay with him as whenI think of being with him for another 20 years I know Id regret not finding someone who treats me better. He doesnt cuddle or kiss anymore, wont hold hands, doesnt really want to do anything together (will only go to dinner if I pay)
I dont want to leave the house as I have no where to go, no family nearby, most of the house things were brough by me, and this is me and the kids home. He could stay on his mums sofa if he had too.
Not sure what im wanting to get from this post but just need advice. Im only 21 , hes 32, and I dont want to spend my life wishing id found someone better who actually showed me he cared. Does the guy im with now sound good enough really?

Tiglath

No he sounds like a complete git.

mummy2lj

thats actually nice to hear after how hes been. Just dont know what to do as he said I cant go anywher with the kids and hes not leaving either

delain

Nope. Speak to women's aid and SS. Do not move out, what sort of idiot leaves his children homeless? The agencies I mentioned can advise you on keeping your tenancy.

Does your stepson live with you full time? X

Tiglath

Whose name is the council flat in? I presume his 10 year old doesn't live with you?

*Louise*

No, he doesn't sound good enough, he sounds like a complete creep.

I'm sure there are people on here who can help wth the legality of you staying in the property with the children.

Does the 10 year old live with you permanently?

mummy2lj

no he doesnt live here full time every other weekend and 1-2 days a week ebcause of OHs work. Its a joint tenancy. In a way id like a new start away from all this.

mummy2lj

delain wrote: »

Nope. Speak to women's aid and SS. Do not move out, what sort of idiot leaves his children homeless? The agencies I mentioned can advise you on keeping your tenancy.

Does your stepson live with you full time? X

I dont even know if it is enough to talk to womens aid. I always think thats for actual violence not just for whats going on here. But I guess its bad enough

fannyanna

From what you have said he sounds AWFUL!

delain

See if you can get a free half hour with a solicitor, they can tell you where you stand legally and how to apply for a residency order (the fact that you're a SAHM and get child benefit helps you here)

What hes doing is emotional abuse (threatening to take away the kids) and yes you should talk to them!

Jinx

Sounds like hes a real catch! It is sooooo much easier on your own (once you get settled) than living with someone like that.