Journey to the Emerald City...

LionessInWinter

Wow...your post, #29 on this thread rings so true for me too.

grannyx2

Thank you for your inspiring posts. The ones about seeking approval and being a perfectionist in particular could be me. I have terrible middle child syndrome and your writing has made me realise this is down to me to change and no one else.

I'm glad you rescued yourself from your recent gambling episode. Have you thought about self excluding yourself from the sites

I wish you every success in your journey and hope you continue to write regularly as I love your writing style

Granny x

kerri_dfw

Thank you for your post, it's great reading

Have you thought about putting a child lok type thing on your browser to exclude gambling sites? Or deregister? Although, from the sounds of it you use it as a method to stop you being bored...maybe you could start a hobby? You've said you are good at drawing, have you considered making cards? Or maybe look into zentangles/zendoodles, or ACEOs. A hobby might be just the distraction you need

karmachilovething

Great writing. Heard this on the radio this morning (from memory, so might be a little off!) from his Oscar acceptance speech:
"How you fail doesn't matter, because in life that's going to happen. It's picking yourself up again that's important"
Ben Afleck

abundant1972

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions everyone!!! They are really appreciated!

I think I've had a bit of a breakthrough with the whole gambling thing... I found my way on to several sites which explored the mathematics of it all... I am a bit of a contradiction... I believe in fate and karma - but am also a very rational and logical person.

I've now read several articles on apparent 'sure-win' gambling methods and have had them broken down into mathematical formula and 'exposed' for what they are: the odds of winning vs the odds of losing - and how sites often prey on people's misconceptions. It feel like someone has removed the glamor that was enticing me and I've seen behind it the truth...

The image that sprung to mind was funnily enough the part in the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy and her gang stumble on a field of red poppies... after just having left the forest - full of fears and imagined terrors - the sight of a beautiful field of red flowers with the Emerald City just in view is enticing. The Wicked Witch of the West uses this to lure her into a trap...

"Something with poison in it I think... with poison in it... but attractive to the eye - and soothing to the smell... Poppies... Poppies... Poppies will put them to sleep"...

How like gambling is this??? Visually at least - and in an auditory way. You stumble into that World - drawn in - losing all sense of time and place... focused only on the mirage of winning... Much like Dorothy and her friends falling into an enchanted slumber - so one gambling falls under its spell... Interestingly - the ones that fall asleep are Dorothy and the Lion (and Toto!!!)...who to me represent hope and courage - and the ones that stay awake are the characters who represent rational thought and the heart (intuition perhaps?)... but without each other they cannot all move forward and escape. It is outside help that saves them (divine inspiration?) in the form of Glinda - the equal but opposing force of the Wicked Witch... only her magic can break the spell.To me - it follows - that if the Wicked Witch represents our own inner most temptations (you could say she represents the devil that sits on one shoulder), then Glinda represents for me - that wise divine spark within us (or the angel on the other shoulder) who can counteract her spell...

How I feel about the sites has changed. The glamor has gone - and I see and believe they are there to take our money. Yes - there is an element of 'fun' but there is a siren song in there also. I played £10 on the site I have restricted my deposits on and the charge had gone... the rush... to be replaced by a feeling of... hmmm... a feeling like - when I found out Santa wasn't for real. A disappointment... Even though I might still get a gift - knowing it wasn't anything as glamorous as good fortune shining on me... but simply maths dictating my wins and losses - well... it took away the sparkle. Part of me feels sad - but also that this was a necessary discovery in my journey So I'm £30 ahead and I'm quitting whilst I'm on top and having the last laugh!!!...

My true goal seems but a few steps away - The Emerald City lies just ahead!!!

his_missus

abundant1972 wrote: »

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions everyone!!! They are really appreciated!

I think I've had a bit of a breakthrough with the whole gambling thing... I found my way on to several sites which explored the mathematics of it all... I am a bit of a contradiction... I believe in fate and karma - but am also a very rational and logical person.

I've now read several articles on apparent 'sure-win' gambling methods and have had them broken down into mathematical formula and 'exposed' for what they are: the odds of winning vs the odds of losing - and how sites often prey on people's misconceptions. It feel like someone has removed the glamor that was enticing me and I've seen behind it the truth...

Abundant, I work for a company who create online games (not for the UK) where people pay to play in the hope they'll win money. Of course there is a fair chance they'll win (it would be illegal otherwise) and the chance of winning big money is obviously smaller than the chance of winning a few quid or even losing. These sites main aim though is to make money and for every person who wins 500, there will be a handful who win a smaller prize and far more who win nothing. There is a set amount of winning and losing games.

You seem to realise that whilst gambling seems an easy way to earn money for every guy who wins big as a "professional gambler" there are hundreds getting themselves into debt because of it.

I think you need to find a different focus for when you get the urge to gamble.

Also, I've recently been given more responsibility at work and the workload/overtime means I've not had time to look at my life and finances and money matters have gone a bit off the rails this month (ok, completely off the rails) Allow yourself some time to "regroup" yourself and you'll get there.

Most of all, be proud that you're working hard to earn the money you need to become debt free and focus on how you'll feel the day you owe nothing to anyone x

abundant1972

Thanks his missus...

Great advice - and helpful to hear that from someone in the know. If they were a sure way to make money I guess we'd all be in there rather than at work hehe...

I've decided to try out some software as advised by a few people on here that will totally block *all* of these sites on my computer. I'd heard bad reports about 'Gamblock' (it blocking random stuff and switching peoples computers off, and having poor customer service), so I have gone with 'Betfilter'. These are the two that the main gambling self-help sites suggest. Hey presto - it works. It's all well and good when I'm in a good frame of mind - but I know myself well enough to realise that if my mood takes a nose dive I may not be so objective.

Thanks again for your comments! Much appreciated!!!

Determined_diva

Helloooooo!!!! Where are you abundant??!!
DDx

abundant1972

Well it has been an age since I last wrote... Lots has happened in that time...

2014 was a year of hard work... I settled into my new job role, and got my head around all the new responsibilities... I took on a course I had previously failed - and passed it - and have built on that success. Home life was ok - I continued to house share - which whilst not ideal - enabled me to save money. My health was good and I managed to get off the antidepressants and stay well... November arrived and *finally* I cleared the rest of my debts - I gained the mantle of becoming debt free... Here was a time to celebrate. With a now increased income (£675 p/month) I was looking forward to spending a little, saving some and just enjoying life some more.

It was at this point a close friend... someone who had been a great support and lover, came to me for help. He'd lived with a couple for a few years and they's suddenly told him they were moving and there wouldn't be room for him... I was a little fed up where I was (scruffy, no personal freedom and a no sex policy in the house haha!!!)... I had a bit more disposable income and it seemed like a good idea to make a new start... It would mean spending a little more each month but we could be in our own place, with our own rules, in a new apartment - This could be everything I'd hoped for!...

The story continues...

abundant1972

So... back to my story...

I'd had my lightbulb moment - a cyclone that carried me to Oz - where I could see a better life for myself - if only I could find my way back. I'd met the Scarecrow - my rational mind - who wanted a brain - a new way thinking, a way to break old thought patterns and beliefs. I met the Tin Man - a realisation that money and love for me were very closely linked... I believed I didn't deserve either - and felt hollow inside. I desperately wanted a heart - to feel what love and a life with abundance would be like. Lastly, I met the Cowardly Lion. He showed me that I largely live my life in fear, scared of what might happen, rather than living for the moment and seeing all the good in life. He wanted courage - to find that strength within to overcome my own limitations...

I'd started my journey on the yellowbrick road towards the Emerald City - which represented my way home. There I would meet the Wizard and I'd find the answers I needed - the key to a new life without debt. On the way I fell off the path into a trap set by the Wicked Witch of the West - representing temptation - the poppy field. Losing my way I fell to gambling as seemingly a quick fix to all my problems. Luckily - call it divine intervention or inspiration came in the form of Glinda, Good Witch of the North - and I saw through the illusion, and got myself back on track...

My debt free day dawned as I reached the Emerald City, and as I stepped into my new life - or so I thought - I came face to face with the Wizard. Just when I thought my journey was over - I realised that success wouldn't be everything I'd hoped for...