The final count down:)

newlifeahead

Have now finished work for the day. The kids are staying at their nan's so I have got time to do a few things before an appointment later at 6pm.

I have got £31 in my purse for the rest of the week. Luckly, my car passed it's MOT last week but just have a few things which will need doing before they become a problem but I hadn't budgeted for this.

I have got a few spends this month, like swimming lessons £40 and a couple of other activites once the kids are back at school. I purchased 2 things from QVC so I have decided to send these back and get a refund which will help cover the cost of these extra items.
I would prefer to reduce my debt than have these things. I don't really need it so they will have to go back.

Right, time to get some ironing and washing done and just a little bit of cleaning;)

newlifeahead

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

I just don't know why I can't just have one whole day of joy.

It's now late and I can't sleep. I have just eaten 3/4's of a large packet of minstrels and I still don't feel any better.

I have been to couples counselling with OH and I now feel like [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL]. We go every week and it feels like things between us get worse, I don't know how we can resolve our issues. Why can't I just have a normal relationship instead of all this ****.
I just don't know what to say or do any more, I really don't want to come on here and complain about it but I don't have anyone to talk to.

I have tried so many times ending this relationship but he doesn't want to and to be honest some times I think I will end up dead. Just read about another murder of a mum and 6year old son who may have been stabbed by the partner. This is how I feel my life will end up I try to break away completely.

I am completely trapped. I can't fix it and I can't move on:(
Just feel like packing my bags and disappearing forever, but I can't leave the kids and I can't take them away from their dad. So I just don't know what to do.

I don't even want to go to sleep now just in case I don't get to wake up again.

newlifeahead

I am currently trying to shake of the dark cloud which seems to be following me around.

After having a complete melt down last night / this morning I'm kinda thinking fxxx it. I'm not going to let anything derail my journey when I am so close to it.

I have opened a First Direct account. (thanks you MSE £125 for me :T) Just spent 20 minutes going through the security questions to set up on-line banking. Considering I only applied on Saturday night and received my debit card and bank details this morning I think that was a pretty quick process.

I have also opened up a regular saver account with them for £25pm for 12 months. This will come in handy when it is time to insure my car next year.

Have changed my bank details with my employer so my next pay should go into the First Direct account at the end of this month.

Payplan have now confirmed that my dmp with them will be cancelled :T

Received a letter from B'card who have my Egg card to say that my payment plan is accepted for £62.17, which is what I pay now anyway. I will set up a standing order with First Direct to make sure it gets paid. They will review it in September.

That's it for now. Have to go and collect the kids and take them to their boxing class. I don't feel like going, but if I don't I will just send myself insane.

TTFN :j

newlifeahead

Time really is flying. I am enjoying this weather :j
After finishing with oh I have been trying to get my life back on track.
I joined the gym £18.99 pm. This is the first gym I have actually enjoyed. This is a 24 hour gym and the price includes all the classes. It is so easy to book or cancel the classes and I have been to quite a few already. I am loving it. It feels great to get back out there after spending so much time working from home and living in my own little world.

Tried to log into Payplan but they disabled my access straight away. I just wanted to check a few things but never mind.

Only 3 more payments left to clear b'card. I can't wait.

newlifeahead

I had my day planned but my sister's kids will be visiting today so now my plans will have to change. They don't visit very often and my kids love to see them so I won't complain too much.

Had a call from First Direct yesterday, they have confirmed which dd I will transfer over and this will happen on 10th May. So my wage will go into the first Direct acc and I will then have to transfer enough money to cover the dd's which will happen between 1st - 10th.

Still enjoying the gym although I had to cancel a class on Thursday night. Ex took the kids to the park and came back too late for me to go to the class

newlifeahead

Just had to post that message. Laptop is doing really strange things. I do need to either replace it or get it fixed at some point.

Pay day in a few days but ds2 has two school trips to go on. One day trip £40 and a weekend trip £165. He said he doesn't want to go on it so I won't encourage him too much. I can't belive it is so expensive for 2 nights.

Anyway, we have a sun weekend to go to next week. This shall be fun. Going with the ex. I am enjoying a quiter life now that we no longer see or call each other. It shall be interesting.

newlifeahead

I just don't know how he does it. Whenever I talk to my ex he always makes me feel awful This is why I try to avoid any kind of communication with him. I try to be pleasant and upbeat and he always finds a way to have a dig at me.
Really don't feel like going to my boxing class now, it means I will have to see him there when he takes the kids home. I would much prefer to just go to a gym class instead.
Oh well. I will give it a few weeks and see what happens. The boxing class is quite far away so I don't know if it will be worth it anymore.

Must get ready now will need to leave in a bit.

shinner

Keep your chin up seems like your having a tough time just now. I know how your feeling i have a very inconsiderate OH i do nothing he has a go about anything and everything i cant do right for wrong.

newlifeahead

shinner wrote: »

Keep your chin up seems like your having a tough time just now. I know how your feeling i have a very inconsiderate OH i do nothing he has a go about anything and everything i cant do right for wrong.

Thanks Shinner. Yes, it is tough when he is around. Right now it just feels like he doesn't want me to have any fun or to be happy without him.

Hugs to you, I know how hard it is to please someone like that.

newlifeahead

I managed to enjoy yesterday afternoon with the kids and my nephews who came up to visit. They don't visit often so I didn't mind changing what I had planed. I did forget to cancel my gym class for yesterday evening

I have got a class booked for 8am this morning. Something which I haven't tried before and then another class later today at 4:30pm. I may cancel that one because I also have a class booked for 6:30am tomorrow morning.

DS2 has got rugby at 10:30am - 12pm so I will have to go and watch, it is the last for the season until September :T
Shopping to do later, washing , ironing, cleaning, and visiting parents