Hoarding - A New Start

This_Year

blossomhill wrote: »

RIGHT! You're going in! ((dramatic James Bond music))
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find 5 items you just don't care about, and get them out quick.
Have an escape route ready, bundle them into your arms and shut the door, don't look back, don't think about the others you've left behind. Regroup in the kitchen by the ironing board. Lay them flat on the board and decide if they are bin, CS or eBy.
Debrief us tomorrow and see if you can accept another mission

Give me two ticks. I'll be back!

whitewing

I always felt very scared as a teenager and I had my belongings strewn all over the room because I felt that it would delay anyone coming in to strangle me!

I kind of carried those feelings over when I was a single parent and the whole house was in array (but I never got strangled). I really do mean that nobody could have been in the house without me knowing. So hoarding did have a lot to do with actually making me feel safe by physical barriers. I never seemed to consider that the easier way to dispatch of me would have been by arson.

Took my wedding dress to a local wedding shop lady for her opinion. I hadn't had it cleaned yet as it is so expensive. She has told us how to clean it ourselves, saving an absolute fortune on dry cleaning. Then we will be able to sell it at some point this year. She was quite enthusiastic about it so it sounds like it will be worth holding onto it for a bit longer to sell in season to get the better price.

I am noticing how the 10 mins, half an hour, occasional days of decluttering last year are making a huge difference to what we are achieving this year in terms of decluttering.

My problem is that, unlike a lot of you here, I seem to be putting on a noticeable amount of weight. So I don't know yet how I am going to tackle that. I sort of feel that I should be lighter and healthier surely because the dehoarding should show that I am feeling better. Stelios, where are you? Can you explain this?

tattycath

decogecko wrote: »

Afternoon all

Welcome tattycath you've made a fab start, baby steps at first as you don't want to overwhelm yourself.

On the subject of control freakery - I too am but only towards myself, I daren't tell other people how to do things as I would probably tell them wrong. I am reserved on what parts of me I share with people. But I am an imperfect perfectionist and it stiffles and overwhelms me at times. I also feel like a massive failure if I don't do something I've mentally tasked myself with.

My late OH was a major control freak, I never did anything right, well except for the vacuuming which he admitted very begrudgenly I was good at! (the only thing I did right). Everything had to be done his way any other way was not good enough. Consequently I'd worry a lot when I did clean the house that he'd moan that it still wasn't clean enough or hadn't been done properly. Which he still did no matter how hard I'd tried.

Or if I'd not had time to clean (I work full time) he'd moan and say the house was a mess and then leave his dirty dishes on the side for me to put in the dishwasher. All the while the garage and shed were rammed with 'things'. I actually remember him saying (with a degree of contempt) that he was never going to sort out the stuff in the garage and he was right. Sadly.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, feelings and LBMs about hoarding, you not only help me understand myself a bit better but also maybe why my late OH was like he was.

Deco x

Thanks for the welcome decogecko.
My ex used to constantly complain-nothing was ever good enough for him either re-tidying and cleaning. This was when I could hide my hoarding in the vast storage at the house we used to live in. He was a hoarder too. Apparently the garage is still full of rubbish and I left him about 13 years ago. lol

nightsong

whitewing wrote: »

I always felt very scared as a teenager and I had my belongings strewn all over the room because I felt that it would delay anyone coming in to strangle me!

My problem is that, unlike a lot of you here, I seem to be putting on a noticeable amount of weight. So I don't know yet how I am going to tackle that. I sort of feel that I should be lighter and healthier surely because the dehoarding should show that I am feeling better. Stelios, where are you? Can you explain this?

First paragraph - hugs.

Second paragraph - me too. I always thought you were supposed to shed the weight as you got your hoard under control? But maybe it makes sense that losing the stuff is scary, so we compensate or comfort ourselves or something by eating more?

Would be interesting to hear other theories

This_Year

I can agree with the control freakery, my OH is definitely a control freak and we fight like cat and dog over the "right" way to do anything. He's left handed, I'm right handed so it's always going to look "wrong" to the watcher. He's managed to stop just taking things out of my hands if it looks wrong now, omg did that spark some vicious arguments! I let him be if he's washing up wrong, he lets me be if I'm cutting bread wrong, much easier in the long run.

Same result, no hassles. I use a variety of insults under my breath when I leave him to it, but we're still friends at the end of the day

On the occasions that he just breathes wrong I go for a long bath with my book.

Loving the card-box! But too tempting to keep cards just in case. And my fantasy craft-y person doesn't live here any more.

I had to empty and wash my salt pot yesterday. I had listed it on ebay as part of the set and sort of forgot I was actually using it and it sold :rotfl:
Maybe I should start to use other bits that have gone unsold!

Wardrobe. 3 tops in a size 10 (I'll never be a 10 again so why did i buy them? - CS. Fleecey gilet - size 10 - CS. Ripped cardi (did I really put it back ripped or did it rip because too much stuff in there?) beforehand would have gone in the Dolls-House-Refurbish-project pile for curtains etc but I have now binned it too.

Dolls house is still awaiting any work to be done after it's been sat there 5 years when I first had the bright idea. :eek:

Thats the 5. Think I'll do 5 more tomorrow, too. Sorting it out in the kitchen under that bright light was a cracker of an idea!

This_Year

I'm finding that I'm doing a lot of thinking, running over events in my mind that upset me years ago and sometimes coming to the conclusion that maybe it wasn't actually me vs the world but maybe on occasion I didn't help certain situations.

I don't mean I'm always blaming myself, but more taking a unbiased view of the event (not going to bore you, it's silly stuff, really) and imagining how I react if it was a friend telling me what happened if that makes sense?

I'm putting it down to trying to declutter - my brain is taking it one step further LOL!

Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent free in your head.

whitewing

If they weren't too difficult to make, those giftcard boxes would be great as 'wrapping' for birthday presents. That way you could use up your cards and give them away!

suzitiger

tattycath wrote: »

Thanks for the welcome suzitiger.
I did watch quite a few of 'The Hoarder Next Door' programmes. I can so relate to them-though my hoarding is really no where near as bad as theirs. (which is why I need to sort it out now).
I have loads of stuff I should get rid of but I keep putting it off saying 'I'll list it on ebay, no point giving it away when I can get some money back on it'. I now have an overflowing cupboard full of 'stuff' to sell.

amyloofoo wrote: »

That's exactly what I do... I'm thinking of instituting a rule that anything I don't manage to list in the next six months is slung or charity shopped - should hopefully make me get on it! I've also put together a big bag of cash 4 clothes type stuff, which is too good to bin but will take ages to ebay. I'm hoping that knowing I'll get *something* (even if very little) for it will encourage me to get rid

Me too guys, me too! I recently went through the fleabay bag and got rid of a bin bag full of things that are heading to the charity shop, the rest is to go on and again (see below) I am going to set myself a deadline for this otherwise it all goes to the c-shop
And yes Tattycath, I am glad we are in the same boat with the hoaders programs, for me it was a guy named Paul who was a Jazz fan, his flat is what mine looks like (replace the CDs with books) and I knew he had a problem even though he wouldn't admit it at first, I hang on to 'useful' things like he did

Brighton_belle wrote: »

It's a deal . Have you got a diary or calender you can write this on for 22nd July?
And thank you for your kind compliment, even though I haven't a clue what 'drop your top' regulars means and it might in fact be an insult:rotfl:

22nd July??! :eek: Ohhh now that you have said it, that sound very close, I'd best get cracking.:rotfl:
Drop your top is the slogan of the bottle cap campaign, you know how L*sh like to be a bit cheeky

Pitlanepiglet

Which corner are the control freaks in? I'm with ya!

As others have said, I'm controlling of others rather than being a perfectionist but I am aware that I don't start things if I don't think I can do them perfectly which leads to a lot of procrastinating and not a lot of doing....

Keep it up everyone, one day at a time x

sjprmc01

I see a bit of most traits in myself

I definitely think I at least used to hoard/be messy as a distancing or protecting myself kind of thing. Also as a teenager I used to go to bed fully clothed when I could get away with it I have no idea what that was all about I just know I used to get in trouble for doing it (and I mean right down to my jacket, I'd rarely take my jacket off in the house. I'm slightly like that still, at work I will keep my jacket on as long as poss only taking it off if I'm too hot). I hate when it's the height of summer coz I can't get away with wearing a jacket!

So, let me see! I'm a perfectionist control freak whose intelligence has been spilled into all these objects surrounding me who has some kind of anxiety complex about my own safety? .........I'm sure I could add more if I thought! ..........oh, who felt deprived throughout her childhood because she didn't have any cool things (sounds so shallow but when you think in pre-teen/teen years these are the kinds of things that matter and shape your friendships and social circles)