Hoarding - A New Start

lostinrates

I think the question importantly is, not just what or who we are according to a psychology book but what, as well as clearing the clutter, are we going to do to improve and be more fullfilled and happier?

We know stuff doesn't do it!

I have the best marriage I know of and that doesn't do it (for either of us)?

Lots have mentioned eating doesn't help either!

The answer I think is closer to home and harder.....

Night night chums....

sjprmc01

Yes we have to be able to love ourselves and see our own potential in ourselves and have faith in ourselves blah blah blah (sorry but it does sound rather like its being read from a book/like a standardised answer)

mcculloch29

I must admit this thread (and the Messies thread) is a huge help. It could be why I finally manage to become a reasonably tidy and organised person.

I love telling you all what I've done, and do that bit extra some days, so I have something worthwhile to report.

Cuddly toys..my (adult) children bought me a few. I'd feel a bit guilty if I rehomed them, as my offspring know the story of how my mother disposed of my precious bear when I was small, because he was worn out by being hugged. I'm sure that's why I've been given 3 bears (2 very small, 1 small -medium) by them.

whitewing

Anyone ever read any of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books? I reckon we could do a Chicken Soup for the Hoarder's Soul between us.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

sjprmc01 wrote: »

I see a bit of most traits in myself

I definitely think I at least used to hoard/be messy as a distancing or protecting myself kind of thing. Also as a teenager I used to go to bed fully clothed when I could get away with it I have no idea what that was all about I just know I used to get in trouble for doing it (and I mean right down to my jacket, I'd rarely take my jacket off in the house. I'm slightly like that still, at work I will keep my jacket on as long as poss only taking it off if I'm too hot). I hate when it's the height of summer coz I can't get away with wearing a jacket!

Wearing clothes?


Covers you.

Makes you feel less vulnerable.

No extra vulnerable moment of having your back turned and being undressed (just think of the number of horror/serial killer/monster movies that have the victim in the shower, getting undressed, getting jiggy with the boyfriend, getting drunk, wandering around scantily clothed - the message comes across, despite their ostensibly being there for the benefit of the teenage boy audience, that when girls aren't fully clothed, Bad Things Happen.)



In my case, it meant I was ready for a 2am thundering into the room to scream and shout at me about my room not being tidy like Hers :rotfl: and making me [STRIKE]tidy it[/STRIKE] move things around without actually throwing a single thing away as that was forbidden until it was about 8am and time for school. A little nightie just didn't cut it - for a start, that meant my legs and arms were exposed. Pyjamas were for boys. And as there was no heating, curtains or carpeting upstairs in my room, I got cold at night. Really cold. So I often slept in my clothes.



I had got over that stage years ago, but I was woken up from deep sleep by a neighbour hammering on my door when alone at my last flat one night. He was probably drunk and thought he was going back to his last home, which was up the same number of steps, but that terror set me back. Now I usually wear trackie bottoms and a top (wouldn't wear them any other time).

whitewing

Someone asked about 'weightedness' and seratonin. Can't vouch for its accuracy but this site explains a bit more...

http://www.ehow.com/how_5525250_make-weighted-blanket.html

blossomhill_2

Re the weight gain -
one theory could be that you are going through a peak of stress while decluttering and so increasing your cortisol (hormone) levels - but this will be infinitely better than putting it under constant stress from unresolved situations and being faced with them every day, so should settle down

We are designed to cope with peaks of stress, not prolonged stress, and if we can get back to "relaxed with a few peaks for normal stressful situations" we should get better and ALSO be less prone to stress-related illnesses.
Normal stress means things like near-miss traffic incidents, not walking into your bedroom or trying to avoid letting a visitor into your home

If this is you, then yoga could help, or a relaxation technique after a decluttering session

There is also the posibility that in just the same way we are trying to overfill drawers we also have a calorific intake that exceeds our output - so just as important as making sure we reduce what comes into our home (or swap to less but higher-quality stuff) is making sure we do the same with food - if you are not using it or capable of using it (goods or food) then try not to bring it in

cyclingyorkie

Large bag of stuff decluttered to CS this morning. And it's all Gift Aided too!

It includes the PJ's my sister bought me, and a nightie she also gave me (another size 12!) And some books I'll never read again!

It all helps!

My weight is fluctuating at the moment, despite S/W membership. This is largely due to the peri-menopause I think (my system is driving me NUTS at the moment!)

VJsmum

This Year - :T well done.

I need to start again.

Watch this space....

GreyQueen

Morning all.

Been following the thread with close attention and much thoughtfulness. Some heart-wrenching stuff here among the lighter notes. I think we could make a worthwhile contribution to a manual called How to Really Mess with Children's Heads.

I haven't any spectacular gains of space to report but have managed to put last year's birthday cards through the shredder. Yup, I didn't save them for more than a few months and I resisted the urge to gift-tag create from the pretty bits. I have plenty of gift-tags. Felt a bit barbarous but only for a second.

It occurs to me that when you look at a Hoard as a unit, whether it's the room that you can barely enter, the drawer that won't shut, or the cupboard whose contents slump out, amoeba-style, whenever the door is opened, clutter seems to be BIG. Overwhelmingly, back-breakingly, stomach-churningly big.

But it's rarely big, in my experience. Clutter is mostly small and fairly lightweight. It's the accretion of tens, hundreds or (tens of) thousands of little cluttery things which makes those mountains of carp which weigh a tonne and sap the soul when contemplating dealing with them.

Today I shall de-clutter a bank account and I'm intending to spend some of the money on bucket list items. Not talking world travel or limo-riding, just some courses and things I've fancied doing for years but haven't got a round tuit yet. Seems to me that enhancing my skills and experience is more worthwhile than acquiring Stuff which would require space I don't have and would mean very little to me beyond Oh gawd, more dusting!

I also had a thought about the ink cartridge (defunct) sitting in it's poly bag on my desk. I know a c.s. where they take these in. It's a cancer charity. My own Mum is in remission for cancer so it's a poignant one for me. Then, last Dec, just after I donated the previous cartridge, I bought the replacement and got a till spit off the next cartridge for 10% within a limited period (now expired period) if I handed in a defunct one at the same time.

Was seriously-kicking myself for missing a trick there and thus the replaced cartridge is parked on the desk awaiting for the offer to be repeated. Then I had a LBM - 10% discount is all of 69p! Honestly, I'm cluttering up my desk and witholding a resource from charity to possibly-gain 69p at some unspecified point in the future. What was I like, thinking that was a good idea? It's going into the charity in a few days when I pass their door.

I also had a breakthough moment on the paperhoarding front. Last year I did a major declutter of my file box where I keep important stuff. I can recall among the banking papers were at least 2 of those letters which come with your new bank card glued to them.

I've just had a new debit card, which I activated over the phone and checked in the ATM. And I was about to file the letter it came glued onto, when I stopped in mid-action.

Why was I filing this only to declutter it another time? Was there anything on it which made it a keeper? Checked it carefully and there was nowt. So I shredded it. Pre-dejunking, this is a major shift in conscousness for me.

Sensible people have probably been doing it this way for years, but it was a LBM for me.

Keep on keeping on. The daily drag-in needs to be kept on top of, as well as the accumulations of carp and kipple. Remember it doesn't have legs (wings, mebbe, but not legs) so we can chase it down and deal with it.