Hoarding - A New Start

sjprmc01

Well, 41 is as far as I've got!

The 100 helped me yesterday when I was in the right frame of mind, most of it was decluttering, not so much day-to-day stuff, it helped me realise some of the things I was keeping were obscure and pointless, and it has not even made the slightest dent into what needs done really!

It helped coz I was in a 'chuck it and don't think' frame of mind!

whitewing

I skim read all the posts but do find I miss some stuff - occasionally someone will quote and I think I never read that.

Anyone who is good at sewing and knitting and stuff that I don't know about makes me feel anxious, until I reset them into post/personality. For example, Jojo talks about music, which I feel I should know more about. If I think Music/I'm crap, I feel anxious about every little thing in my life that makes me uncomfortable. I find it a lot easier to associate music/Jojo and then I can enjoy - or ignore - the post.

Or ebay. I feel incompetent sometimes because OTHER PEOPLE can use ebay, and I hate it for auctions. I feel that I ought to know how to do it..if you look at all those photos of people who take naked photos of themselves selling their dresses, there is no reason why I couldn't manage to use it. But I know that some anxiety is because I associate ebay with facebook (in my mind, those good at one often use the other). Now I ought to get to grips with these sites for my job, and it is turning into a big, black cloud in my mind. But I don't want people to stop posting about ebay. I just permit myself to ignore those parts of the conversation.

I like lists so I like other people's lists but I don't use lists at the moment as much as I used to. I am more relaxed but feel less productive.

I like the discussions too on here.

But what I like most is that everyone is at different stages. I think it is fine to skim posts and only concentrate on the posters that appeal to you at the moment.

I do think dehoarding is so much more than decluttering so lurking on the thread at times even is great.

sjprmc01

I suddenly feel like I've done something wrong........,

whitewing

sjprmc01 wrote: »

I suddenly feel like I've done something wrong........,

I think we're in awe of your energy.

I'd be worried if you managed 100 items a day every day for a year. You'd be like roadrunner, beep beep nyammmmmmmm.

Patchwork_Quilt

sjprmc01 wrote: »

I suddenly feel like I've done something wrong........,

Part of the pleasure of this thread is that everyone is offering something different and being inspirational as they do so.

Don't worry. Just do your thing, whatever it is.

This_Year

sjprmc01 wrote: »

I suddenly feel like I've done something wrong........,

Don't worry. You're dealing with your stuff your way, we're all at different stages etc, I have fits and starts but we'll get there in the end. xx

Goldiegirl

sjprmc01 wrote: »

I suddenly feel like I've done something wrong........,

You are fine, you are doing your thing, and achieving a hell of a lot.

I enjoyed the random nature of some of the things on your lists.

Re things that make me anxious..... Facebook makes me very nervous.

I never really wanted to join, but, when I was made redundant three or four years ago, people kept urging me to sign up, so I did.

Whenever I was on there, I'd always feel worried that people would see me online, and want to have a message conversation with me, whereas I was only on there for a quick look at photos.

I just didn't enjoy it at all. I've still got the account, and had to log in the other day to get a link that I knew was on there.. But I was in and out in about two minutes, before anyone 'noticed' me:rotfl:

I much prefer forums - it seems easier to lurk on a forum, if you just want to look and not join in.

Anyway, I really must go to bed, work tomorrow:(

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

whitewing wrote: »

I skim read all the posts but do find I miss some stuff - occasionally someone will quote and I think I never read that.

Anyone who is good at sewing and knitting and stuff that I don't know about makes me feel anxious, until I reset them into post/personality. For example, Jojo talks about music, which I feel I should know more about. If I think Music/I'm crap, I feel anxious about every little thing in my life that makes me uncomfortable. I find it a lot easier to associate music/Jojo and then I can enjoy - or ignore - the post.

Or ebay. I feel incompetent sometimes because OTHER PEOPLE can use ebay, and I hate it for auctions. I feel that I ought to know how to do it..if you look at all those photos of people who take naked photos of themselves selling their dresses, there is no reason why I couldn't manage to use it. But I know that some anxiety is because I associate ebay with facebook (in my mind, those good at one often use the other). Now I ought to get to grips with these sites for my job, and it is turning into a big, black cloud in my mind. But I don't want people to stop posting about ebay. I just permit myself to ignore those parts of the conversation.

I like lists so I like other people's lists but I don't use lists at the moment as much as I used to. I am more relaxed but feel less productive.

I like the discussions too on here.

But what I like most is that everyone is at different stages. I think it is fine to skim posts and only concentrate on the posters that appeal to you at the moment.

I do think dehoarding is so much more than decluttering so lurking on the thread at times even is great.

I tend to skim things about little children or happy relationships


Personally, I wonder if the effort of listing things gives them more power - they have to be identified, named, given a significance, 'that's my .........' - rather than 'it's rubbish/stuff/gibble/litter'.

I remember my mother triumphantly listing everything she discarded from my bedroom whilst I was out at school. A paper cup was given the same significance as a school textbook. The junk never mattered, but she seemed to think that it would - the only things I was ever bothered about were the schoolbooks, as they would lead to my getting into humungous trouble at school. Other books, well, I could go to the school library, art stuff, I could use things at school, toys, I'd grown out of them.

Perhaps that was part of her disordered thinking - she thought I would be bothered by the volume of stuff, not just the important things. It certainly would have saved her a lot of energy if she had just gone for the schoolbooks in the first place, tbh.





I don't mean to make anyone feel inferior - my life is largely centred around music. I don't know half as much about it as people I know - I certainly can't play as well. I probably know a whole lot less than LIR does. But I do know what it feels like to have a go at something new and find out it's absolutely wonderful and takes you to a place you never knew existed, much less one that leads you to seeing yourself in a new light.


It's feeling the uncertainty, the unease, the outright scariness of doing something different - but doing it anyway.


I remember the sheer terror of my first show. And my second and third. I also remember the sick feeling walking round the corner knowing I'd be meeting the guys I was playing with for the first time. I still get it, if I don't know anyone who is going to be there.

But I also remember the rush of being up there, and the feeling afterwards that I did it. A year after my first show, I was seeing other people with that same fear on their faces turning up for their first gigs and trying to reassure them that it's normal to feel like that, no matter how talented they were, they were still doing something different to their normal habits, they were feeling just the same worry and fear I did.



With hoarding, the scary thing isn't picking up a new musical instrument, isn't walking into a room of experienced musicians not knowing a single chord, isn't opening your mouth and letting sounds come out - it's putting the five old televisions out because you don't need that many spares.

Or it's deciding 54 pairs of knickers is probably overkill, especially when 37 of them have got holes in, saggy elastic or have turned that fetching shade of grey that always looks like you haven't washed them. And taking the steps to reduce the numbers in favour of ones that fit, stay up and wouldn't be embarrassing in the event of collision with the 109 bus.



It's the same emotions - fear of failure, fear of ridicule, fear of being exposed and vulnerable, memories of times when that has happened - but in a different context.


I start small with a part I have to/want to learn. I look at small sections, even a bar at a time, or just a phrase, start slowly, with bits I can manage, then expand into larger excerpts, faster tempo, and over time (including rest), I get stronger, better, faster until I can either stick to what is there or add in something I like better.


Someone looking at a great hoard could start with one little box. then another. Or one table, one bed, one corner. Keep at it. And before long, they get better at that bit, so could try the next one as well. Over time, with practice, it gets easier - and when you meet the difficult things, the sticking points, you slow down and practice individual bits again, go over what you already know - you keep going and you will get through it. And eventually, you can clear that entire room or play the entire piece.


************

I distrust selling on eBay. I can buy things from it, but I distrust selling. Well, to be accurate, I distrust buyers. It doesn't make me feel bad about myself, it's just how I feel about it.


And, regarding facebook, you can choose to appear invisible to chat. Mine's permanently set to that after I got a few people trying to chat when I wasn't in the mood for it.


I really am a curmudgeonly old bag when I set my mind to it

VJsmum

Jojo - your description of how you feel when you first play with someone new or when you first did a gig is a bit like when I first started teaching. There were times when I would stand outside of a classroom of 100 students having to force myself through the door, paste a smile on and just DO IT.

15 years on and I still get that sometimes. I have to give myself a talking to that I know my stuff and can do my job. If someone asks me a difficult question then I simply say I will find out (or tell them to )

I love facebook cos it's stoopid!!

blossomhill_2

Byatt wrote: »

And because I do it quietly and without fuss, an assumption is made that it must be easy.

LOL, IKWYM - I had a "comedy" sign on my desk for a while saying "I don't look busy because I did it right first time!" and always added when people commented on it "that doesn't mean my job is easy"

I had a dim-lightbulb moment yesterday in the crockery section of TKMxxxx - I realised I could actually just get rid of all my handmedowns and outgrowns and have a kitchen with nice bright fresh trendy stuff, 4 plates instead of 2 dozen ... matching mugs ... but then I agonised over whether this would be aspirational and not really "me" - I am not an aspirational- kitchen-person I am an inherited-kitchen-person

In the morning DD had snapped at me that "there seems to be stuff everywhere but it's only ever my stuff that's a problem", so after she went I cleared all the surfaces, binned loads, put stuff away so when she came back in the pm there was just a pile of her stuff where she stands to make tea ... it's still there now like an elephant in the room

Replaced the draining rack and brushes, could have bleached them up a bit as they weren't too bad but though hey, for less than a fiver; life's too short

I'm going to take a photo of how it all is now and put a note in my calender for each month to check it against the photo to prevent "creep" - the slow sure tide of stuff creeping back into sight without me noticing