Really urgently need some advice pls :(

oojakapipi

Hi, I was given a great piece of advice a few years ago during a split which involved joint ownership of a house. I was told to write everything down as by the time things are presented in court it will all be a blur and you will forget what happened when. Keep a diary.

Since he is being nasty, I would refuse to speak to him on the phone/in person and do all communication through letters. Don't do this through the solicitor as their fees mount up, but as others have pointed out you will have evidence of events through letters.

I was a jury member at a court case where a man was being tried for bullying his ex, the police had an expert go through her mobile phone and retreived more than 200 nasty text messages even though they had been deleted, just to let you know if this is his prefered method of communication.

As has already been said, your first move should be to stop any access he has to your accounts. Open a new bank account just in case you need to get your wages paid into a new account. Look into claiming back bank charges. Get in touch with national debtline or cccs to sort out your finances for now, it is a free service and it will make you feel so much better, or at least in more control.

If he used to get his wages paid into your account what is he doing about this now?

Best wishes and good luck.

Bunnyinthelights

I don't have anything to add-ZTD has given great advice as well as others.
Use the anger and betrayal to remain strong and once you've got it sorted a bit more, then you can have some time to grieve.

Keep posting, you'll get amazing support from this lot-they helped me to no end when I was going thru the poo last year...

Bunny

System

Hi, I know it must be hard and you will worrying and getting anxious about many things. Like Z and Lynz said, you only have to pay your priority debts and the reast, Loans and CCs can wait. You can pay them small amounts and indeed you can contact the Council and your other priority debts to explain you have difficulty in paying at the moment until things settle down. But you MUST let them know dont ignore them. Post your SOA (I+E and all your debts). Contact CCCS or Payplan https://www.cccs.co.uk or https://www.payplan.co.uk or your local citizens advice and you will see that the most important thing you must worry about is yourself NOT the money. Dont go away from here, it (this forum) and we shall be your guiding light and remember there is no such thing as a stupid question - so post away. You are in good company here Lenny

mrslawrence2003

ZTD wrote: »

Right first things first: Don't panic - everything will work out, it's only money.

Also smile. You don't want to, but trust me you'll feel better for it, and it's cheap at twice the price.

• Change all passwords on your accounts
• Change any accounts in joint names (if applicable) to "both signatures" - but first remove all money from them. Yes they are joint assets and he has a right to them, but they can be used for bills in the meanwhile
• I presume he still has keys to the house? Remove/lock up every last piece of financial information/identity. Trust me on this.

Been there - got that T-shirt. She got a free car just with one lie. Don't think of it as stupidity, think of it as a stain on their soul that can never be removed.



That's irrelevant - as you've found out. Try to get stuff he says in writing/email. He'll try to appear nice-as-ninepence later and portray you as a psycho-biitch-from-hell-who-eats-PMT-for-breakfast. Emails with him refusing to pay will come in handy then.



How much do you earn? Do you earn little enough for any benefits?

You have 2 kinds of debt - priority, and non-priority.

Priority (mortgage, C Tax etc) should be paid - as much as possible. If you are paying *something* usually (but not guaranteed) people will not take you to court, especially if you explain why. Send mail via recorded delivery. Trust me on this.

You will have to go onto a Debt Management Plan for the others. I would advise you contact CCCS or Payplan or the CAB to set one of these up for you. You have enough on your plate without having to organise one of these as well.

Expect endless phonecalls and lies from your creditors as well as any DCA your debts end up with.



Anyone else suggest something?

thanks very much hun. have already changed the locks as he has a nasty temper on him. discovered he's already swiped anything he can carry of value like my vintage 1995 dom perignon, no doubt to drink with his new g/f.

mrslawrence2003

Snaggles wrote: »

Oh good point actually - is he an additional cardholder/authorised user on any of your credit card accounts? If the actual account is in your name, you will be liable for the debt even if he is the one that spends the money, so get his card cancelled straight away if he has one.

i did have one credit card that he was an authorised user on but i cancelled it when he went awol a few weeks ago - they sent out replacement ones but i have them in my possession.

i have enough just about this month to service everything and i earn just too much to qualify for things like legal aid, and seems like taking him to court is going to cost a fortune. but then i dont think i have any choice.

System

mrslawrence2003 wrote: »

thanks very much hun. have already changed the locks as he has a nasty temper on him. discovered he's already swiped anything he can carry of value like my vintage 1995 dom perignon, no doubt to drink with his new g/f.

That's awful, what a ba5tard!

ZTD

mrslawrence2003 wrote: »

thanks very much hun. have already changed the locks as he has a nasty temper on him. discovered he's already swiped anything he can carry of value like my vintage 1995 dom perignon, no doubt to drink with his new g/f.

"Urgh what's this crap? What have you done with my Lambrini?!" :rotfl:

mrslawrence2003

lynzpower wrote: »

Im soerry to hear this sugar Sending a hug

just to also let council tax know that hes gone, and you are in line for your 25% discount

Hugs, it must be awful for you xx hang in there xx

thanks hun. i think i've just realised who he's been cheating on me with and i feel sick. i know there's no point in thinking about it - it's done and there's nothing i can do to change it and i know i'm better off out of the relationship - ok so financially it's a disaster but i'll be far better off emotionally / mentally and will be able to go home without being scared etc but my god it hurts.

ZTD

mrslawrence2003 wrote: »

i have enough just about this month to service everything and i earn just too much to qualify for things like legal aid, and seems like taking him to court is going to cost a fortune. but then i dont think i have any choice.

How easily could you get another job if you lost this one through "stress"?

poppy10_2

Also remember to change your username.