Really urgently need some advice pls :(

mrslawrence2003

after 3 years of marriage my husband has just left me. to put it briefly, when we met , 6 yrs ago, i had approx £6,000 worth of debt in student loans and was in my second year in uni. now, 6 years down the line, i owe approx £32,000. When my partner met me and moved to london, he gave up his job and defaulted on his overdraft, credit card and whatever else he had in place. This meant that he simply used my own current account instead of getting himself a new one, so for 6 years his wages have been paid into my current account along with my own.

I have credit cards, loans and overdrafts, that we have jointly used, but all in my name only and nothing in his (he couldnt get credit - we did try to open a joint bank account but were refused). This time last year, he said he had done something stupid and he had to pay a debt of approx £2,500 and could i increase one of my loans for him. He would not show me any paperwork etc, but stupidly i trusted him. Each time I have raised my concerns throughout our time together that everything is in my name, he has promised that if we did split up, he would always pay for his share. Now we have split up, he has said that he will pay nothing, or that he might pay something if he can afford.

The relationship has ended very badly, and he has been extremely cruel and vindictive, but basically he has walked out and left me with all the bills (eg rent as well as debts).

I have briefly spoken to a solicitor who has said that as we were married he is liable for his share of the debt, but only once the divorce process has started. What should i do in the meantime? This is seriously threatening my life in london as if he doesnt pay the bills i dont even earn enough to pay all the fixed outgoings, let alone pay to live.

what should i be doing? i am advertising for a flatmate to move in asap to get that aspect covered, but what else should i be doing?

rayday2

I would speak to either the CAB or the National Debthelpline remember that a payment plan can be a temporary thing but it means your interest is frozen which you definately need!

You have so much to go through emmotional, pratical and debt like take each step at a time and take professional advice along the way. Solicitor was good don't let the *** get away with it now you just need to create some breathing space with your companies you owe money to and the above should help you there.

If you have any debts with your current account holder then immediately before you send any letters out to companies get another account set up. With my Lloyds they were able under the contract to withdraw any funds out of my bank account to pay my credit card which obviously you dont want and this is pretty standard.

Good luck and best wishes to you!

I_was_a_fool

Hi there & welcome

You should post up an SOA (See Southern Scousers sticky thread at the top of the forum) and you will get loads of advice on how to proceed.

Sharon

Sweety83

Hi mrslawrence2003

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I would try and ring all your creditors and explain the situation to them. You may be able to arrange at least a temporary breather until you can get back on track or something more permanent organised.

Keep your chin up!

ZTD

mrslawrence2003 wrote: »

This meant that he simply used my own current account instead of getting himself a new one, so for 6 years his wages have been paid into my current account along with my own.

Right first things first: Don't panic - everything will work out, it's only money.

Also smile. You don't want to, but trust me you'll feel better for it, and it's cheap at twice the price.

• Change all passwords on your accounts
• Change any accounts in joint names (if applicable) to "both signatures" - but first remove all money from them. Yes they are joint assets and he has a right to them, but they can be used for bills in the meanwhile
• I presume he still has keys to the house? Remove/lock up every last piece of financial information/identity. Trust me on this.

mrslawrence2003 wrote: »

but stupidly i trusted him. Each time I have raised my concerns throughout our time together that everything is in my name, he has promised that if we did split up, he would always pay for his share.

Been there - got that T-shirt. She got a free car just with one lie. Don't think of it as stupidity, think of it as a stain on their soul that can never be removed.

mrslawrence2003 wrote: »

Now we have split up, he has said that he will pay nothing, or that he might pay something if he can afford.

That's irrelevant - as you've found out. Try to get stuff he says in writing/email. He'll try to appear nice-as-ninepence later and portray you as a psycho-biitch-from-hell-who-eats-PMT-for-breakfast. Emails with him refusing to pay will come in handy then.

mrslawrence2003 wrote: »

This is seriously threatening my life in london as if he doesnt pay the bills i dont even earn enough to pay all the fixed outgoings, let alone pay to live.

How much do you earn? Do you earn little enough for any benefits?

You have 2 kinds of debt - priority, and non-priority.

Priority (mortgage, C Tax etc) should be paid - as much as possible. If you are paying *something* usually (but not guaranteed) people will not take you to court, especially if you explain why. Send mail via recorded delivery. Trust me on this.

You will have to go onto a Debt Management Plan for the others. I would advise you contact CCCS or Payplan or the CAB to set one of these up for you. You have enough on your plate without having to organise one of these as well.

Expect endless phonecalls and lies from your creditors as well as any DCA your debts end up with.

mrslawrence2003 wrote: »

what should i be doing? i am advertising for a flatmate to move in asap to get that aspect covered, but what else should i be doing?

Anyone else suggest something?

Snaggles

I'm sorry to hear about your situation MrsLawrence - I think the advice you have been given already (particularly ZTD's) is good, especially about securing your home and contacting one of the debt charities mentioned above(stay away from the parasites that advertise on TV as they will probably charge you a fortune).

Getting a flatmate will help with the bills, but do get references and check them, or better still, is there anyone you already know who wants somewhere to live?

If you start getting calls from debt collections companies, you can write to them asking them to only contact you in writing.

I can't think of anything else you should be doing at the moment, apart from making sure you look after yourself and not being so hard on yourself - we all do things that, in hindsight, could be classed as stupid when we love someone, but all you are guilty of is being a decent human being who trusts the people she cares about......not such a huge crime, is it?

moonlightpjs

Think you said it all ZTD but also, if he has got a card/chequebook for either a joint account or your own account you need to get them cancelled straight away.

Lots of love and hugs to you xxxx

Snaggles

Oh good point actually - is he an additional cardholder/authorised user on any of your credit card accounts? If the actual account is in your name, you will be liable for the debt even if he is the one that spends the money, so get his card cancelled straight away if he has one.

ZTD

I did think of that, but forgot it by the time I did the list.

My memory...


Keep it up people - anything else?

RAS

Sorry things are so difficult right now. They will improve.

Do as ZTD advises re securing your home and your bank accounts. Get the cards cancelled asap. These are most important as this is when a relationship breaks down and he has the capacity to cause further damage.

I would check your house deeds. if you have signed things that you have not seen, these debts could be secured against the house.

Check on https://www.entitledto to see whether you can get any financial help.

When the dust settles a bit, start to identify stuff that you can e-bay/car boot. Go for cheap listing days.

Also, there is a brilliant thread on feeding yourself out of the contents in the cupboard and the freezer. Thought it was a sticky but cannot find it. Anyone else who can help?

lynzpower

Im soerry to hear this sugar Sending a hug

just to also let council tax know that hes gone, and you are in line for your 25% discount

Hugs, it must be awful for you xx hang in there xx