My kids will only ever own a property if their g/parents leave them massive amount

margaretclare

Melissa177 wrote: »

Having posted on this thread early on, and continued to read the coments, I have concluded that money (and dividing it up), seems to bring out the worst in people.

Oh, you are so right. I remember talking to a woman solicitor a few years ago - it was when my DH was in the throes of his divorce - and she said something I've never forgotten. It was: 'You only have to sit in this chair for a while and hear all the squabbles about wills, divorce settlements, who gets what, who inherited what, and you get to see the very worst in human nature'.

I think this is bad - I don't think anyone should question how someone else plans to divide up money when they are gone.

Speaking as a grandma, I agree. It's impossible to please everybody, all the people who think they should have more because they have/haven't children, have a good job/live on benefits. I think the grandma who plans to leave £1,000 each to the grandchildren is doing her best, and she couldn't possibly please all the others. I have agonised over this very point before we did our wills. DH doesn't want to leave a single penny-piece to anybody - 'we earned it ourselves, it's for us, no one ever left us a penny-piece and we've done all right'. His son and daughter are doing OK on their own, son is a high-flyer whose 2 daughters have gone to private school since they were 4, the eldest one is now in the high school part of the school, younger one still in prep department. Son has definitely moved 'up the property ladder' if there is such a thing! Also, I think his daughter has done pretty well in the same direction although less spectacularly.

We've divided all we leave between 5 of them (the grandchildren that is, given that the parents need nothing) - but is that fair, that 2 privately-educated girls should get exactly the same as my 3, the eldest of whom does a low-paid job and lives in a council flat? Well, no, according to some. But in my mind, his or mine, they're all our grandchildren and I can't do otherwise.

What I have taken away from this thread is:
- never expect an inheritance
- consider an inheritance a gift, not a right, if you do receive one
- encourage your parents to go SKIing so they can enjoy their lives that they have worked hard for, and there are fewer arguments afterwards!

I agree.

Margaret

peter999

azjh77 wrote: »

I was discussing this post with my Mum, and she told me that her cousin (who is 84) is leaving all her money between her son and daughter, and £1,000 each to the grandchildren. However her son doesn't think this is right as he has only one child while his sister has 3, and thinks his son should get 3 grand to 'make it fair'

I do understand where OP is coming from. My Nan-in-law will leave all her money between her two sons (my FIL and my husband's uncle) however, my FIL lives on benefits, so he will 'use up' all the money because they will stop his benefits and then go back to benefits when it runs out (he's long term disabled) while the uncle's money will be 'extra' for him. It makes sense to me to leave My FIL's half to my husband, who can then put it away for FIL to use whenever he wants (give him the bank card, but account in DH's name possibly?)- he doesn't spend a lot. I also worry about FIL being left with half of an IT bill, will he have to pay that? I would never suggest any of these things to my husband or his family, and feel terrible saying it here TBH, but just wanted OP to know others do think similarly.

Bring on the 'mercenary' quips!

That's why you cannot easily discuss this with the family/beneficiaries, without them trying to interfere.

Get it out of your head & forget it.
Tell anyone else trying to interfere in your cousin's Will, to keep their nose out.

It's not your business, it's not your money.
The Cousin is old enough & lived life to decide what they want to do.
They have probably seen trouble like this in families before.

peter999

Daisies

I find it very scary that someone is planning how to use someone else's money. Also, you have no idea what will happen in the future - will the grandparents outlive you, for instance, or will you go first? It's possible. My brother and I both bought houses last year (aged 26 and 24) thanks to some money left by our Dad - who died aged 58. I would much rather he were still alive now and using that money in his retirement. Dad had ended up in a similar position as he lost both his parents at the age of 21.

It's not your business what the grandparents do with their money - they evidently have a very different attitude to you. Maybe they will want to use it for care when they are older and ill? My great-aunt has no savings and is council-funded in a care home - she had no choice of home (because most homes around here cost a lot more than the council will pay) and, although it IS nice, she was effectively lumbered with it. By keeping all those savings the grandparents will be able to fund themselves somewhere they have chosen - and that money won't last long (in 2005/6 a year in a care home cost £21,112, multiply that by two people and by possibly many years of needing the care and that's all the money gone).

You would be much better off teaching your children about saving money, how to prepare simple and cheap meals for instance. Also teach them basic DIY and decorating skills - they'll be able to buy a cheaper place and do it up themselves then.

There were a lot of spoilt brats at university when I went, whose parents basically paid for everything. Mine paid me a (small) allowance and it was up to me to choose where to rent and how much work I did in term-time - whereas others could rent the most expensive rooms as Mummy and Daddy picked up the bill. Those were the kids who didn't do much work and spent most of the time drinking. Yes, by all means, save up to provide them with some support at university (this is assuming they want to go to uni - it's not the be-all and end-all) but they'll be much better off in the long run if they know how to work hard and save up for themselves, and also more employable as they will have done various student jobs and gained experience whilst doing it.

jamesd

azjh77 wrote: »

My Nan-in-law will leave all her money between her two sons (my FIL and my husband's uncle) however, my FIL lives on benefits, so he will 'use up' all the money because they will stop his benefits and then go back to benefits when it runs out (he's long term disabled).

One of the few useful things you can do here is to make sure that the Grandmother knows about discretionary trusts. She can leave the money to the FIL in a discretionary trust. The money going to the trust will be less the IHT bill. Because your FIL won't have control of the money it will not be taken into account for benefits. Meanwhile the trustees can use the money as they see fit to improve his life, with things like birthday and christmas gifts, housing improvements, many things so long as they don't simply pay a fixed monthly payment. Annual non-guaranteed payments up to the savings limit for benefits might also be doable to give him more direct day to day control. Discretionary trusts can also do things like purchase property for the use of the person they are for.

Discretionary trust setups for disabled family members are completely routine, so all IHT planners and lawyers she might consult should be aware of them.

Who gets the money and how it's done is entirely up to the grandmother but it's useful to let her know about an option she might use for any money she plans to leave to the FIL.

wherediditallgo

miss_bargainmad wrote: »

A woman I work with is in her 40's and is not saving for a pension and never has as she is going to get a share of her mum's house?

Should she be hung, drawn and quartered for thinking like this?

I bet you'd all give her some stick ie. vulture - she should provide for herself!!!

Glad to see I've started a debate - don't drive youselves to heart attacks by getting stress out over an internet post.

No, but she should be advised to think about her own future, rather than depend on someone else's.

I won't be driving myself to a heart attack or getting stressed out over an internet post. Knowing I haven't got a relative measuring me up for my coffin while I've still got a pulse & doing a shopping list for me to pay for has relaxed me no end. My relatives have their bad points (like everyones), but I can smile knowing they won't do that to me. Here's hoping your in-laws never find out about your plans for their future - whatever your intentions, I don't think they'll be as understanding as you seem to think people reading your posts should be.

peter999

wherediditallgo wrote: »

Here's hoping your in-laws never find out about your plans for their future - whatever your intentions, I don't think they'll be as understanding as you seem to think people reading your posts should be.

It could have very serious consequences, as they may not trust you, your words, your actions any further.

peter999

wherediditallgo

azjh77 wrote: »

I do understand where OP is coming from. My Nan-in-law will leave all her money between her two sons (my FIL and my husband's uncle) however, my FIL lives on benefits, so he will 'use up' all the money because they will stop his benefits and then go back to benefits when it runs out (he's long term disabled) while the uncle's money will be 'extra' for him. It makes sense to me to leave My FIL's half to my husband, who can then put it away for FIL to use whenever he wants (give him the bank card, but account in DH's name possibly?)- he doesn't spend a lot. I also worry about FIL being left with half of an IT bill, will he have to pay that? I would never suggest any of these things to my husband or his family, and feel terrible saying it here TBH, but just wanted OP to know others do think similarly.

Bring on the 'mercenary' quips!

No two siblings are going to take exactly the same paths in life - some marry & some don't, some have children & some don't, & some have good health & some spend more time ill than well. Maybe the nan-in-law will take the FIL's situation into account when she makes her bequest, & has said what she has because she doesn't want one of them feeling bad.

Yours is a very different situation from the OP's, not least of all because (a) you've had the manners not to remind everyone of the nan-in-law's mortality by discussing the inheritance when she's not even dead yet, & (b) you've shown consideration for your FIL & are thinking of ways for him to keep as much as he can of whatever he gets, given his situation.

Contrast that with the OP, who is actively discussing the situation with her OH, completely forgetting that discussing the inheritance means she's discussing the death of his parents. There's no mention of assisting the in-laws to make the most of their money, only rays of jealousy & greed beaming down like lasers on the will. Your situation is as different from the OP's as my figure is from Posh Spice's.

wherediditallgo

peter999 wrote: »

It could have very serious consequences, as they may not trust you, your words, your actions any further.

peter999

Absolutely. I'm the second youngest of 4 children. The oldest 2 are half-brothers - one's my dad's, & one's my mother's, & neither of them grew up with my younger brother & I, though we are in touch with them now. My mum told me ages ago that their estate will be divided between all 4 of us, because we are all their children. This despite one of the half-brothers being a millionaire & the other half-brother getting a large parcel of land from dad when I was a child which he then sold & wasted the proceeds of. I don't begrudge them a penny, & if they change their minds at a later date, there'll have been no pressure from me to make that happen. I'm the only one of the children who knows details about their solicitor, where the deeds to their home are etc, because mum said I'm the only one she'd trust to make sure all 4 of us got what they want us to have. Every time she brings the subject up, I end up crying because I don't want to think of them dying, but she has insisted that I'm kept up-to-date on everything they do financially.

When I had a lot of money troubles & decided to declare bankruptcy last month, I didn't tell my parents. My mother must have instinctively known something was wrong (we're very close) & sent me a £10k cheque a couple of weeks before my hearing date. Guess what? I still went ahead with the bankruptcy & the cheque is sitting uncashed in the same envelope it arrived in. When she comes here on holiday later this year (they live overseas), I'll give the cheque back to her. I have enough respect for myself & for my parents not to want to line my pockets at their expense. Maybe that's why they trust me so much. If I ever, even once, spoke the way the OP has, I think that trust would be gone for ever & they'd be extremely hurt.

blue_haddock

Mozette wrote: »

Anyone else hope they leave the lot to the dog's home or something, or am I the warped one here?

Thats evil but so so funny!

margaretclare

wherediditallgo wrote: »

I won't be driving myself to a heart attack or getting stressed out over an internet post.

Nor will I.

Knowing I haven't got a relative measuring me up for my coffin while I've still got a pulse & doing a shopping list for me to pay for has relaxed me no end.

LOL!

Here's hoping your in-laws never find out about your plans for their future - whatever your intentions, I don't think they'll be as understanding as you seem to think people reading your posts should be.

You'd better believe it. I would be straight on the phone to my solicitor, the will would be rewritten and every last penny-piece would be left to my favourite charity - and it isn't a cats' home. I'd also make sure the will stated exactly why (this is necessary to avoid will being contested by aggrieved survivors).

When we did equity release 4 years ago we were urged to tell our nearest-and-dearest what we were doing - some people are apparently aggrieved when parents do this because 'it reduces their inheritance'. The folks who make most song and dance about wanting an inheritance, I find, are not necessarily those who're scratching for every penny, but those who're doing well but feel they deserve a bit more, and why shouldn't it come from the old folks - after all they can't live for ever, any old care home will do, the grottier the better, and they can't take it with them. However, my daughter and DH's son and daughter expressed no interest whatever - 'it's yours, do what you like with it'.

Margaret