My kids will only ever own a property if their g/parents leave them massive amount

Rimo2021

code-a-holic wrote: »

I think you are very generous parents wanting to help your children on the ladder when the time comes. I hope i will be able to do the same for my children one day.

I think everyone here is agreed there is nothing wrong with being generous to your children and assisting them with a deposit if possible - the problem here is that the OP is being generous with someone else's money instead of her own.

Phirefly

In life in general I can't bear it when people complain they're hard done by. Property and everything related seems to really bring this out in people.

Grandmama

Last night's ITV production of the new S. Fry series Kingdom's storyline was about an inheritance. Brilliant ending. Nice twist.
On the personal side, I recently inherited a small sum of money. (I am now an OAP). In fact 6 members of the family all inherited equal shares from a non-blood relative. Despite the equality, down to the last penny, there is some jealousy as I am single and they are married. As they are married they felt they had to share with spouse whereas I have no one to share it with. With their weird thinking they feel that I should have had less to even things out! My answer to them is 'Tough' That's life. I bought the car I always wanted and will spend the rest in due course. I have made a will and they are not included.
Also a few years ago a friend came crying to me as she found that her Mother who she thought was well off only had £20,000 left in the bank and house was rented, not bought. She was crying as she had bought a house abroad as an investment fully expecting that when her Mother died (she was already 84) that the inheritance would pay it off.
Accept any inheritance as a bonus not as a right. I was very surprised at mine! Not at all expected. Parents died years ago and I received enough to buy a washing machine!

Rimo2021

Grandmama wrote: »

Despite the equality, down to the last penny, there is some jealousy as I am single and they are married. As they are married they felt they had to share with spouse whereas I have no one to share it with. With their weird thinking they feel that I should have had less to even things out!

Actually by their twisted logic you should have had more as their living costs should be much lower than yours per capita in that you have to finance your household alone whereas theirs is beween two.

Being single is an expensive business!!! (But it has it's rewards)

margaretclare

This kind of thing makes my blood boil. I've read through this thread, and also the comments on the 'Silver Savers' board where the thread was quoted. I thought I wouldn't add my fourpence because I can hardly contain my anger, so forgive me for plain speaking.

Your kids are 9 and 12, and you're worried about them 'getting on the property ladder'. I assume that means you want them to buy a house (sorry, but I think the very concept of a 'property ladder' is mistaken). Well, that could be at least 10 years down the line, possibly longer. If all you're worried about regarding your kids, is to 'get them on to the property ladder', you're barking up the wrong tree. I can think of numerous concerns that parents of a 9 and a 12 year old might have, long before the idea of the 'property ladder' comes up. Your youngest isn't even in high school yet! I would have thought, your main focus for the next few years would be to do your best to ensure they got the best possible education, had the motivation to profit from it, and acquired good strong values to see them through life and to ensure their standing on their own feet. With parents who look at the grandparents just as a means to an inheritance, they might find this difficult.

So what if the grandparents don't spend all their income. It's theirs, to spend or not as they choose. So they choose to live simply. Why shouldn't they, if that's what they want. So they could afford to go on expensive holidays, increasing their 'carbon footprint', go on world cruises (pul-leeeze!!) or whatever. It's their life, their money, and what they choose to do is entirely their business and no one else's.

Oddly enough DH and I have done what you'd like the grandparents to do - all that we have to leave when we've finished with it is planned to be split between 5 grandchildren, 3 of mine and 2 of his. There is a great disparity between the financial security of those 5. The eldest one was unemployed and homeless this time last year, now has a job and has recently moved into a council flat. I couldn't be more pleased for her. There'll be no whingeing from me about 'oh, you should have got on to the property ladder'! Provided she pays her rent and doesn't cause mayhem for her neighbours she'll be pretty secure, and I won't worry about her. The second one is a mature student at the university where I was a mature student, and I don't hear from him. The third is still living at home with her parents and attending college. The other 2 are unlikely to need one penny-piece from grandparents - Dad is a high-flyer. However, we've made sure all 5, although so different, are treated exactly alike.

We also live pretty simply. I think that's the best gift of life - having all we need, enough to be comfortable, still able to save (like your grandparents), but not too much. Not enough to have to worry about IHT, CGT and all the rest. We live simply, happily, and we haven't a care in the world. Too many people today can't say as much!

Leave the grandparents alone to make their own choices and decisions. I absolutely abhor all the talk of 'inheritance'. You don't get an inheritance until someone dies, and no one has a God-given entitlement to an inheritance. If I thought that anyone expected such a thing of me, as a right, was counting on it, I would make sure anything I left behind went to one of my favourite charities.

Margaret

Grandmama

Thanks Rimo2021, I had not thought of it that way. Now I can answer them back! Yes , I am a Mother but kids fully grown and they were two of the other ones that inherited! So no need to share it with them.

wherediditallgo

The post that started this thread, & some of the subsequent ones, disturbed me.

I concur with others - this seems to be about greed & expectation, laced with a liberal dose of jealousy. Inheritances are not an automatic right. My parents have a very nice home, but I neither have an expectation of what might come my way nor will I sink so low as to start totting up whether whatever they give me will meet any bills I might amass along the way. I'm funny like that - I'd prefer them alive rather than dead upping my bank balance or that of other family members. Their money/property is exactly that - theirs. What they choose to do with it is their business, & given the choice between an inheritance & having them alive & well, I'd sooner have them around.

I find it particularly sad that the OP seems to begrudge other family members for what use they may put any inheritance to. That's no more any of your business than is what your parents-in-law decide to do when the time comes. I suspect that if your BIL wanted children & couldn't have them, he'd rather have them than the 'spare' cash in the bank. From your point of view, the money should go to those most in need of it. From your BIL's point of view (& other observers), it could look like one brother was more loved than the other.

Owning a home is not the be all & all of life. If you feel that strongly about it, why not take out a loan yourself to pay for it, or put aside a certain amount each month from now so that by the time they need it they've got a healthy deposit? What's wrong with your children actually working & paying for it themselves? It's not for grandparents to provide for them, especially from the wrong side of the coffin. You seem to be mentally totting up a bill for them to meet. They've already paid out all they need to - they raised your husband, who thankfully seems to be a bit more aware of who should be paying for what. I'm appalled at the content of your posts, & if I was one of your family reading them, I'd be deeply hurt. If this is the way you behave over a possible inheritance that can only come your way through people dying, family that I would have assumed you love, I dread to think how you'd carry on if your parents-in-law won a large amount on the lottery. I can't believe you've actually raised the issue with your husband, never mind on an internet forum. :eek:

Whatever you say, this issue clearly rankles with you. Perhaps the biggest shame of the lot is that you can't see what you've already got that's priceless - children, a loving husband, grandparents alive to share the family. Their bank balance or the value of their property shouldn't even feature. The best thing the grandparents could leave your children would be a respect for the content of someone's heart & mind, rather than for the content of their current account.

margaretclare

There's a lot of mention about 'going on luxury cruises', as though that was the be-all and end-all, and a good way for the frugal-living grandparents to 'enjoy themselves'.

For some of us, the very thought of going on a luxury cruise is a vision of purgatory.

Margaret

amazamum

Hi,although you have your childrens good interests at heart,I have to agree with the others who don't think that its fair that your brother in law should not get his inheritence when the time comes.
I have 2 children(7 & 3),we own our house with 10 years left on the mortgage(although I would like it paid off before I am 40 in 7 years time),My parents are not particularly well off but have owned their home outright for the last 20 years and own a flat in the south due to an inheritence + have money in the bank.
My father has a good job abroad but due to his age(nearly 60)it probably won't last forever,so is saving towards his retirement.
My husband and I have in the past borrowed money from my parents to do jobs around the house but we are paying it back over time,so I know if we are ever stuck they will help up out which is really really appreciated believe me.:A
I have a brother who rents and doesn't have a wife or kids but know when the time comes,which I hope is not for a very,very,very,very long time we will divide everything equally 50/50 which is the way it should be and this alone will probably be around the same amount as your in laws.
I wouldn't dream of my kids getting in over him,they are my responsability and as such if I can help them when the time comes that is my choice.

Gingham_Ribbon

miss_bargainmad wrote: »

Am I being really unreasonable to want this for my children as they are the only two grandchildren in the family?

Yes.

I hope my parents spend what little they have enjoying themselves while they can. And I hope they spend a lot of years doing so. And I hope that they leave us, many years from now, with many more happy memories of time spent together.

And I hope my children work hard and make their own way in life with our love and support.