The Ultimate Incentive natters on. Part 9

clearmydebts

Dinah93 wrote: »

See her a week today I think it is, wish it were sooner, this is a definite low point. I just feel like this is ridiculous, I'm being asked to go to Paris for the day while her grandparents look after her, not to throw her in a pit of spikes and wild dogs while I go get teeth pulled while in a burning building.

(((Hugs))) - hope you are okay? You have left her before haven't you? Is it because you will be in another country that is making you so anxious?

I felt sick before I went to NY in Oct. I couldn't even get excited about it as everytime I looked at M & E i just wanted to cancel the trip. I think it was because it involved a flight. However, once I got on the plane I had a great time, because I knew they were with their Daddy, who loves them as much as me, and Nanna and extended family were also around. So that helped a lot xxx

Dinah93

I've never left her for more than 24 hours, or been more than a half hour drive away from her. It's the feeling that I can't get back to her if I need to, she's so far away. Plus my head still, every day thinks about what that stupid nurse told me when we thought she was going to die 'you don't know how long you have with her so make the most of every day, take her to feed the ducks, every child should feed the ducks just once'. Even though 95% of me doesn't think she has the condition now, the other 5% can't 'waste' time apart from her because if tomorrow or next year or even in 20 years something were to happen I'd have wanted to have spent every second with her.

clearmydebts

Also - myself and OH would like to go away for 2 nights this year but we said we aren't ready for both of us to be out of the country with the kids. If we go, it will be somewhere close to home. He is going to London in a few months though for a weekend though, and I will probably go on a girlie weekend away to the UK.

clearmydebts

Dinah93 wrote: »

I've never left her for more than 24 hours, or been more than a half hour drive away from her. It's the feeling that I can't get back to her if I need to, she's so far away. Plus my head still, every day thinks about what that stupid nurse told me when we thought she was going to die 'you don't know how long you have with her so make the most of every day, take her to feed the ducks, every child should feed the ducks just once'. Even though 95% of me doesn't think she has the condition now, the other 5% can't 'waste' time apart from her because if tomorrow or next year or even in 20 years something were to happen I'd have wanted to have spent every second with her.

I don't think you should go if you feel this anxious about leaving her. Like someone else said, can you go to London and have drinks with them for the night and then come back home?

clearmydebts

I am going to go for €3000. It should be doable if OH gets off his behind and sells his drumkit. If he doesn't, I will fail miserably. I am going to try and sell some things and also cut back on outgoings, buying things for all of us.

If I achieve it, I will have my OD paid off and money paid towards another credit card.

Fingers crossed!

Cinny91

DINAAAAH! If you want that anti-roll thing, I have one on my hope shelf (too english and frugal to go buy a proper hope chest for the sake of a word ) It's brand new, I just got it for £2 on eBay If you want it message me on Facebook (I get notifications so my phone will buzz!) I'll take it with me to town, so you'll get it sooner rather than later if you want it. Will mean you can rest a little easier So sorry you're feeling down still, sending lots of hugs.

I just put on my thread I'm aiming for £400 this month, so hell to it. I'll go for £800! Will mean our needed savings will be banked a month early. I can go for that Ours will just be for our annual car bills and OH's wage flip. Exciting

At work being cheeky so I'll hopefully catch up on the thread later. I'll just say one thing - GET DEM SHOES GURL!! (at Birdie, obviously )

Tete_en_l'Air

Dinah93 wrote: »

I've never left her for more than 24 hours, or been more than a half hour drive away from her. It's the feeling that I can't get back to her if I need to, she's so far away. Plus my head still, every day thinks about what that stupid nurse told me when we thought she was going to die 'you don't know how long you have with her so make the most of every day, take her to feed the ducks, every child should feed the ducks just once'. Even though 95% of me doesn't think she has the condition now, the other 5% can't 'waste' time apart from her because if tomorrow or next year or even in 20 years something were to happen I'd have wanted to have spent every second with her.

What an irresponsible thing for a nurse to say! You will always think that about anyone who dies, whatever their age and no matter how good you were to them when they were alive - you will always think you could have done more/been better - it's the human condition.

Much as I like the sentiment of living each day as thought it's your last, realistically you just can't - the bills wouldn't get paid, the washing up wouldn't get done... you can't let that take over your whole life, you need a balance.

I'm not saying you must go to Paris - do what you feel, but don't pay any more attention to that stupid nurse's words. But do seek help, you don't want to suffocate poor Gracie when she's older :kisses3:

Birdie85

Oooh good luck with the targets girls!

Even though it's not March yet I've got £5 for the pot. Went for tea with my friends last night and we were all set to pay when I realised I've got a priviledge card for the bar we were in so made them swipe it and we got 25% knocked off the bill! :T

I've got a list of things to make a start on tonight and tomorrow so I can take the plunge and open an Etsy shop. The only people who buy things may well be my Mum and MIL but at least I'll have tried!

Totally agree with Tete too, we should *all* be living like today is our last day but sadly life gets in the way and it's just not possible to do so.

clearmydebts

How are you Dinah? I was worried about you this morning

MagicCat

Hugs Dinah, really sorry you've been feeling so upset.

I don't have children myself, (so cue useless advice from someone who can have no real idea of what you're going through!) but have been lucky enough to have people close to me who do, and it does seem to me that there is no set timetable for when you feel right to leave the little one - some people are comfortable to do so at a certain point, some people aren't. The most important thing is to do what feels right for you and Grace - it's a shame that the hen do fell now when you don't feel comfortable going, but one day it will feel right and you'll both be fine. I always think no real good ever comes of making yourself do what you think you ought to enjoy when deep down every nerve in your body tells you it is wrong. You've been through such a lot with Grace, feeling you ought to feel/behave a certain way just adds more stress. That said, getting support if you feel you need it is important, but wanting to stay with your little one rather than go away to a hen do isn't right or wrong, it's just what will make you feel happy and that is ultimately what is going to be best for you and Grace.

Take care of yourself