Brother & SIL woes

red_devil

AMILLIONDOLLARS wrote: »

Give him a call, he is your brother, if anything should happen to him you would regret not doing so.? Life is too short to hold a grudge.

AMD

life is also to short to try and forge relationships with people when it dosent work out whether that be friends or family.

stir_crazy

You should call him. Blood is thicker than water after all.

As for the cards issue, I have 3 brothers and have yet to receive one from any of them, because they just don't see the significance of cards. We also don't phone each other regularly and it can be months before we see one another. When we are together, we have a very good relationship, and I know I can call them if I need them or want to share news.

Maybe I've missed the point of your post here, but it seems like your brother has just decided to live his own life and doesn't *think* to contact you unless he has something to say. The only issue here seems to be your SIL, but it doesn't mean that you need to let your relationship with your brother go. Maybe you just need to accept how he is and work on your relationship when you are in contact.

daska

To be fair, blokes often rely on their other halves to remember when birthdays are and what's important. So if these things aren't important to his wife that isn't necessarily an accurate reflection of how he feels.

Grab the olive branch. Call him.

mazza111

I'd say olive branch too.

My SIL was always a bit strange, the type that walks as if she's got a bad smell under her nose and thought she was better than everyone else. After 30 years of marriage, she's finally coming round and feels more comfortable in our company.

I've always been on speaking terms with her, but there have been many times I've had to bite my tongue to save family relations.

He's your brother and I'm sure you can keep it pleasant for his sake, even if his wife can't. Good luck

PS. Remember it's the season of good will while making your decision

Person_one

I don't believe in 'blood is thicker than water'.

If you weren't related to your brother and SIL would you want to be friends? Would you like them? Enjoy their company?

I'd ask yourself, what do you get out of the relationship now? What would you hope to get out of it in the future and what are the chances of that actually happening.

I'd be irked too if somebody who'd never shown any interest in my life or family expected me to be excited about theirs, regardless of DNA.

red_devil

Person_one wrote: »

I don't believe in 'blood is thicker than water'.

If you weren't related to your brother and SIL would you want to be friends? Would you like them? Enjoy their company?

I'd ask yourself, what do you get out of the relationship now? What would you hope to get out of it in the future and what are the chances of that actually happening.

I'd be irked too if somebody who'd never shown any interest in my life or family expected me to be excited about theirs, regardless of DNA.

exactly just cos they are family dosent mean they can treat you as you wish and you will will always be there.Family is so overated.

You wouldnt bother if it was a friend so why bother cos its your brother.

scooby088

I can relate in a sort of way, I have a sister who only wanted to know me when she wanted something, I was walked over for years until my OH made me realise that and made me stand up to her, she didn't like it and made up all sorts to get people to not like me.

In the end I thought it best to not to stay in touch and the last time I saw her to speak to was nearly 3 years ago, can't say I miss the drama and trouble she brought to the door. OP live your life for your own family and forget anything to do with your brother. As someone else has said families are over rated.

troubleinparadise

I'd phone him - as that's all that's really required anyway. It isn't going to mean that you suddenly start spending holidays together, is it? All you'll be doing is phoning him, and hopefully being able to congratulate him on becoming a father.

Then following the previous pattern, all will go quiet again until the safe arrival. Another phone call of congratulations, then silence again.... Status quo!

Person_one

troubleinparadise wrote: »

Also, you mention that this involved IVF donor eggs - so assuming the news is to make a happy announcement, the baby will be part his, and part "A N Other's" won't it? So your congratulations can be genuinely happy for your brother, without involving any false emotions with regard to SIL.

Yikes, if the OP were going to take that attitude I'd definitely advise her not to call! That's incredibly offensive to the SIL, no matter what the history.

balletshoes

red_devil wrote: »

i would not bother.At the end of the day if you do not get on with your brothers wife then you have lost him. His priority at the end of the day should be her and will be and rightly so.

Harsh maybe but true.

As her brother has called her, I don't necessarily think its true in this case - yet.