What's the ideal gap between children?

MushyPeas

Read an article in the DMail today warning women of having children in quick succession - I know, the DM is not a nice rag, it's my daily guilt trip!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2241948/As-Lily-Allen-Peaches-Geldof-pregnant-just-months-giving-birth-mother-warns-push-marriage-health-sanity-brink.html

I'm (about to be) a first time mum and already people are already asking - when's the next? Gosh, let me have one at least :rotfl:

Anyway, the article did get me thinking - how long should you wait? Have any of you had children with a short gap and was it as bad as the article makes out?

Gillyx

I only have one so I have no experience. Every age gap will have it's pros and cons. Someone else pointed me in the direction of this link.

http://www.thealphaparent.com/2012/07/what-no-one-tells-you-about-child.html

For us I think we'd like around 2.5 years, but it doesn't always work like that, I had a brilliant pregnancy but who's to say it'l be the same next time? I think you just cope with what you have and no gap is better than another.

Bean_Counter

I can see that I may be the odd one out but we have 10 1/2 months between our two (not out of choice!) It was not as bad as people are making out and has had a few advantages.

For example you are already up to speed with doing nappies, steralising bottles etc so do not need to go through all the learning curve again. They played with the same toys and have grown up very close together and still play well together to this day as they have a lot of the same interests.

MushyPeas

Thanks Gillyx, a really useful link though the side effects for a small gap - for the mother - were slightly scary to read!

Alikay, I grew up in a family where it was always 3 years gap (seems to be what nature intended). I hadn't come across that term either, but I'm sure you didn't mean harm by using it

I wonder if men have a different perception to women?

MushyPeas

Bean counter - lovely to hear some positives as well I guess you can't always plan these things!

Gillyx

Another thing I'd say, not long after my son was born I could easily have tried for another, but now the older he is becoming the bigger bond we are getting, I love the way we are at the moment, and how responsive he is now. If I thought I was going to have another in say 4 or 5 months I'd be quite sad, as I want more time just us two.

penguin83

I am trying both ways so will let you know! There are 2 years and 10 days between my first two and I am now expecting my third and there will be an 8 and 10 year age gap. x

jediquigley

I have just one at the moment who is 4 months old, I plan to breastfeed till a year then if we decide on a second start trying for a second when our first is a year and a half. I think it's a good idea to get healthy and fit again after your first. Also think about childcare remember you will get 15 hours free for 3 years old which you need to think about if finances are tight. Also you can't predict how long it will take you to conceive a second so it's hard to time exactly.

All the best for the birth of your baby

Laura

kingfisherblue

There is seven years between my first and second, and 19 months between second and third. The larger age gap is easier in many ways, but harder in terms of holidays, days out, etc. My middle child is disabled, and now that they are older, the youngest likes different things to the middle one and the middle one still enjoys 'younger' activities.

There is no easy answer, but as long as you love your children and treat them equally, things usually work out.

OP, good luck with your new baby. I hope he or she brings you as much joy as my children bring me.

MushyPeas

Thank you for all the posts to this thread, it's really interesting to read people's experiences and comments.

I guess ultimately (apart from 3 year gap) there is no ideal, unless you're def. a 'get pregnant at drop of a hat' type lady sometimes nature decides when you have the next one!

Thanks also for good luck wishes for first baby, not long now

Hezzawithkids

There is no such thing as "ideal". Talking about it suggests that these things can be planned down to the last detail via some sort of spreadsheet formula. Anyone who has tried and failed for years to have their second child and suffered multiple miscarriages and all kinds of trauma both physical and mental throughout the process will tell you that any age gap is the "ideal" one.

Bringing a child into the world is a deeply personal experience, as well as being a blessing and a privilege. It shouldn't be subject to anyone else's notions of 'appropriate' timelines.