Dad dilemma :(

Scotsbride

as a middle ground could ou not get a tie in the same colour as the cravat.

floss2

Or why not have both dads in ties the same, & groom and best man in cravats? Then the dads look the same, and also won't be mistaken for either groom or best man

cabriolean

What about a clip on, worn only for photos.

McKneff

Scotsbride wrote: »

as a middle ground could ou not get a tie in the same colour as the cravat.

Excellent advice.

And OP, think yourself lucky that you have a dad to come to your wedding and take you down the aisle.

Lots of daughters don't.

yellowcrocus

A slightly controversial view but I just don't get the attraction of forcing people into outfits that they feel uncomfortable in for the sake of conformity. As someone with very particular taste I know that it's horrible wearing something that you feel doesn't suit you. My wedding party are all stylish individuals but they are so completely different that one outfit would never suit them all. Personally I like a wedding where there is an overriding theme- a colour palette, for example- but within that everyone is allowed to choose their own outfit. That way, everyone is relaxed and comfortable and ready to enjoy their day. If I was you I would ask your Dad to wear a tie in a coordinating colour, he will still match, he will be happy, and you can get on with planning your wedding. There are things more important in life than whether someone wears a cravat!

Soubrette

yellowcrocus wrote: »

A slightly controversial view but I just don't get the attraction of forcing people into outfits that they feel uncomfortable in for the sake of conformity. As someone with very particular taste I know that it's horrible wearing something that you feel doesn't suit you. My wedding party are all stylish individuals but they are so completely different that one outfit would never suit them all. Personally I like a wedding where there is an overriding theme- a colour palette, for example- but within that everyone is allowed to choose their own outfit. That way, everyone is relaxed and comfortable and ready to enjoy their day. If I was you I would ask your Dad to wear a tie in a coordinating colour, he will still match, he will be happy, and you can get on with planning your wedding. There are things more important in life than whether someone wears a cravat!

Out of interest, what would you do if say the palette was say, cadbury purple and someone important in the wedding party said that that colour made them look awful and they weren't going to wear it?

I think the OP is in a difficult position, it is not her that wants her dad to wear the cravat, it's the Groom. I know I wouldn't be happy during our wedding if I felt my partner was a little disappointed, I would want the day to be something that he looks back on with delight too. He's more entitled to want to feel the day went how he wanted it than her Dad is, imo.

yellowcrocus

Cadbury purple is not a palette, it's a colour! A palette would be a collection of coordinating colours in which hopefully you would find something to suit everyone. I think the more reign you give people to chose their own outfit the less likely you are to encounter this type of problem. And how much nicer is it to have a day where people look like the fanciest version of themselves than like an awkward row of shop mannequins? Like I said though, I realise this is a controversial view when it comes to weddings.

As McKneff said, the OP and her OH are lucky enough to have a Dad/ FIL who is alive, well and supportive of the wedding, which is more than many. Who cares what he wears?

Soubrette

yellowcrocus wrote: »

Cadbury purple is not a palette, it's a colour! A palette would be a collection of coordinating colours in which hopefully you would find something to suit everyone. I think the more reign you give people to chose their own outfit the less likely you are to encounter this type of problem. And how much nicer is it to have a day where people look like the fanciest version of themselves than like an awkward row of shop mannequins? Like I said though, I realise this is a controversial view when it comes to weddings.

As McKneff said, the OP and her OH are lucky enough to have a Dad/ FIL who is alive, well and supportive of the wedding, which is more than many. Who cares what he wears?

Well the groom cares what he wears and even a collection of coordinating colours means that you are restricting, even if in a small way, what people are able to wear.

I'm asking, genuinely, how would you feel if someone said no to all the coordinating colours saying that that range doesn't suit them - would you just say - well I don't care, come in what you want or would you be a bit disappointed?

yellowcrocus

Soubrette: first of all I would try hard to give enough options so that that wasn't an issue. If anyone was really insistent that the options where unacceptable I would work hard with that person to find an option that would work for both of us. If not a cravat, for example, then a tie. Or a bow-tie, a waistcoat, or just a button hole and hankie in a pocket. If not purple, then black, silver, hot pink, lilac or sage green. Something that would pick up one element of the theme and co-ordinate, rather than matching exactly.

I HATE wearing clothes I haven't chosen. What I want for everyone on my day is to for them to feel fabulous and to have a great day, not arrive feeling resentful that I have stuffed them into something they are uncomfortable in and to feel self conscious for the rest of the day!

Soubrette

yellowcrocus wrote: »

Soubrette: first of all I would try hard to give enough options so that that wasn't an issue. If anyone was really insistent that the options where unacceptable I would work hard with that person to find an option that would work for both of us. If not a cravat, for example, then a tie. Or a bow-tie, a waistcoat, or just a button hole and hankie in a pocket. If not purple, then black, silver, hot pink, lilac or sage green. Something that would pick up one element of the theme and co-ordinate, rather than matching exactly.

I HATE wearing clothes I haven't chosen. What I want for everyone on my day is to for them to feel fabulous and to have a great day, not arrive feeling resentful that I have stuffed them into something they are uncomfortable in and to feel self conscious for the rest of the day!

I totally agree with the bit on bold and I applaud the lengths you would go to to try and help out a guest, but in the end what if there is no option that works for both of you, is it still ok for someone to decide that they will be doing their own thing no matter what the groom (in this instance, normally it's the bride) wants?