Dad dilemma :(

daffodil

Hi

I have had depression badly too. If wearing a cravat would make you happy, then, if I was your dad I would wear it. I appreciate how much pressure your dad must feel under. Tell him to wear it because it will make you happy and by making you happy he will feel happier himself. Dont forget that another man is taking you away from your dad - he probably has many mixed feelings going on inside him at the moment.
Sit him down and talk to him gently and ask him gently how he feels about your marriage, does he like your husband to be, but most importantly - will he miss you? I will bet if you ask a few of these types of questions very gently he will end up in floods of tears and you will hug each other like never before
I am a psychologist and I know from personal experience just what it feels like to entrust your precious child to someone elses care.
It will all be ok - hope you will be very happy together - the three of you.

cats2012

This is all so helpful guys thank you.

I always thought my dad and my oh got on so i don't think that's it, plus I've lived away from home for years and parents are 20 mins down the road so i see them every week. But you're right he will course be sad.

Parents are together yes, my poor mum gets the brunt of all dads crazy rants (not physical or anything just to clarify!!) when he's not happy which is why im trying to not put any more pressure on her.

My oh is now questioning whether my dad will be fit to do a speech etc as hes so socially awkward at the moment, making jokes about inappropriate things etc (eg ohs job). This is a nightmare :-(

PinkPrincess83

Why dont you go shopping with your Dad and ask him to try just try a cravat on- if hes never worn one he may assume its horrid to wear- but he may try it on and realise its actually not that different (not that Ive ever worn one but I cant imagine the feeling being that different!!). If he tries it on and really doesnt like it then could you maybe get him to try a tie on in the same material/ colour as the other cravats and see if he would really look much different.

I fully understand doing what you want on your day (we did this for our day), but personally for me, given the choice out of having my dad give me away and not matching the other groomsmen or walking down the aisle with someone else or on my own I know which option I would go for.

nickyhutch

Your Dad sounds to have enough on his plate without feeling forced to wear something he doesn't want to. Would you really be happy on the big day to see him sat there, knowing he's not entirely comfortable, just so that everyone "matches"? Give the poor man a break.

Torry_Quine

I've never heard of the father having to match, sorry I just don't get why it matters. The groom and best-man match and that's it as far as I was aware.

kerri_gt

PinkPrincess83 wrote: »

Why dont you go shopping with your Dad and ask him to try just try a cravat on- if hes never worn one he may assume its horrid to wear- but he may try it on and realise its actually not that different (not that Ive ever worn one but I cant imagine the feeling being that different!!). If he tries it on and really doesnt like it then could you maybe get him to try a tie on in the same material/ colour as the other cravats and see if he would really look much different.

Exactly what I was going to suggest. My OH hates ties / suits etc - jst doesn't feel comfortable in them (I think his words are 'like a stuffed chicken') but he was actually ok with a cravat for our wedding. Would your dad perhaps compromise and wear the cravat for the service and photos, then take it off for the rest of the day?

Sambucus_Nigra

It's a cravat.

In the greater scheme of things - it really will not make a difference to the day.

cats2012

Thanks guys, couple of slightly blunt comments but good to hear! Unfortunately i think this a lot bigger than a cravat and my dad is properly dreading the day, so compromising on that is now the least of my worries!

But thank you everyone you have helped so much :-)

mountainofdebt

I too have to admit I don't 'get' half the things that seem to be important to todays brides but hey ho.

OP instead of being coming over as confrontational why don't you have a daughter-dad only chat about the wedding? If you know there are bits of the day that he's freaking out about, surely both of you can come to some sort of alternative arrangements so that the day is enjoyable for you and your OH as well as both of your parents and you never know the issue of the cravat may just be the cataylist of all the other worries he has.

nickyhutch

If he's "properly dreading the day" then cut him some slack and let him wear what he wants to. You want him to enjoy it, don't you?