I just can't cope anymore

cantcope

buddiebabe wrote: »

Im so glad i came on here instead of doing what my first thought was and gamble.... iv found that quite hard today.

I hope you managed the whole evening without gambling. That will only make you feel worse. Just for today xx

buddiebabe

cantcope wrote: »

I hope you managed the whole evening without gambling. That will only make you feel worse. Just for today xx

well i went to bed after my last message on here so i managed a full night without gambling.

I had a great nights sleep and it was only when i went to get up i realised that something was wrong and i feel terrible. I've not managed to eat anything yesterday and im feeling really sick and really tired.

I really thought i would have heard from him last night but i didn't. So its unlikely that he will contact me now. I still cant believe this is happening. Im just finding it really hard as i don't have any answers and im really unlikely to now and its so hard.

Snaggles

Well done on not gambling first of all, that's brilliant.

It's horrible when you wake up and for a few seconds everything seems normal and then you remember......

But these feelings wont last for ever, it's like a sort of bereavement, you have to go through the whole range of emotions, the numbness, the heartbreaking sadness, the anger, and then eventually the acceptance.

Keep posting, look after yourself and try and eat something, even if it's just a piece of toast.

Toto

And no matter how tempting it is, don't give him the satisfaction of contacting him. Well done for not gambling, that really will only make things worse. If gambling is a problem for you this would be a fantastic time to go to GA, you will find tons of support there and will make new friends.

I know life feels empty right now, but take it one minute at a time, get a bit of toast, like snaggles said, sleep when you need to, cry when you need to. Just keep breathing, eating and sleeping and let time do the rest.

Rimmer

I'm sorry for your situation but you have to be honest. He was in the wrong for lying to you and you were in the wrong for being so trusting. If you hadn't trusted him so much then you wouldn't have got hurt.

You need to be honest about these things. I've not been in your situation in terms of personal life, but I made a right co*k-up of my professional life and I'm only doing something I enjoy now after about six years of finding my feet. I was also very unhappy during this time and felt very low.

But I pulled myself up and and I feel so much better for having hit such a low.

This should apply to you too. Realise your mistakes, don't make them again, take some responsibility for the mess you're in and don't settle for anything less than what can make you happy!

SortingIt_2

Hello Buddiebabe,

It really sounds like you have gone through it of late but always remember it's not your fault! I experience a break up coming up 3 yrs ago now, my then boyfriend at the time took me away and mad a massive deal of a proposal to me infront of 100's for me to only find out 2 mths later that he had been cheating on me before, during and after my engagement!! I was beside myself and thought that life would never be the same but somehow I fought through it and now I have been with my new (perfect) partner for nearly 2 years, we have moved in together and are making plans for the future. You will have that too, time is a great healer.
I know it's easier said than done but my main way of getting through it all was turning all the bad things into good things such as.... not having to think about someone else, make plans, go out with friends, flirt a little with no ties.... all the things you can not do. Remember from this though, its not bad to be a little selfish and think of number one, put yourself first, make yourself happy and somewhere down the line you'll be looking back at this and laughing, thinking what was I doing!!! I did, and it's really funny how you look back on things and realise just how bad a person treated you but because you were in it at the time you just don't see it!
Good luck, this is your new future and however hard it seems right now, it WILL get better and you WILL be ok.
Big hugs xx

cocalls

i'm so sorry to hear about this but please don't dwell on him he's obviously not worth it.

However, what i'd love to know is what was he getting out of this relationship-if he hadn't seen you for 5 years it obviously wasn't a sexual relationship (apologies i don't mean to sound crude)yet there must have been something that he liked in you to keep you stringing along and to keep in contact. He obviously needed you to either boost his ego or you made him feel safe or something. Please bare that in mind. Please don't feel down about it its obviosly not your fault.

dreams_R_free

Buddiebabe I'm just adding my little bit to what everyone else has so wisely said. And sending you lots of virtual hugs too.

You did the best possible thing by coming on here and opening up to all the kind and caring folk who will give you what that loser of a 'boyfriend' never did......respect and support.

Don't let your experiences with him harden your heart to all the other possibilities and genuine people out there. There will be someone for you, I know it. It may take a while to find him but with a caring and trusting nature like yours you will make some man unbelievably happy one day.

Think of all the positives if you can. At least you didn't make a commitment of marriage and possibly children with the louse. My sister longed for children but her then husband refused point blank so they remained childless but seemingly happy for 14 years. Then out of the blue she discovered that he'd been having a long-term affair and the woman had borne his child. In his many absences (so-called work) from my sister he was playing very happy families with his girlfriend and son:eek:. My sister divorced him but it took her a few years before she could trust anyone enough to marry them. Unfortunately by then she had difficulty conceiving and never had children of her own. But she was 41 by then and you are still a girl in comparison. You've all the time in the world on your side. Just be patient and all will be well in the end.

buddiebabe

cocalls wrote: »

i'm so sorry to hear about this but please don't dwell on him he's obviously not worth it.

However, what i'd love to know is what was he getting out of this relationship-if he hadn't seen you for 5 years it obviously wasn't a sexual relationship (apologies i don't mean to sound crude)yet there must have been something that he liked in you to keep you stringing along and to keep in contact. He obviously needed you to either boost his ego or you made him feel safe or something. Please bare that in mind. Please don't feel down about it its obviosly not your fault.

Thats what makes it so hard and easy to justify it at the time. I mean he wasn't getting anything out of the relationship just phone calls and text messages... i still don't understand or think for a minute i ever will.

cocalls

Talk not of wasted affection, affection never was wasted,
If it enrich not the heart of another, its waters returning
Back to their springs, like the rain shall fill them full of refreshment;
That which the fountain sends forth returns again to the fountain.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)