I just can't cope anymore

buddiebabe

I found out that the person id been seeing is not the person i thought they were. They have lied about everything.

I met someone at work (in a pub) eight years ago and seven years ago we started going out. I only ever say him at weekends but things were good. Anyway he told me he worked for the MOD and as a result of that had been posted down to England and was constantly away doing various jobs.

There was nothing that made me suspect otherwise. I've not seen him for over 5 years but we kept in touch through MSN, photo messages, text messages and phone calls (which wasn't really enough and was hard but he was due to leave the MOD this year) well this is what he's told me and we'd be able to start our life together.

Anyway i get a phone call today from his mobile (which is actually my phone) from his long term girlfriend of 10 years that he lives with. (at this point he's sleeping upstairs at their house) Wanting to know who i was, how long id been seeing him and what was going on. Well i knew nothing about any of this....

I REALLY SHOULD HAVE SUSPECTED SOMETHING.... HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID ??????

I have no idea what to do. I have stuff here that i bought for him for xmas and birthdays that he's not been given. He has my phone, keys for my house and photos....

I know the warning signs should have been there especially when he couldn't get any time off to come and see me he had an answer for everything but i didn't for a minute expect anything like this. I have wasted the last seven years of my life waiting for him to come home we'd talked about my debts and he was going to help me out and now im left with nothing at all.... not even any self respect.

The worst of it is he is living only 40 mins away that if he'd really wanted to see me he could of... i don't know what hurts more

How could i not realise that he'd been telling me a pack of lies, how stupid am i????

Everyone at work and on here must think im an idiot... i know i do im so ashamed i fell for his lies

I've taken 2nite off my 2nd job as i cant face anyone (so im the one thats losing out the money again) and i've had to use a holiday from my main job today :mad:

I just needed to talk to someone and everyone on here listens and is so friendly. Sorry for the depressing post, although im sure there are alot of people that will find it quite funny that i was so stupid... i know i probably would if it wasn't happening to me

Buddiebabe x

Toto

Aww I'm so sorry youre going through this. Sometimes we are blind to the signs, I'm sure each and every one of us here can tell a tale of when we 'should' have known something was wrong but didn't. Go easy on yourself, the guy concerned is obviously one of those sh*ts who give men a bad name.

You need to worry about you now and not about what you should or shouldn't have known. I would be really hurt too in your position, it's a huge betrayal. So, gather up all of his things and drop them round to his house, dump them on the doorstep in the middle of the night if you need to (or better still get someone else to do it) Get this crap out of your life and open it up for somone who will give you what you deserve from life.

kathfisch

Big (((hugs))) for you Buddiebabe.

I don't think you're stupid at all... you're obviously a caring and trusting person who doesn't think the worst all the time - that's something to be proud of. Of course once you find out it all seems so obvious but you didn't suspect anything at the time so it can't have been obvious. You are not stupid at all!!

I know you feel like you're left with nothing (and another person who you feel close to is always a big thing to lose) but really you are much better off than you were - he does not sound like the kind of partner you'd want if he's capable of that. You might not feel it now but it does get easier with time... feel free to rant as much as you want

buddiebabe

Toto wrote: »

You need to worry about you now and not about what you should or shouldn't have known. I would be really hurt too in your position, it's a huge betrayal. So, gather up all of his things and drop them round to his house, dump them on the doorstep in the middle of the night if you need to (or better still get someone else to do it) Get this crap out of your life and open it up for somone who will give you what you deserve from life.

Thanks. I would love to do that but i don't even know where he lives which is probably for the best

looby75

((((hugs)))) hindsight is is 20/20, you haven't been stupid you have just been trusting.

I know how much it hurts though, when I found out my ex had been having an affair I felt just like you do now and every now and again I still get a flash of "how could I be so bloody stupid" but it gets less and less.

buddiebabe

kathfisch wrote: »

Big (((hugs))) for you Buddiebabe.

I don't think you're stupid at all... you're obviously a caring and trusting person who doesn't think the worst all the time - that's something to be proud of. Of course once you find out it all seems so obvious but you didn't suspect anything at the time so it can't have been obvious. You are not stupid at all!!

I know you feel like you're left with nothing (and another person who you feel close to is always a big thing to lose) but really you are much better off than you were - he does not sound like the kind of partner you'd want if he's capable of that. You might not feel it now but it does get easier with time... feel free to rant as much as you want

I just cant stop crying and i feel physically sick. I really need to stop being so caring and trusting cause i cant take this anymore. Its making me ill.

cantcope

I am so sorry you have been let down so badly. This man is definitely not worth your tears and especially not worth you losing your self respect.

Love can be so blind. Don't feel stupid he has treated you, and his other partner diabollically. (terrible spelling).

Revenge is sweet, but wouldnt you feel better not letting him know how much he has hurt you. Tell him that you are fine and that you suspected all along. Never let him know how hurt you are.

Leave this lowlife behind and look forward to a bright future. You will find someone that does have time to see you...and you alone.

Please please dont believe any more lies he tries to feed you.
I wish you well.

Lyns x

libra10

I would stick his stuff on Ebay - he certainly wouldn't get it back.

Good luck for the future

beanielou

What an auful thing to find out.
Huggles.

Bambywamby

Just wondering...have you actually not seen him for 5 years (as stated in your post) but still go out with him?

buddiebabe

I know i should count myself luck i only really saw him for a while and the rest was all just texts and phone calls (at least i don't live with him). I thought id found my soul mate.

I don't believe for one minute that i will hear from him again (although when his girlfriend phoned he took the phone and said will speak later) but i dont see that happening... i mean how could he even try and get out of the lies he's told me!

My ex cheated on me and he saw how much i was hurt by that and promised never to hurt me but all along he's been living just 40 mins away making stupid excuses :mad: