I just can't cope anymore

smashedbooboo

Muppet. I know that. But to us girlies your our virtual fella. see buddiebabe. we cheer each other up. I had a blip a while ago. I put up a thread and everyone was there for me. As we are for each other. I was at my nether end that night. But this lot pulled me up again. Please dont fret hun. You deserve better. But look to yourself first. Take time, enjoy yourself. Life is to short to waste on wasters xxxxx

hypno06

Now then Buddiebabe, I hope you have been listening to everything that everyone above has been saying.....

so, now, stand up tall and hold your head up high and do not for one moment think that you are anything other than a good and trusting person.

You are worth a squillion of him, and you know it, so go out there girl and enjoy life. Be strong x

Prudent

I am so sorry. It is very hard when you find out someone you love and trust isn't what you thought they were. Be kind to yourself. People like this are skilled liars and manipultors. It is ok to have some time off - you have had a major shock.

Don't feel in the wrong. I was with someone for 15 years (married for 10) who systematically lied and decieved me and other women. He consistently tried to convince me I was unreasonable or paranoid and blaming me for putting stress on the relationship. Eventually when I confronted him when I found him with extreme pronography of teenagers he left. I was left in the awful position of making a report to the police and would come home from work with my young dd to the press on the doorstep. (He is a head teacher hence press interest) I lost all confidence in my ability to judge people. I felt so totally stupid. It took a long time before I could feel ok with myself about it. Remember it is he who has behaved wrongly, not you. Yes it easy easy to see clues retrospectively- but we can't spend our lives distrusting those with love.

ZTD

smashedbooboo wrote: »

Muppet.

smashedbooboo wrote: »

I know that. But to us girlies your our virtual fella.

I just need to find a girly to be my virtual girl..

(.) (.) =

smashedbooboo wrote: »

see buddiebabe. we cheer each other up. I had a blip a while ago. I put up a thread and everyone was there for me. As we are for each other. I was at my nether end that night. But this lot pulled me up again. Please dont fret hun. You deserve better. But look to yourself first. Take time, enjoy yourself. Life is to short to waste on wasters xxxxx

Exactly.

smashedbooboo

I ill be your virtual girl hun. Just call me miss piggy. Much better looking though.

oops_a_daisy

you have done nothing wrong hun but I know what you are going through - had it done to me for 8 years and it ended when I was 29 and I thought I was passed it and that I had wasted all those years. Im 39 :eek: now and believe me I would much rather be 29. I had nightmares for years, went down to 6 1/2 stone and was pretty much a zombie for a long time - dont put yourself through this he really isnt worth it. But then a little thing called karma came around and he had also been a bit of a naughty boy ( that is me putting it nicely ) with his business and ended up in prison for fraud for 18 months
It will take time but they are not all like that and even though you did nothing wrong I know that is little consolation right now. Try not to be so hard on yourself there are good ones out there.

buddiebabe

Thanks for all your kind words. Been sitting watching tv and trying not to cry but the smallest thing sets me off.

Your all very kind and your replies have set me off again. Can hardly see for crying.....

Everyone has been really supportive and non judgemental.... i've had a few phone calls and texts from people at work wanting to know if i was ok which has been nice... all resulting in tears but i do feel better for it.

I've taken the pictures down i had up and put them in a drawer and i'll deal with them when im feeling a bit stronger. There are so many things i've bought that we would both have liked but never used as he's not been here so im going to have all that stuff to get rid of on ebay along with the contents of the wardrobe and all the presents i had bought for him (i think i deserve the money). I just feel really sorry for the one that has been with him for 10years as she's had her suspicions for the last 7 yrs and he's always told her she's paranoid (but i cant think about her i need to concentrate on myself or i'll end up going mad)

Im so glad i came on here instead of doing what my first thought was and gamble.... iv found that quite hard today. Its like whats the point... im not happy maybe that would cheer me up but i know that id only wake up 2moro with no man and no money

I know there's still plenty of time for me to have a family i just hope that one day it will happen.

Some of the things you have all been through are so much worse than this and you still have time and the strength to get on with it. Thanks for sharing with me. I now know im not alone i have friends here.

Thanks

Buddiebabe

Softstuff

aww sweetheart *HUGS!*

There is nothing in life you can do or could have done to protect yourself against serial compulsive liars like him. Some guys seem to get off on it, one day though you'll be thankful you found out now rather than much later.

And you know, as people have said, this really could be the best thing that ever happens to you. My ex husband used to cruise around in our car leaning out of the window shouting "you alright ladies? anybody want a ride?" and I didn't know that till my friends told me after we split, then the guy I dated following that, well, I got a bit of a shock when I went to a conference and was introduced to his live in girlfriend!! Though I felt stupid at the time, and it hurt so much, nobody I knew thought it was my fault, nobody thought I'd been a fool. And that's the same for you.

3 years on from all of that I can look back and laugh, because now I live in a beautiful part of Australia, I've recently married mr perfect (if only he'd iron ) and I could almost thank the other guys for being such twits.

*NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT* you can't blame yourself for his stupidity, and you also can't even consider his gf.... she needs to see the light and get out on her own.

You need to just focus on you. Cry plenty, listen to crappy songs a while, eat a bit too much choccy... then pick yourself up, see how wonderful you are, and watch all the men fall at your feet now you're single.

wolseley_2

Hi buddiebabe. Just thought that I would add my words of advice and support to the collective.

As many have already mentioned, it was he who is in the wrong, not you. You have nothing to be ashamed about. But, you are allowed to be upset - it is perfectly normal.

It is true that time is a great healer, but you are currently in the present where time has not yet passed. If you feel like crying, then have a cry. It is surprising how much it helps, so don't try to keep it all inside. It is the body's natural way to deal with emotional hurt afterall, and nothing to be ashamed about.

You say that you feel stupid for not realising what was going on, and that you don't want to face other people (i.e. at work) because of this. You are not stupid, and noone else can claim to have 'thought that may have been the case all along' - otherwise they would have said something. Don't try to avoid people because of the way they may react. There is no need to actively bring up the subject, but if someone asks be honest - it is much easier to have it all out in the open and soon forgotten than to live with the burden of trying to keep it hidden. (Having said that, you do not have to do this straight away).

You have not wasted 5 years of your life - there is more to life than the relationship you are in. Try to think of other things you have done during this time - I'm certain there will be lots.

Oh, and before I forget [ hugs]

moriarty888

Hey babe,
Please look at the positives. You believed in someone for 5 years, and didn't even see them. Not many people have that strength and conviction. Yes, alot of us will probably think you were naive to wait that long. but it's done now.
One day when you do have kids, they will be so proud and lucky to have a mother with that strength and conviction. It may have been misplaced, but you've learnt your lesson now.
Take strength, i think 99% of us on here have been dopey delusional idiots, but that's why we're on here, because we've turned a corner.
We'll sort you out.
Hey, you should see some of the idiots I've been out with! And at the age of 35 i met the best man in the world, who made all the idiots worth it.
Get out there and meet a few more. Enjoy yourself, don't expect anyone to make your life complete, do it yourself, and someone will come along.
Live your life, think of all those poor students in the US, no one knows what's coming, don't dwell on this idiot for a minute longer.
All the best.