Age gap in a relationship

NoAngel

You just have to be happy for her, people never want to hear negative things when they're happy.

My parents have a 24 year age gap. A few years ago I'd have told you it didn't affect their happiness. However now that dads in his 80s and mum still in her 50s the age gap is somehow more apparent and their needs/wants are different which can cause some problems. But this wouldn't happen to everyone.

19lottie82

I'm 30 and my OH is 43. I know there are many men of a similar age that would look and feel old enough to be my father, but I don't really think of him as so much "older" than me. we have loads in common, he gets on with all my friends and i love him to bits.

orchid2010

Don't worry about it, my dd who is in her early 20's is dating a man 15 years older than her who has 4 children, one if whom is older than she is (he was a very young father first time round).

My oh and I where a bit apprehensive about it at first, however he clearly adores her, treats her well and is quite happy to muck in with cooking and cleaning etc.

As long as she is happy and it is a good relationship that is what we care about. He is a lovely fella and we get on well.

bugslet

I'm 48, OH of 27 years is 71.

The dynamics do change as you get older and I have noticed it in the last 18 months for the first time, but at the moment your friend is seeing him, it may or may not lead to something. You can't plan the future too much, so make the most of now is my theory!

londonsurrey

You were startled, and your reaction wasn't ideal. She's going to get this reaction from other people.

If you are sorry you put your foot in it, just say so.
If you're happy for her, say that too.
Just be straightforward.

I'm 41, and seeing someone who is 52. Unfortunately, a lot of people think I look 26, so we do get some odd looks generally.

bugslet

londonsurrey wrote: »

I'm 41, . Unfortunately, a lot of people think I look 26, .

That's not my definition of unfortunate:p:rotfl:

londonsurrey

bugslet wrote: »

That's not my definition of unfortunate:p:rotfl:

Lol. I get your point.

Although people are probably nicer to me because of their mistaken perception, I feel somewhere between awkward and guilty for inadvertently misleading them.

I also feel quite a bit of trepidation for them feeling animosity towards me for "conning" them when they find out my true age, which I drop heavy hints about my saying I was with my late husband for 19 years, married for 17 years.
But I do suspect this is due to the abuse from my mother, which has left me expecting nasty punishments if anything is a bit "off" from the other person's expectations.

Mojisola

londonsurrey wrote: »

You were startled, and your reaction wasn't ideal. She's going to get this reaction from other people.

Agree - she'll have to get used to reactions like this. There aren't any "rules", it's just that people do normally pair up with people of around the same age.

If they're right for each other, good for them to be willing to step outside the norms to get together.

NoAngel wrote: »

My parents have a 24 year age gap. A few years ago I'd have told you it didn't affect their happiness. However now that dads in his 80s and mum still in her 50s the age gap is somehow more apparent and their needs/wants are different which can cause some problems. But this wouldn't happen to everyone.

bugslet wrote: »

The dynamics do change as you get older and I have noticed it in the last 18 months for the first time, but at the moment your friend is seeing him, it may or may not lead to something. You can't plan the future too much, so make the most of now is my theory!

I think that problems can arise later on as the years take their toll on the older partner. On the other hand, one of a similar-aged couple could become disabled and need more help and care than an active 80 year old.

Definitely make the most of now!

Hermia

As others have said you just have to be happy for her. There is obviously a danger that if they stay together she will be young widow, but she is old enough to have worked this out for herself.

londonsurrey

My husband was younger than me. I was a young widow anyhow. Lol.