I just dont "get" some people...

365days

I dont 'get' some people either. Nor does anyone else. You only need to read through the replies here to see that many people don't 'get' you. Likewise I don't 'get' how some people have responded like they have.

However, this doesn't matter. Just as you will not like everyone you meet nor will everyone who meets you will like you. That's normal and it's ok. We are all different and the ost important thing is finding who we are and what kind of live we want to live.

I have a neighbour who always has visitors, that would drive me nuts as I like my own space and to have constant streams of people in my house would do my head in. She however thrives on it. I have however over time realised that it is because she can't bear to be alone for any length of time.

There are other types of people whose whole social life revolves around drinking. They may consider people who don't feel the need to get drunk on a saturday night 'Weirdos' Personally I think people who can't afford to put shoes on their kids feet while !!!!ing their money up the wall slighly worse than wierd.

At the end of the day, make yourself the best person you can be FOR YOU. What are you like? What do you like? Do you want a house full of people every day, or are you happy being on your own. Or somewhere in between. Do you want the social interaction of groups or do you crave to curl up with a good book.

Which of the posters so far sound like your kind of people. Do you know what sort of person you are? When you are confident in yourself you will meet like minded people.

Have you ever read anything about Aspergers Syndrome? Some of the things you read MAY ring bells.

wanchai_2

I have only read page 1 so apologies if I am repeating what someone else has said.


OP - you're not going to like me saying this, but you come across as a little needy and uptight. This girl asked you to go on their already-planned trip. You booked the hostel yourself, then asked to stay in their room if necessary, then cancelled when they said no. It's kind of understandable that she's cooled towards you.


I mean, seriously, hostels are fine - all you need is wax earplugs and an eye mask. Easy peasy. I would have been really taken aback at your cancelling the trip if I'd been the friend in question.


FWIW, if I'd been the third girl I would have agreed to let you stay in the room if you couldn't sleep, but I don't know the reason for her refusal, so I'm not going to criticise.

top_drawer wrote: »

She still went with her friend as originally planned.

If I had gone I would have had to sleep in a different bed knowing that if something happened i.e people being noisy or a group of 7 people in the same room who all knew each other and my friend and her friend wanted to spend time in their two person room I would be out in the cold effectively. She even went onto say if I wasn't happy with the arrangement then I should look to find somewhere which did suit me - i.e you are on your own come what may!

I also felt that it was very unreasonable and was concerned what other restrictions this girl may place on the holiday - I'm not allowed to eat with them or maybe they have lots of special friend time which I cant be involved in either. I felt that as my friend was so willing to allow herself to go along with this then the sky was the limit effectively.

This does sound quite playground-ish tbh. Did you really, HONESTLY think that they wouldn't allow you to eat with them or that they would have 'special friend time' excluding you?


My advice would be to try to relax and be more easygoing. Easier said than done I know Perhaps make another attempt to get in touch with this girl as she may not have seen you in the street, and it's not her fault that she was out when you called round.


I wish you luck.

wanchai_2

RedBern wrote: »

For what it's worth, I'm really short sighted Nd without my glasses seriously can't recognise faces from further than arms length. Many's the time I've ignored someone in town, and my friend who I've been with has been horrified and said "that's so and so, across the road waving, you've ignored them" but I really haven't done it on purpose.

Don't be so sensitive, give the friendship another go. Text your friend and say, I'm in town tomorrow, you around to meet for coffee.? And see what response you get.

+1

bugslet wrote: »

TD, i don't know if you looked at the link I posted from last years w&h forum. The problem was so similar, someone not making friends easily and a hostel situation, so I've pasted it for you:



I feel so silly making such a fuss about this. I finally made a friend and she has invited me to London with her and two of her friends, they are stopping in a youth hostel - one girl asked my friend to share with her as she doesnt do dorms, and the other is in a 21 bed dorm on her own.

I booked last night and I have ended up with nights in various dorms all above 8 bed up to 12 bed. I spoke to an passing friend who knows a lot about it and they said the worst that could happen was that I end up getting my mattress and moving it to their room. I mentioned this to my friend and after watching me book it last night she has emailed this morning saying that she has mentioned this to her friend and she has said that although she is looking forward to meeting me, she would prefer the room was just for them.

This has left me in a quandry as I'm worried I will not be able to sleep because of noise/issues in the room and there will be no back up plan. I obviously wont know this until I get there.My friend has suggested that if I think I wont be happy with the dorms then I should think about booking into somewhere close by (which could still be awful).

I'm veering between Can I be bothered in getting to know someone who would be quite happy to leave someone in a bad position? And Oh it will be fine/I can always come back early. I'm a private person but I dont think I would say No outright in this situation - I would probably check that they dont think that someone sneezing is sufficient reason to move into ours.


With luck you'll find some answers on there as well., though I think looking at the replies the basic suggestions were to forget about it.

This sounds exactly like the OP, what replies were given? (can't open the W&H link at work for some reason)

bugslet

Hi wanchai

well w&h tends to be a fairly polite site, so the replies were pretty much a toned down version of what's on here:

1. let it go, life is too short.
2. Maybe you come across/are too needy
3. expand your socila horizons and meet different people.

As soon as I saw TD's post, I thought it was exactly the same as the one back in 2011 on w&h. There were a couple of other posts from bluejay on w&h along similar lines, so there are some overlapping threads as well.

londonsurrey

OP, can you see what went wrong when you look at the example of my neighbour?

I was friendly to him, was perfectly happy to chat to him occasionally, help him out (took him to hospital in the past and then gave him a meal as he was poorly), so it was basic friendly stuff.

It went wrong when he decided that I should meet ALL of his needs, NEVER hear a SINGLE sound from my house or the other neighbours (he lives in a small mid terrace house, for heaven's sake), and decided that I was being bad to him for not living out his idea of what I should be to him.

So rather than having a helpful friend every now and again, because he couldn't have me do EVERYTHING, he'd rather have someone he's decided is BAD and that he can NEVER go to for help. Which is a bit worrying, as he's never managed to leave home, and his elderly mother died last year. His poor mother had been carefully maintaining decent relationships with all the neighbours, trying to create a "helpful pool of people" portfolio for him for when she did eventually die.

dandelionclock30

All I know is not to have any expectations at all where others are concerned.You might have someone saying they love you more than anything one day.. and then never hear from them again. People do what they want to do and we cant always rationalize why they do things, its just the way it is.
Its best just to take things lightly and as they are, not be thinking too much. I believe that people come and go, so do relationships and everything is transitory anyway.
That friend who didnt want you to stay in the room might have had an incontinence problem or a medical issue etc.It may have been nothing to do with you. I would just forget it all and go and look for other company with no expectations at all.Let them do what they want because they all will anyway.

AutumnBride85

Top Drawer I completely understand everything you have just said. I too have trouble with people despite 'bending over backwards' for others and trying to be nice I end up getting treated like dirt eventually.

I recently had to cut my ties with my group of female friends because i was being treated so badly by them. They only ever shown an interest if they wanted something, would agree for me to go round 'for a brew' and then go out and leave me knocking on the door of an empty house etc, but the final straw came when the one girl had a party for her little girl, didnt invite me (invited the other girls) then plastered the photos all over facebook. I emailed the one girl asking if we could talk about where our friendship was going, but she avoided it. I emailed again asking what Ive supposedly done to deserve it, but she didnt reply. To my knowledge Ive never done anything but be a good person and a loyal friend. I too arent into nightclubs and getting plastered, so perhaps they thought I was boring. I dont know.

Never been one to fit into groups or cliques either. These days I just accept it and feel im better off without them, as Im sure youre better off without this woman. I spend most of my time now with my husband and my family, who never let me down like 'friends' have.

You can always talk to me

AB

j.e.j.

JCP wrote: »

The girl she didn't know might have perfectly valid reasons for not wanting to share a room with a complete stranger (cos let's face it, despite knowing her friend, that's what you are).

I was thinking that, too. The friend and this other girl may even be 'more than friends', who knows.

bugslet

In which case autumn bride, you have been with the wrong group of people. Friends, in my experience, take at least a year to develop and it isn't always straightforward. Having said that, don't waste time on shallow people. I rarely drink more than one glass of wine and am definitely not a clubber, its a case of finding people that you gel with. I can honestly say that I haven't been let down by friends. If you read back, you will see that I think that you need tobtake a look at how you interact with others and see how you appear in others eyes.

I adore my friends, they've got me through some tough times.

Lucky94

I feel for you OP but as my Nanna use to say 'there's nowt as queer as folk'.

I don't have many close friends these days and to be honest I just don't have the time I have my hubby along with my 2 young children so they take up all my time. I'm more then happy with this, I don't have time for gossip if I need that I just log into facebook

I did have lots of friends when I worked full time pre family life and it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, I tried to please everyone which never works.

I now have 2 life long friends who I may not speak to for weeks/months even but I know that I could just pick up the telephone and we would pick up were we left off.

I believe that less it more.