I just dont "get" some people...

oldskoo1

Op I know they say, don't say, don't worry about it, but seriously, don't let not being able to make friends bother you.

You have introverted and extroverted people. I'm introverted, I can't stand small talk or false happiness, yea it sounds really depressing but hyper people drive me nuts. I like interesting people with something to say. I don't get drunk on pints I prefer dinner, whiskey and wine.

Those sort of friends are harder to find but they are there.

Being introverted doesn't have to be a burden, in my job I stand up and give speeches and mentor people. I don't feel comfortable doing it but I have the confidence to know I'm good at it and know wha I'm talking about.

10 or 15 years ago I struggled but now I'm regularly running around London meeting people from some of the biggest companies in the uk. All it needs is acceptance of who you are and to just stop judging yourself, very few will judge you and just believe in yourself, you only have 1 life. Live it, if you make mistakes, so what, if you make a fool of yourself, so what.

And in your situation, don't cling to her, just move on.

Treevo

Felicity wrote: »

I am not sure that is what the OP wants to hear right now. Shame on you really if that is the only comment you can make on her post .... why bother?

She doesn't seem to wants to listen to anything that doesn't make her in the right. She's totally in the wrong and all the lip service paid too her problems seems to be her problem of dealing with other, out or order people.

No one has a right to friends, so if the OP wants some, she's going to have to realise that her way of behaving is not conducive to it.

cutestkids

Felicity wrote: »

I am not sure that is what the OP wants to hear right now. Shame on you really if that is the only comment you can make on her post .... why bother?

What the OP wants to hear and what she needs to hear are two very different things.

If people just continue to tell her that everything will be all right and all the problems that she has are really caused by other people then she is not going to find any answers is she.

The reality is that the OP is struggling with friendships which a lot of the time is due to how she perceives things.

She came here and has been given some really good advice, some of it may sound a little harsh but I am sure that it is meant with good intentions.

Sometimes we need to hear the harsh truth in order to move forward in life and be happy with who we are.

bugslet

TD, i don't know if you looked at the link I posted from last years w&h forum. The problem was so similar, someone not making friends easily and a hostel situation, so I've pasted it for you:



I feel so silly making such a fuss about this. I finally made a friend and she has invited me to London with her and two of her friends, they are stopping in a youth hostel - one girl asked my friend to share with her as she doesnt do dorms, and the other is in a 21 bed dorm on her own.

I booked last night and I have ended up with nights in various dorms all above 8 bed up to 12 bed. I spoke to an passing friend who knows a lot about it and they said the worst that could happen was that I end up getting my mattress and moving it to their room. I mentioned this to my friend and after watching me book it last night she has emailed this morning saying that she has mentioned this to her friend and she has said that although she is looking forward to meeting me, she would prefer the room was just for them.

This has left me in a quandry as I'm worried I will not be able to sleep because of noise/issues in the room and there will be no back up plan. I obviously wont know this until I get there.My friend has suggested that if I think I wont be happy with the dorms then I should think about booking into somewhere close by (which could still be awful).

I'm veering between Can I be bothered in getting to know someone who would be quite happy to leave someone in a bad position? And Oh it will be fine/I can always come back early. I'm a private person but I dont think I would say No outright in this situation - I would probably check that they dont think that someone sneezing is sufficient reason to move into ours.


With luck you'll find some answers on there as well., though I think looking at the replies the basic suggestions were to forget about it.

Hermia

oldskoo1 wrote: »

Op I know they say, don't say, don't worry about it, but seriously, don't let not being able to make friends bother you.

You have introverted and extroverted people. I'm introverted, I can't stand small talk or false happiness, yea it sounds really depressing but hyper people drive me nuts. I like interesting people with something to say. I don't get drunk on pints I prefer dinner, whiskey and wine.

Those sort of friends are harder to find but they are there.

Being introverted doesn't have to be a burden...

Exactly. It makes social situations harder, but I don't think being introverted is a bad thing at all (Susan Cain's new book looks into this). Several extroverts I know seem to spend all their time talking when they are in social situations so they never make deep friendships because they never shut up and listen to other people.

bugslet

Really I'm quite introverted, but I learnt how to be more extroverted. I do enjoy company, but only for a short while - couldn't do a weekend away with anyone without having away from people time.

I do think that TD needs to look at how other people view her actions. That isn't making a judgement on her, but it's the only way to understand why people respond as they do.

LannieDuck

You seem to have decided she doesn't want to be friends with you based on not replying to a single text and not seeing you in the street.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt for now and send her another message, maybe an e-mail, saying you'd love to catch up and could you arrange to go around for coffee one day? If she ignores that as well, then your worries might be founded. But I think you're jumping to conclusions too early.

Hermia

bugslet wrote: »

I do think that TD needs to look at how other people view her actions. That isn't making a judgement on her, but it's the only way to understand why people respond as they do.

True. If the same thing keeps happening to you in life you only really have two options. You either decide you want to change and try and learn the social skills or work out where you are going wrong. Or you make peace with the way things are and try to create a different life. It may well be that the rest of society is wrong, but you can't change everyone!

Jessie11

LannieDuck wrote: »

You seem to have decided she doesn't want to be friends with you based on not replying to a single text and not seeing you in the street.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt for now and send her another message, maybe an e-mail, saying you'd love to catch up and could you arrange to go around for coffee one day? If she ignores that as well, then your worries might be founded. But I think you're jumping to conclusions too early.

I totally agree with this. Why not send a facebook message, just a 'hey stranger, how you been?'
I think you're a bit too sensitive/clingy tbh.

Emmarillo

marleyboy wrote: »

The amount of introverted, shy and sadly friendless people that pass one another rather routinely day by day is staggering, if just one of them were to say "hi" to the other to break the ice, they may be surprised just what a good friend they have found.

The extroverted, outgoing and open person, who has no trouble in finding new friends can literally pick and choose who to hang out with from one day to the next.

However, it is no competition out there, you want to take the bull by the horns and meet people who you may or may not regard as a friend, try not to be too clingy if you find a friend as it could potentially make yourself and them feel pressured in trying to impress, which is not what real friends are all about.

What I am trying to say is that there are people out there in exactly the same boat as yourself, not wanting to appear too open they inadvertently shut themselves off to others, a sense of untrustworthy or negativity about one another leaves them blind to those in the very same boat.

A crack in the ice is all it really would take, you will find a best friend in the most unlikely of places. You could be waiting for a bus in the rain or be shopping for groceries when you meet them, it only takes one of you to break the ice. a simple acknowledgement of the weather or the burden of shopping could be enough to start the ball rolling.

Good friends usually start off by first a brief insignificant conversation, a smile or chuckle with one another, followed by a chance meeting with one another. True friends do not go around looking for one another, they find each other. Groups of friends are generally friends of friends.

Besides OP, you have plenty of friends on here, whether or not you meet them in person. Keep your chin up and think positively, late fate deal with the matchmaking.

Good luck OP

What an amazing, thoughtful and practical post. This is seriously the best, kindest and most helpful post I have read on here all year.