I just dont "get" some people...

Dunroamin

I still don't really understand why you cancelled the holiday. Worst case scenario it would've been no different from going away for a few days on your own.

Treevo

top_drawer wrote: »

She still went with her friend as originally planned.

If I had gone I would have had to sleep in a different bed knowing that if something happened i.e people being noisy or a group of 7 people in the same room who all knew each other and my friend and her friend wanted to spend time in their two person room I would be out in the cold effectively. She even went onto say if I wasn't happy with the arrangement then I should look to find somewhere which did suit me - i.e you are on your own come what may!

I also felt that it was very unreasonable and was concerned what other restrictions this girl may place on the holiday - I'm not allowed to eat with them or maybe they have lots of special friend time which I cant be involved in either. I felt that as my friend was so willing to allow herself to go along with this then the sky was the limit effectively.

So you didn't want to sleep in a room with perfect strangers but you expected someone else to put up with you doing that in a smaller room?

They had made plans and you were invited to come along. If you didn't want to stay in the hostel then you could have booked a nearby hotel more to your liking. It seems like you didn't get exactly what you wanted so you threw your toys out of the pram. Are you really surprised that she didn't want to continue a close friendship with you after that?

It seems like you resented the fact that your friend had other, closer friends and I think that's probably a large part of why you don't have many friends. Friends are not possessions that come in one form. There are many different kinds. The problem lies with you, not them.

Emmarillo

I find this a bit strange

During the summer I was leaving the bank machine and she seemed to be stopping to talk to her, I was ready to just say a polite hello and keep walking ... Instead we spoke at some length, she told me about her new flat and I spoke about my life. She even saidand I quote "You was very welcome to pop around for a brew sometime" 10 days later it was a lovely day and I was off work so did just that........ no response. Later she was on fb saying what a fab day she had had, visiting friends and relaxing the sun.

She invited you round sometime, but you sound a bit peeved that she wasn't in when you called round. You even have an explanation from her facebook status about where she was so this shouldn't be an issue. To be honest it sounds to me as though she has lots of friends, and the friendship was more important to you than it was to her. Do you think you could have been seen as a bit clingy, because that can make people back off quickly.

I hope you find some like minded friends soon.

j.e.j.

I'd just get rid of FaceBook but that's just me :rotfl:

londonsurrey

It sounds like she's willing to be your friend, but if someone is your friend, you expect them to 100% there for you, to the exclusion of all else, be it previous plans or preferences of other friends.

If during the day off, you'd previously booked a time to pop round to her house, or if you'd knocked, and saw her duck behind the sofa, then she's being weird.

However, if she just wasn't in, or didn't hear you, then this is normal stuff that happens to everyone with impromptu visits.


I do sympathise, because I'm getting the sense that when you gear yourself up to do something, like visit her, it takes quite a bit of mental preparation on your part, so it's a huge commitment.

The thing you might find handy to bear in mind is that the majority of the population find the concept of "popping in" a simple one, and easily change to do something else if it the person they're visiting isn't there, so most people will find it hard to understand why you're upset about this, which is not to say that no one understands.

Hermia

Emmarillo wrote: »

She invited you round sometime, but you sound a bit peeved that she wasn't in when you called round. You even have an explanation from her facebook status about where she was so this shouldn't be an issue. To be honest it sounds to me as though she has lots of friends, and the friendship was more important to you than it was to her. Do you think you could have been seen as a bit clingy, because that can make people back off quickly.

I do agree with this. Inviting someone round doesn't mean you are guaranteed to be in or that there won't be times that are inconvenient. It doesn't mean the invitation isn't genuinely meant though.

Re: her ducking her head to adjust her bag in the street. You make it sound like you think she deliberately ignored you. Are you sure your interpretation is right? I can't tell you how many times friends have told me I have ignored them in the street. I have even been told that I looked right at them, but I really didn't see them. I obviously walk around in a daze!

It does sound like you are reading too much into things.

bugslet

See if this link is any help, very similar situation to yours back in June 2011.

http://www.womanandhome.com/forums/threads/59567-Help-I-have-friend-issues?highlight=london+hostel

Hermia

Treevo wrote: »

So you didn't want to sleep in a room with perfect strangers but you expected someone else to put up with you doing that in a smaller room?

They had made plans and you were invited to come along. If you didn't want to stay in the hostel then you could have booked a nearby hotel more to your liking. It seems like you didn't get exactly what you wanted so you threw your toys out of the pram. Are you really surprised that she didn't want to continue a close friendship with you after that?

It sounds to me that maybe the OP read too much into the situation as I said in my comment above. I think people who travel a lot and stay in hostels are quite flexible and spontaneous. I never stay in hostels as I am far more comfortable in hotels. I like my privacy and I like to know exactly what my room will be like. I have friends who stay in hostels a lot and they often won't know what the room will be like and they won't know if they will be in a room with friends or not. I know my colleague went away with a group of people and ended up with in a room with strangers whilst all her friends were in another room together. She didn't mind as she likes making new friends, but I can see it would be hard for someone who is not used to that or a bit insecure. Perhaps the OP's friends stay in hostels a lot and didn't think it would be an issue?

cutestkids

To be honest OP when I read your post I immediately thought that you came over as a very needy type of friend and I can see why your friend backed off.

There is nothing worse than someone that wants much more than you are able to give in a friendship.

I had a friend that felt that everything should not only include her but revolve around her to the point that she would be offended if I went for lunch with my own sister and did not invite her.

To be honest it was draining and if I spotted the same type of friend again I would run a mile.

It may be that your friend just could not give what you seem to need from a friendship.

You seem to want a friend that will be a best friend and do everything with you when you want but in most adult friendships this is not the case people have other commitments and most friendships will not be exclusive.

Hermia

cutestkids wrote: »

To be honest OP when I read your post I immediately thought that you came over as a very needy type of friend and I can see why your friend backed off.

There is nothing worse than someone that wants much more than you are able to give in a friendship.

I had a friend that felt that everything should not only include her but revolve around her to the point that she would be offended if I went for lunch with my own sister and did not invite her.

To be honest it was draining and if I spotted the same type of friend again I would run a mile.

It may be that your friend just could not give what you seem to need from a friendship.

You seem to want a friend that will be a best friend and do everything with you when you want but in most adult friendships this is not the case people have other commitments and most friendships will not be exclusive.

I do agree with you.

OP - I find it helpful to compartmentalise friends as I don't think (despite the soppy image in the media) that many people can give you everything you need. And certainly if you have a lot of interests you are unlikely to find someone who shares them all. My mum was one of the most popular people I have ever met, but she had friends for different things. I have a friend who I share a lot of interests with and I like her because she is a very positive go-getting person, but she is hopeless at anything emotional. So, I never go to her with problems. My mum died this year and I haven't really spoken to my friend much, but we will reconnect when I am better. On the other hand I have known women who love listening to their friends and helping them, but haven't got much else to offer.