Stay at home mum ?

trigger2

I'm married with 2 kids, 7 & 4, & work part time in a local nursery. I went back 2 years ago & up until the last 5 months have enjoyed being back at work & earning money. However I now feel that the guilt of leaving the kids to be picked up from school by someone else, going to after school clubs (expensive), is really getting to me. How I feel about leaving them is outweighing the enjoyment I get from the job. I have to make a decision by end of June if I want to stay on or not. I'm really feeling like I want to be a stay at home mum instead but feel guilty about spending money without contributing anything to it. I remember when i wasn't working before I spent my time worrying about being skint though ! How does everybody else manage in this situation ? Any advice would be welcome

immoral_angeluk

I'm in the same boat but my children are 2 and nearly 3 months. I also work part time in a nursery but I've found the childcare costs were going to be more than my wages so it's not even worth returning to work. My plan is to go back to work during the day when both the girls are in school. Would that be an option for you seeing as your 4 yr old will be going to school soon? Failing that could you get an evening job when your partner could look after the kids?
Please don't feel like you're spending money without contributing. You are contributing by sacrificing your career to look after your family. It should only be temporary and as long as you budget careful you should be fine.

trigger2

Same here re the childcare costs ! On average I bring home £250pm, of that £100 goes on childcare, & another £30 or so on petrol, so I end up working for not alot ! I can't work evenings or weekends as hubby can work these too. I think i've more or less made my decision but I'm just worried about the money side of it .

leftieM

Please don't feel guilty about not earning! Making money is far from being your most important contribution to your family. As for what to do - follow your heart. Forget about the guilt as that's something all mothers feel whether at home or not! If you want to stay at home, then make it happen. If you want to stay at work then that's a good decision for you.
As for being skint if you stop working - yep, there's no getting around that one! Still, as I'm sure you remember, somehow you just make ends meet. However if that's a real concern then being at home and worrying about money is going to curtail your freedom and your enjoyment of life. Think hard about whether you can do without the money and all of the comforts that affords.

Penny_Watcher

trigger2 wrote: »

I'm really feeling like I want to be a stay at home mum instead but feel guilty about spending money without contributing anything to it.

Ooo - don't think like that trigger Imagine how much it would cost your OH if he had to pay for full time childcare if you weren't there - that is just one tiny financial contribution you are making to the family.

I gave up work to be a stay at home mum 3 years ago. It was the best (and worst) thing I've ever done. My kids are so much happier now they're not bundled off to after school clubs and holiday clubs. They can partake fully in out of school activities because now I'm there to take them and collect afterwards. OH is much happier as I'm not totally stressed all the time trying to juggle the home, childcare and work.

OH has a good job, which means that we didn't really need my wage - it went to pay for the extras that make life more fun - holidays etc.

The one drawback was that I felt rather isolated at home. Sometimes you need to work for your own sanity :rolleyes:

Justie

If you're not spending money on childcare and all those hidden costs of guilt buying cos you're trying to make it up to them or spending more on food cos you don't have time to cook (or would rather spend what time you have with the kids) then you may well find that over all you aren't any worse off than now. My OH is great in that he's very vocal about all money being OUR money whoever earns it or spends it, you need to make sure that your OH feels the same and then believe him. There are plenty of ways to keep social contact with other parents and to build into your life ways to contribute to both society and the family that aren't based on money.

Rachie_B

are you able to go part time ? (ETA ooops just re read and saw you ARE part time !)

register as a childminder ? so you are there for your own children and look after others during the day too ( you will be self employed so totally up to you what to charge,how many children to take on etc

Or nannying ? I am a part time nanny and you will find some families are flexible on times / arrangements etc

the 2 families i nanny for dont mind me bringing my 5 yr old with me in the holidays ,or taking their children with me to pick mine up from school sometimes etc

I get the best of both worlds TBH ,doing a job i love which is flexible and pays well
( pay is generally better than nursery work ) am able to drop my sons to school most of the time, and i am lucky in the fact that after school club is reasonable @ £6 per session and my son loves going !

alternatively what about working some evenings if you have a partner home to look after the children ?

before i was a nanny i took on some domestic cleaning jobs that i could do during the school day ,so i was able to earn and still drop off / pick up the boys from school

there arent a huge amount of jobs out there for eg 10 - 2pm but it depends how fussy you are i guess ? lol

belfastgirl23

I read this article recently about why not to be a stay at home mum

http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/politicsphilosophyandsociety/story/0,,2053364,00.html

Not taking a position either way myself everyone has to make the right choice for them, that's the point of feminism, but thought it might be interesting to see a different POV

Good luck with your decision

SSB

Hi
I was at home for nearly 5 years and even now work P/T during weekends ( 3 weekends out of 4). This has been a good solution for us, do not worry about not earning. Your husband needs to appreciate the work you do at home, it makes his life so much easier.
I have never felt that there is HIS money, everything is joint and he has never mentioned that there is some kind of imbalance because he is the main breadwinner. I deal with all the finances and only purchases discussed are the expensive ones ( jointly decided).
I am happy with this arrangement; it gives me time to be with the kids, advice at CAB, be on top the housework, see friends etc. and we do not have the ' I am tired too, it's your turn to vacuum/dust/shop... arguments.
I fully support true equality between men and women, this including the right to stay at home.

leftieM

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I read this article recently about why not to be a stay at home mum

http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/politicsphilosophyandsociety/story/0,,2053364,00.html

Not taking a position either way myself everyone has to make the right choice for them, that's the point of feminism, but thought it might be interesting to see a different POV

Good luck with your decision

The author seemed to be saying that women should work. I hate these generalisations about what women should do, usually by some twit who thinks that they know it all. Everyone's situation is different and more importantly, everyone's children are different. To be told what is right or wrong by some journalist is irritating. Ignore it!

emmy2007

Hi

I've not been blessed with kids yet (one day) but have to say I loved having my own mum not working when I was little, when she did go back to work she did 10-2 so picked us up from school, is that something you could do also
just an idea, have you thought about working from home? I do something called AQA which you can do anytime and could fit around the kids being at home. I also used to do Avon.

whatever you decide be happy