Constantly struggling with money - vent

DS4215

What area does he want to work in or are his qualifications in? - is there any prospect of going it alone and starting out as self-employed while he is looking for work?

good_advice

Hiya, not much help on the work front but wanted to say...

I am at home too wile family members work.
It means a lot to them that the washing is done every day. Cleaning of home and a cooked dinner every night.

I get along with out much money. most of the week spend nothing.
Just go out for walks to get out and exercise.
Read free books on kindle. Kindle was a gift.
Have become am expert on saving gas and electric to keep the bills down. Often spend some time advising others on here "my good advice".

Living is not just about money although having enough to live on is good. We do not go out for meals and outings unless nearly free.
The last outing we went on was to the beach. Walk along the sea front with dog. Took drinks and picnic. Was not quite free as we had to pay petrol for car. Spent time together.

In time tables may turn and he goes out to earn the money wile you are at home with a baby.

The future is what you make of it, sending good wishes...

aylithuk

lorena wrote: »

This is just something I need to get off my chest as I don't really have anyone to talk about this with. I recently moved to a new area and I don't know anyone well enough yet.

I live with my boyfriend, who for about a year has been unemployed. We have been living together for 2 months of this. He applies for jobs everyday, goes to see recruitment agencies etc and looks in the papers for jobs. The last interview he went for he was told he was over-qualified.

I am employed full time, usually working 8 hours a day and commuting an hour each way to work. I pay for most of the bills and he helps out where he can. I am so tired most evenings and I feel I don't have time for evening classes. My job is quite stressful at the moment which doesn't help.

We had a conversation last night and we are both worried about what will happen to our relationship if he doesn't get a full time job soon. I constantly worry about money and we are both starting to worry about our future together. We rarely go out for meals, nights out because we don't have the money. We are a young couple, we should be doing these things. Even going to the cinema is a a debate about whether we can justify spending the money and I feel like my life is passing me by. On top, I am trying to deal with issues I still have from prolonged bullying when I was 5 until the age of 15. Some days I feel so down and I just don't know what to do.

Just wanted to let this out somewhere, I know it probably doesn't make much sense.

Hi Lorena.

I've been where you currently are. My OH was unemployed for 2 years before finding working in the Job Centre.

I won't lie, you will find it effect your relationship because you feel under pressure to keep you both afloat money wise and it's all on your shoulders and he feels worthless because he see you stressed and with each job rejection it means it's gonna be longer before he can help you.

That's how we felt.

We have been together 6 years anyhow so we talked a lot about our current state and how we could support each other. For example he did all the housework and I have an evening meal ready when i walked in the door (something I really miss now!)

We also talked about our future plans together when he did get a job and that keep us positive.

It was a long long slog but on the flip side because we managed on a monthly wage of £1,400 we're now in the good position of knowing we can live like that with extra treats thrown in and save 95% of his wage for a house deposit.

Might see awful right now but I promise there will be an end and it will be together as long as you keep talking to each other xx

sulkisu

OP, how were you managing financially before you moved in with him? In moving in together did you make a financial commitment that you coud ony afford on two salaries - e.g. did you rent a bigger property or move to an expensive area? The reason that I ask is because unless you were already struggling to make ends meet on you salary, or unless boyfriend eats like a horse, there shouldn't really be a huge difference.

Working 8 hours a day and commuting on top is pretty normal - are you saying that this would change if your boyfriend found work? If not, then this will still be an issue. Most working people face the same predicament, even young ones - it doesn't mean that life is passing you by, it is life. You will have to find a worklife balance to suit you, whether your boyfriend is working or not so try working on it now. You still have your weekends free - see what you can do then. If you are excessively tired at the end of the day, are you getting enough sleep, is your diet healthy, are you perhaps trying to do too much?

Is your boyfriend willing to do absolutely anything - workwise?
Being overqualified can be an issue, it just depends how he handles it when applying for work. It is easier to do it with temporary work. I graduated in 1992 and passed my Bar exams in 1995, yet managed to find temporary work in shops, offices and cleaning for about a year afterwards. I was clearly overqualified, but at interviews I made it clear that I was only looking for temporary work for a certain period of time, that I was more than happy to get my hands dirty and to be frank, I needed a job and needed the money. I could quite justifiably have sat at home claiming JSA until the right job or pupillage opportunity came along, but employers were impressed by the fact that I chose not to. It's just a thought, but it worked for me.