Constantly struggling with money - vent

lorena

This is just something I need to get off my chest as I don't really have anyone to talk about this with. I recently moved to a new area and I don't know anyone well enough yet.

I live with my boyfriend, who for about a year has been unemployed. We have been living together for 2 months of this. He applies for jobs everyday, goes to see recruitment agencies etc and looks in the papers for jobs. The last interview he went for he was told he was over-qualified.

I am employed full time, usually working 8 hours a day and commuting an hour each way to work. I pay for most of the bills and he helps out where he can. I am so tired most evenings and I feel I don't have time for evening classes. My job is quite stressful at the moment which doesn't help.

We had a conversation last night and we are both worried about what will happen to our relationship if he doesn't get a full time job soon. I constantly worry about money and we are both starting to worry about our future together. We rarely go out for meals, nights out because we don't have the money. We are a young couple, we should be doing these things. Even going to the cinema is a a debate about whether we can justify spending the money and I feel like my life is passing me by. On top, I am trying to deal with issues I still have from prolonged bullying when I was 5 until the age of 15. Some days I feel so down and I just don't know what to do.

Just wanted to let this out somewhere, I know it probably doesn't make much sense.

LannieDuck

Has he looked into temp work?

Rebecca01

Hi Lorena.

My sister is in a similar situation to you. However her OH has been unemployed for three years. Though not constantly he has had bits of daily work and does some voluntary work. He has literally applied for thousands of jobs. It gets them both down , its hard. She is an expert at scrimping and saving money as a result. However she feels as she is waiting for her life to start. She wants children but cant as things stand.

I have no real advice but just to let you know , your not the only one struggling. Its tough out there.

Our whole family help them out with their mortgage so they dont lose their house. My sister suffers from depression which I am sure is partly caused by the guilt from this and the fact she works to see know gains from it. Like you they cant afford to do much. There have been tears recriminations and lots of stress.

However recently my sister has decided to look at the positives she has a loving husband , a great family. They get a lot of enjoyment out of free stuff such as taking my daughter to the park or on a bike ride. She says they will just keep battling on, nothing lasts forever , its a long road but one day there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

lorena

He went to see and agency on Thursday about a temp role and they said they will pass his CV on to the client and see what happens.

I don't trust agencies, from personal experience a lot of the jobs they advertise don't exist and I think the way they treat people is terrible.

Thanks, Rebecca it's good to know we are not the only ones struggling. I know if we can get through this, things could be so good.

Rebecca01

Temp works ok in the interim but like my sister works , your still worrying where the bread on the table is coming from next week. Though it is better than no work at all.

Tough Times.

balletshoes

lorena wrote: »

He went to see and agency on Thursday about a temp role and they said they will pass his CV on to the client and see what happens.

I don't trust agencies, from personal experience a lot of the jobs they advertise don't exist and I think the way they treat people is terrible.

Thanks, Rebecca it's good to know we are not the only ones struggling. I know if we can get through this, things could be so good.

I'm sure you're right with some agencies - but surely its better than nothing at the moment?

Fire_Fox

Has he had someone with professional experience look over and edit/ update his CV and covering letters? Has he tried sending out batches of CVs and covering letters on spec instead of waiting for jobs to be advertised? I've had a number of job offers/ interviews from doing this, some employers cannot be bothered with the rigmarole of sifting through applications of those only applying to get JSA (don't mean your partner). Has he done any voluntary work? Are you definitely getting all the benefits you are eligible for as a household?

FatVonD

I think he should go down the temping route too, every job I've had for the last 25 years has come about as a result of freelancing there first. I am good at my job but shoite at interviews.

lorena

I will definitely try to encourage him to contact agencies. I try to let him get on with the job hunt himself as I don't want to make him feel worse by me nagging him to get one. My point about agencies is that they seem to mess him around and it doesn't actually lead to any work.

I think he has lost his drive a bit so I am trying to keep him positive. he has had a friend who has worked in HR before look over his CV and also had a mock interview with him before his last interview. He obviously prepared him too well, he didn't get it because he was 'over-qualified'.

We are not entitled to anything else, I earn £22k a year which probably excludes us from anything. I should add that we live in London so it doesn't go very far.

Tish_P

I don't have much helpful advice but just wanted to say I hope things get better for you both soon. Unemployment is soul-destroying and with the job market the way it is you can do nothing wrong and still take ages to find anything, let alone anything suitable.

Like another poster suggested, he might want to look into voluntary work. It would build skills, demonstrate that he has a strong work ethic, and most importantly provide some routine and self-confidence.

Dunroamin

As he's not working, does your BF do all the housework, shopping, cooking & etc. or do you have to do this after work? Couldn't he even get some part time work such as cleaning or working behind a bar?

Do you make a positive of the fact of living in London by taking advantage of all the things that you can do for free?