Being blackmailed

ragdoll1924

This is a bit of an odd one im afraid but could really do with some advise. I left my husband 3yrs ago due to domestic abuse and now live on my own with my 3 young children. Im a working mum er and manage to work around my childrens hours but thankfully get help with my rent (housing benefit, council tax benefit, working and child tax credits) to which I am extremely grateful for but live on a very limited budget. After living on my own for 3yrs I met a man last December and started going out with him, at last I thought I had met a decent man and he use to stay over most weekends (didnt want to live with him as Im still recovering from domestic abuse and have learnt to live happily on my own but appreciated company at weekends). Anyway he wasnt what I thought he was and I ended up in yet another abusive relationship, not physical but mental if you understand. I then caught him on dirty dating sites and chatting to women on line etc. Basically he finished the relationship 5wks ago, but because in the time he was with me he sold a lot of items in my house, tv, kids wii, tv stand and other smaller items but let me have his old tv and xbox. Now he has gone he wants it all back, I would willingly give it to him but he sold my stuff and it would leave me and kids without a main tv or a xbox which my children play on. I have also given him money over the months from sales of other items, he has had hundreds out of me! He is now saying that if I dont give him these things back he is going to ring up benefits and say he lived with me permanently!! He wasnt registered as living anywhere else as he lived at his dads, im so frightened its making me ill but dont want to give into his threats as he has taken so much from me and cost me so much money, he is also saying he is going to get a solicitor involved to get his things back??? Any advise would be greatly appreciated :-(

FBaby

Only you know if he has a case to make such a statement or not. They could investigate, but then would have to have evidence of what he claims. Him saying he lived with you wouldn't be enough for them to prosecute.

They might look into your accounts, see if there is any unexpected financial movements. You say that you gave him a lot of money yet state that you are struggling financially. How did you manage to give him all this? Did he help pay with bills, paid for food shopping etc... Did he have anything registered at your address? Car insurance, bank accounts, GP registry etc...

Just a question, why did you let him sell items that belonged to you and your children?

ragdoll1924

No he didnt pay for anything, he was unemployed the first 5mths I was with him. I gave him money as I sold a garden playhouse which I got £300 for, I sold my car and used the money to buy his dads old car but he insisted on registering the car in his name because I am still going through a divorce and he didnt want my husband making a claim on it, so because the car was in his name the insurance had to be in his name to with me as a named driver, so I paid for the insurance which was £300 and when he left he cancelled the policy so that £300 was wasted money and I have now had to go and purchase another insurance and its gone up to nearly £400! Also when he stayed at weekends all he would do is lie on sofa on facebook with tv on from morning to night so I saw an increase in my electricity and heating bills. And no I dont have anything to hide he did not live here and he did not contribute to anything in the house so I would be willing and happy for benefits to see my bank statements. This is the first time in my life I have ever claimed benefits and I hate it and I would never be dishonest, as I really appreciate the help I get.

McKneff

Give the nasty bully his telly back and his xbox. Put a line under it.

Get a telly off freecycle.

To be honest, if you are on means tested benefits, him staying with you could actually start off a benefit investigation. He wouldnt have had to live with you full time for you to be accused of fraud.

Get him out of your life,
Good luck.

ragdoll1924

Think I will keep fighting, I havent done anything wrong, someone just told me that you are allowed to have someone stay 1 or 2 nights a week as long as they are not contributing money, and he didnt even stay every weekend. He had 4 holidays abroad this year with his dad! Not Im not going to let him take anymore from me, think for once in my life I will grow a backbone and not let a man walk over me anymore. If he takes me to a solicitor then so be it. If he goes to benefits I have plenty of people who know he never lived here and have nothing to hide. But I do remember one thing when he was on JSA I know he done some work for a building company and they paid him by cheque which he didnt declare to JSA and paid the cheques into his dads bank account because they have the same name, so maybe I have to lower myself to their level and threaten that, but that is not something I like to do.

PippaGirl_2

I'd give him the TV and Xbox back, it's worth it for the lack of worry. Move on and learn lessons. If he didn't have your permission to sell your things, I would consider talking to Victim support and considering reporting him to the police.

**Patty**

If he's texting/messaging etc. more than once a day about it, then i'd speak to the police about harrassment.

I'd give him the tv & the xbox back (mainly considering it would be a good price for getting shot of him) but then i'd take the fuses out the plugs:rotfl:as there's no guarantee with a blackmailer he won't tell the DWP anyway!

miduck

**Patty** wrote: »

If he's texting/messaging etc. more than once a day about it, then i'd speak to the police about harrassment.

And the first thing they will say is:

McKneff wrote: »

Give the nasty bully his telly back and his xbox. Put a line under it.

[Deleted User]

tell him if he does then you`ll report him to the police for theft,bullies are cowards and soon back down when faced upto

ragdoll1924

I would give him these things back if I didnt have children and it wasnt depriving the children of anything, but it would, xmas is going to be hard enough as it is let alone without a TV!! This man and his dad are sat on £200.000 from an inheritance they got this year so they can afford to go out and buy 100 TV's! They have already had 4 holidays this year. A friend said they are just using bullying tactics thinking they can frighten me into giving the stuff back as she said a solicitor would not be interested and it would cost them more in solicitors letters then the items were worth. So guess I will stick to my guns and see where it goes. Sick to death of being bullied by men and cant believe I have been so trusting and so stupid. I hope I learn from this very cruel and hard lesson :-(

**Patty**

Yes, the police may well tell the OP to give him back the goods.

And what will he demand next week.....or the week after?

And then they will ask why you havn't said anything before?