Bullying at the school gates by parents

Dinosaur_Train

Has anyone else had any experience of this?

I was good friends for several years with another mum at the school, with children the same age as my own. One day in the summer she just abruptly stopped talking to me, for no apparent reason. It was literally a case of us chatting one day, and her being all friendly, then the next day her not speaking and turning her head when she saw me. I tried to call her several times but she didn't answer her phone, I text 3 times and she didn't reply, and I've also tried to speak to her in person about it but she does that thing that children do when they don't want to speak to children and turns her head really quickly away and sticks her nose in the air.

So although I was very upset I decided to leave it. I think though that she has been spreading rumours about me as I've found she's become very friendly with several other mums at the school and now none of them are speaking to me either, despite me being friends with them and chatting with them in the past. I've just been on the school run this morning and seen one of them walking to school and I said hello to her and she just looked at me, gave me a filthy look and walked off, whilst before this other mum decided not to talk to me she would always chat to me and we got on well. My DD had a party back in September, and I invited the children of all of those women and apart from one none turned up or let me know whether their child would be attending or not.

I am feeling quite upset about it all. School isn't my social life by any means and I do have friends elsewhere, but school runs are a big part of any parent's life and I have to do that school run twice a day. Events at the school are awkward too as the mum that wouldn't talk to me is there with the other ones and they all just stare at me and refuse to speak to me. I feel like no other mum at the school is going to want to associate with me as my reputation is now tainted by these women and it looks like I can't get on with people. It makes me look like the odd one out and the troublemaker, and I feel people are always going to go for the group of people rather than an individual.

It's quite a small school too and our kids are in the same classes as each other, so it's difficult to avoid them. I hate confrontation, and bad feeling, and really just wanted to get along with everyone at the school to make school runs as easy and stress free as possible each day, and instead I'm faced with this rubbish. Help!

newcook

I’d be tempted to approach her at the school gates and ask her what it is you have done to offend her – and that if you had offended her that she would be decent enough to have discussed it like a grown up.
I’d even be tempted to do it in front of the other moms so they can see you have no idea why this woman has turned on you. By putting her on the spot she wont have time to make anything up and will probably feel quite embarrassed that you have confronted her in front of her little pals.

Unfortunately, bullies can only remain bullies until they are ‘out-ed’ and you stand up to them.

Dinosaur_Train

I've tried several times to approach her, newcook but she just turns her head away and won't even reply to me so I end up looking childish.

newcook

can you try the same tactic and approach the weaker one of the bunch? normally there will always be one who has gone with the majority because they dont want to be left out of the 'click'.

it might even be something really silly like all the kids falling out at school (and will no doubt all have been friends the following day)

Dinosaur_Train

That's a good idea, newcook. There is one that speaks to me sometimes. She is the one who sent her child to my child's birthday party. I'll ask her the next time I catch her on her own!

C_Mababejive

You must surely have the slightest idea about what this is all about??

Dinosaur_Train

C_Mababejive wrote: »

You must surely have the slightest idea about what this is all about??

No, not the foggiest

newcook

C_Mababejive wrote: »

You must surely have the slightest idea about what this is all about??

not neccessarily - sometimes the grown ups can be more spiteful than the kids!

I remember being at junior school and in the little group I was in there was always one that seemed to be the leader and she would outcast us one at a time for no reason – sadly, because we didn’t want to be outcast next we would be on her side. A day or so later the girl would be back in the group and it would be someone elses turn to be shunned. Not very nice at all but sometimes that is just the way kids can be.

She got a taste of her own medicine one day though when she shunned who I considered my best friend and I left the group so she wouldn’t be on her own – I didn’t expect the other girls to follow suit though and leave the popular girl!!

cheepskate_2

C_Mababejive wrote: »

You must surely have the slightest idea about what this is all about??

Nothing needs to have happened. It only takes one venomous parent to incite stupid parents (Using the word stupid parent, in the case of people only listening to one side)to ignore others

scooby088

I see this sort of thing quite often in the playground at school when I go to pick up my daughter, I stand with a few other fathers there and can see a supposed grown up version of the playground going on in front of my eyes. Think best policy is just to ignore them, everytime you see them smile and just walk away from them. Laugh inside that some people can be so petty.

eliviajen

Eeeh I can understand exactly how confused and anxious you must be!!

just before the summer holidays there was sports day at our school.... and somehow in a 5 lap race my daughter only ran 4 laps because her shoe came off and she stopped to put it back on, but the teacher stopped her running at the 4th lap thinking that she had come 2nd... and the coolness i experianced although i was the first one up to try and discreetly tell the teacher.

no, it couldntve been handled quietly so that none of the children felt upset, another parent in our click (not the mother of the one that my had pushed out of rightful 2nd or 3rd - also both in our group) started shouting and made my daughter upset through no fault of her own.

I felt sick to the pit for the rest of the day and was blanked at pickup. I was at work the next couple of days and then we were into the holidays.. and I felt awful for the next 6 weeks knowing thrugh facebook that they were all meeting up over the holidays and i hadnt been invited.

I'm on the outside of the group really and always have been as I was the late teenage mum, with the bunch of 30 + mums so by the end of the summer I had resigned myself to our 7 year friendships being over but they were all fine!

Being excluded over silly things really hurts, and not knowing why would be devastating really - especially if you believe that they are gossiping about you. There is always plenty other mums in the yard that im sure you probalies just say Hi to in passing that i'm sure would love to stand and talk for longer x