Christmas presents I have 4 kids buying presents for brother in law with 2

Seh1985

Hi I'm really not sure what to spend on my oh brothers children for Christmas, we have asked them what they want and they both want lego, we have 4 children aged 7 5 3 and 1 and they have asked what our children want, now don't all hate on me and think I'm being picky snobby or anything of the sort but I'd rather my kids get a few nice presents than loads of tat! I'm not asking to be criticised I'm asking for advice. What would be a reasonable amount to ask to be spent on each of my kids as I don't want to ask for something that is unreasonable? I had in mind I'd ask for about a £20 present each for mine as that's what if we ask for money for presents they tend to give and then spend 40 each on there two I don't particularly get on with his side and I know christmas isn't supposed to boil down to who spent what but I just want to be fair and not to ask for too much I hate this side of Christmas!

Fire_Fox

What sort of income are the gift givers on? How much was spent in previous years? Are there loads of children in the family or is it a large family generally?

There are loads of classic fiction books available for under £10, you can hardly call that tat.

Seh1985

They are highter earners than us and money isn't an issue at all, I've seen a few things my kids would like and suppose a bit scared to ask for them then look greedy, it's not a large family they only have to get for our kids then sil has 3 teenage nephews, we go to the library twice a week so don't really need any more books! My kids bookshelf looks like a mini library we are all bookworms when I say tat I mean the type of gifts that you but because you have to get something but aren't really played with

Seh1985

My oh thinks I'm daft because in my logic we have double the children they do so I tend to spend more on there kids just need some other people's experiences really to find out if there is any kind of etiquette and what they would do in the same situation it happily spent £40 each on the brother in laws kids

coolcait

Don't talk to us, talk to them.

Suggest a budget - per child, or per family. Or token gifts.

Acknowledge that you have twice as many children as they have.

Point out that if you spend 10 quid per child, that means that you spend 20 quid on their kids, while they spend 40 quid on yours.

Acknowledge the imbalance. Don't mention your views on tat!!

You see where this is going?

If you don't like tat, and don't particularly like his side of the family, etc.

Get your OH to discuss it with his family - maybe using the 'non-gift' arguments available on MSE.

If your OH won't have that discussion, let him sort out the presents etc.

rachbc

if people ask what my kids want I always suggest something vague like 'playmobil' or 'sylvanian families' then the gift giver can pick anything from a single figure for £5 to a big set. I always say we love getting books to as this is generally a reasonable price option, genuinely appreciated and doesn't add clutter!!

I dn't thing having more children means you have to spend more on each of their kids - I get what I think each child would like within my budget rather than a fixed amount

sulkisu

TBH your attititude sums up everything that is negative about Christmas - sorry.

Personally, I don't think mentioning the 'imbalance' in the number of children is appropriate. Many childless people buy presents for other peoples children - using your logic, they wouldn't bother because they would have no children to receive presents for.

However, you did say that you wanted advice not criticism so here goes. If you are that concerned that your children do not receive 'tat', why not get your children to write a Santa list with presents of various prices - from affordable to slightly more pricey and let your relatives choose what to buy from the list. £5 to £20 is reasonable. That should solve the problem.

You could ask them to do the same next time - and never ask a child what it wants for Christmas, always ask the parents or you will end up spending a fortune and the parents may have their own views on £80 worth of Lego in the house. There is no need to spend £40 on each of their children, unless you can spare it easily and don't resent doing it. Cheaper presents don't have to be rubbish - you could ask for tickets to the cinema or some other outing that they would enjoy.

I have 7 nieces and nephews and have always bought them presents within my budget that I thought they would enjoy, because that's what Aunties do, despite the fact that until last year, I had no children of my own ( I now have three). If I thought for a moment that my siblings felt as you did, frankly I wouldn't have bothered and would have asked them not to bother buying for mine.

FWIW I do think that main presents should come from parents and it's okay for other relatives to give token presents , but that's just my opinion.

victory

I would feel a bit uncomfortable with the whole mentioning how much money to be spent on each child, figures, I would be more inclined to show a page from Argos Toys R Us ,the book club etc showing toys/books of various price tags and let them decide.

clairehi

We have a number of aunts/uncles, gps who ask us for gift ideas and it is always a little difficult to know what/how much it is appropriate to ask for. The trouble with just saying "lego" is the potential for getting several sets the same. But then if you ask for something v specific they may not know where to buy or it may be sold out.

My kids have an Amazon wish list each which we populate with a range of books and toys of differing prices each Xmas.

Rellies can choose what they want to buy for them and how much they want to spend without any embarrassment.

If they buy the gift from Amazon, it is marked as "purchased" and disappears from the "unpurchased" list so avoids duplicates. We ask them to let us know if they buy elsewhere so we can remove from the list.

peachyprice

Wow, so much resentment coming across.

You've been asked what they want, you're only going to get tat if you ask for tat, so ask for something you know they will like. It sounds as if you want to make sure you ask for gifts for the same value you're going to be spending on your bothers two, not necessarily what your children would like, which I find quite peculiar.

I think it's highly inappropriate to mention the imbalance, you buy a gift for a child that you think they want, not based on how many siblings they have or what their parents earn, it's not the children's fault after all.

And for the love of god, don't sit there on Christmas morning totting up how much was spent.

Seh1985

Hi I've not come across very well in my post I think I'm fed up of constantly looking for bits from the kids toys that seem to vanish or standing on lego and tripping over cars so we are having a clear out at the weekend to take some (hopefully lolts!) of there old toys to the charity shop to make way for Santa. I have a good attitude towards Christmas with regards to gift giving I want to get my niece and nephew a nice present but was wondering whether I should spend a bit more on them or not as I don't want to spoil them in previous years they have asked for clothes and this is the first time really they've asked for toys and with lego I don't think you get a lot for your money. I will give them the list and let them choose what they get the kids but I agree that I don't need to spend extra on them they are happy to get a present and having lots of cousins to play with is an extra bonus!