Go Lily Go - Paying off the mortgage

lilyp

Hi MWC

for some reason the card doesnt fit so we need a cable. I finally found it upstairs and poor BF ventured into the spider cupboard for nothing. He did find a rape alarm although neither of us have ever owned a rape alarm so its a bit of a mystery.

Hmm I wonder how much it would get on Ebay - goes to look :j

lilyp

I am sure I am posting too much and hope no one is fed up with me. Im loving this diary to vent my thoughts. We have so much going on right now, so many decisions to make and BF is sick of me talking about money.

We were talking last night about marriage and babies. We are both 33 so feel a need to crack on with it and I know BF is keen to get started on the baby front. He is wonderful with children and will be an amazing father.

I am not sure I am ready. I thought I was but the idea of growing a person inside me, going through labour and then having this dependent for 18 years makes me very very scared.

And then there is the financial impact. I would be off work for a year, we have no family nearby so no free childcare once I went back and with our current mortgage commitments I dont think we can cope on his current salary.

Obviously I am talking to him about these feelings. He is wonderful, we are wonderful and I am so glad he came into my life. We have endured so much stress in our time together and come out the other end stronger than ever.

I think that when we were severely in debt (which we still are but it is packaged as a mortgage) I was imprisoned in this big debt cage. There were times when it appeared there was no light at the end of the tunnel and I had written off ever having a "normal" life. Now I am free from this cage I have stepped out into a whole new world. I have many paths of oppurtunity and I am nervous which is best to take.

lilyp

An expensive day today visiting the inlaws. Petrol, lunch out, flowers for BFs mum. He footed the bill but I want to go through the weeks receipts as I am trying to keep our spending separate and making sure we share joint costs equally. This is because BF tends to run out of money halfway through the month and I end up paying for everything. As he earns more than me this seems unfair. He refuses to track his spending and he wont be contributing to overpaying (yet - I will convince him)

Have listed some stuff on Ebay and have another pile to do tomorrow night. Already have some watchers :j

Tomorrow will be interesting as I have to deal with an HMRC baliff who keeps bothering us. She is being quite reasonable as we should have the mortgage money soon but I need to chase my accountant for our final figures. Also my Barclaycard bill doesnt seem to have arrived. I can not get another card so want to use this one to regain my credit rating. It doesnt help if they dont send the statement! :mad:

About to buy some Christmas pressies before sleep. Feeling very organised about Christmas this year.

edinburgher

I am sure I am posting too much and hope no one is fed up with me. Im loving this diary to vent my thoughts. We have so much going on right now, so many decisions to make and BF is sick of me talking about money.

It's your diary - if people don't like it - they don't need to read

I am not sure I am ready. I thought I was but the idea of growing a person inside me, going through labour and then having this dependent for 18 years makes me very very scared.

If you're not ready, you're not ready. OH will appreciate this, even if he's ready to start a family. At 33, you've got a good while left before it becomes an issue, no?

Weird synchronicity here - I had a similar discussion with Mrs E about a week ago!

happycamel_2

I'm 8 mo pregnant with my second a couple of years younger than you. Dd is 18mo and currently napping upstairs. I only went back to work after my first set of mat leave in March and I'm off again already.

I'd say, you're never "ready" to have a baby. Mostly because you have no idea hw it will change your life and can only ponder over the downsides without feeling that amazing love. They are dependent for such a short time really, 10 years - 15 at the most really. I wanted mine to be at uni or working before I retire so I still have time to live afterwards. I would say being married first is important for the security and sense of family and the legal rights it gives but I know not everyone would agree. Don't get wound up about labour either, at worst it's one day out of your life (in my case 3 hours) and even that wasn't enough to put me off doing it again!

lilyp

Hi Edinburgher and Happy Camel :j Thank you for your lovely comments:A I am glad someone is following this little diary although I agree it should be for me mostly.

HC - 3 hours is no time you lucky thing (although I know quick delivery has its downsides). My mum was 26 hours with me with no pain relief. Terrified of it being the same for me. The baby thing is really scary but I agree you can never be really ready. I think BF would like to be married first and he hasnt even proposed so I have a little time to get used to the idea. I have a small bucket list of things to do before we conceive - a very long holiday being one. Doesnt really agree with mortgage over paying but I have promised BF I wont become too obsessive over this and allow us to have some fun too.

Back to the cash side of things my grandmother has given each of her grandkids £200. Not sure why but very welcome. My mum has just reminded me she has an account with some money in for me and with grans latest contribution it comes to £700! She is keeping hold of it until we are all settled on the mortgage/debt front.

Spent £20.42 on groceries today inc loads of crap. First day quitting smoking and I tend to eat my bodyweight in carbs and sugar to stave off cravings while BF chews his in nicorette gum. This is a cycle we really have to stop. Every few weeks something stressful happens and we smoke for a few days and then give up. Not good for us or the bank account.

lilyp

Cannot get hold of solicitor, accountant or baliff! Is it a bank holiday I didnt know about? They will all have to wait until next week now as no chance to call them while I am at work.

Listed a few bits on Ebay and had a few bids already. Given myself a challenge of adding an item a night.

Despite his mum giving him £50 yesterday BF seems to have run out of money already. I really dont know what he does with it. He only gives me half his salary for bills etc it seems impossible that he could cane through £800 in less than 2 weeks. I wish wish wish he would have a lightbulb moment. He has the potential to easily save £400 a month which would boost the over paying so much. I havent asked him to because it is his money, he earns it and it is not fair to dictate to him. Im hoping I can lead by example.

We had a look on Swagbucks together but I found the whole thing a bit confusing. Think I would rather spend my time Ebay listing

newgirly

Hi lilyp, what a difficult situation with you OH. Mine is prone to overspending but has improved, its a slow process. But the more you get involved in oping the more addictive it becomes and it could be a problem if you are trying to be careful and he is spending lots still.

Has he seen the mortgage op calculator? Could you entice him with ideas of what you could do if its cleared early ie.sports car etc

edinburgher

Despite his mum giving him £50 yesterday BF seems to have run out of money already. I really dont know what he does with it. He only gives me half his salary for bills etc it seems impossible that he could cane through £800 in less than 2 weeks. I wish wish wish he would have a lightbulb moment.

Is he at all concerned about being skint? Because if not, nothing will convince him.

'Man bribes' as suggested by newgirly are all well and good if the OH is already curious about saving some cash, but otherwise do very little (Speaking for the men on MFW here )

• Man Bribe: "You can have a sports car when we pay off x debt/the mortgage"
• Man brain: "If you *don't* pay off x debt/mortgage, you can have a coffee from Starbucks every day, go to the pub twice a week and buy that new Xbox game" :rotfl:

Ps. I have a relative who has struggled with debts since before I did. I paid mine off over 5-8 years and had them all paid off 4? years ago. Relative still hasn't had LBM, 10+ years :eek: I'm not trying to scare you there, but do aware that these sorts of realisations will happen when they do, not necessarily according to someone else's timetable.

lilyp

Hi NG,

I havent showed him the calculator yet. I am waiting for all our figures to be in before I do.

He is trying bless him he just wont take advice. I have tried so many things to get him to track one months spending. I set the budgets and by my calculations he should have £400 play money a month - thats not inc petrol, lunch or food at all. But if I dont know what he does with it all then I cant help.

His worst habit is he refuses to carry a wallet so his pockets are always jingling with change, half of which I am sure falls out. I gave him our Tesco clubcard as he buys lunch from there most days but he lost it (have just ordered him a key fob one instead), he still has our Nectar card somewhere from the lst time he used it and I am amassing receipts I need to collect points on.

Grrr silly lovely BF. I need to stop moaning about him